Hello World! Again.
As always my life is crazy. Too busy to remember if I brushed my teeth before I left the house and too tired at the end of the day to care.
Yes I am a Mom. I have three little boys of wonder that break or outgrow everything. Three little boys that make life wonderful and difficult to focus on at the same time. They keep me busy, they make so much laundry, they eat so much food, and require so much time and energy. That is the job of kids, afterall!
Yes I took on a new business. Call me crazy, but when you can't find a job, you make one. That is how this capitalist society works. If you want something you find a way to get it. I am glad I did. I have an old friend that used to constantly tell me, "Just be like a duck, and let it all bead off your feathers." Thanks, Nathan, I am now a Duck, an AFLAC duck. My new job is fun and full of adventure, most important it is never the same twice.
Yes I am a Wife. I have a husband of nearly 9 years. I am very much unhappy and have been for a good long while. I need what every spouse needs, a little bit of conversation. Every marriage needs communication, honest, free flowing, open and productive. This has not been the case in my marriage for a long time. If you think a lack of communication is not important than you have never lived your life without it.
What I have in my marriage today is a man that grunts like a caveman, the word "fine" and lots of silence in between those two sounds. If you are a man and you are reading this learn this: sexually satisfied with your wife, does not mean your marriage is in good shape. It simply means your wife is avoiding another sore spot in her life.
What I also have in my marriage today is a great imbalance. I have a man who not only doesn't talk with me, doesn't even look at me, he just sits and stares at his computer/iPhone/laptop, he doesn't speak positively with his boys because he simply screams about how their room is such a mess. I have a man that doesn't even think their is a problem in our marriage. I have all the duties of the house, the cooking, cleaning, laundry, the taxing of children, the homework duties with kids, the bath time routine, the paying the bills, the trips to the doctors offices, urgent care, the notifying the Super that the apartment needs maintance, the taking of the garbage out, the grocery shopping, the price comparisons, the couponing, the budgeting, the dreaming and planning, the religion and faith building of three little boys, the potty training, the sick kid duties, and the list could go on for days... This is my imbalance.
This brought me to the question: "What exactly do you (my husband) bring to this equation?" A paycheck? Who cares money is not love, compassion, commitment. What Sex? In case you forgot, I am a young woman capable of saying hey I am ready to any man on the street; and chances are very good that more than one would be available when I called. So really what are you bringing? What do you do that makes my life worth living with you?
Realistically, I am already doing 98% of the daily needs in the house, so you not living in the same house would not drastically change anything except who reads the bedtime story to the kids. Would asking your wife how her day was and looking her in the eyes really be so difficult that you couldn't do it? Or is it frightening that if you talk with her, you might actually carry some of the daily Needs load, which would lead to a less exhausted wife, who then might feel like being that dirty housewife when the kids are asleep...
As always my life is crazy. Too busy to remember if I brushed my teeth before I left the house and too tired at the end of the day to care.
Yes I am a Mom. I have three little boys of wonder that break or outgrow everything. Three little boys that make life wonderful and difficult to focus on at the same time. They keep me busy, they make so much laundry, they eat so much food, and require so much time and energy. That is the job of kids, afterall!
Yes I took on a new business. Call me crazy, but when you can't find a job, you make one. That is how this capitalist society works. If you want something you find a way to get it. I am glad I did. I have an old friend that used to constantly tell me, "Just be like a duck, and let it all bead off your feathers." Thanks, Nathan, I am now a Duck, an AFLAC duck. My new job is fun and full of adventure, most important it is never the same twice.
Yes I am a Wife. I have a husband of nearly 9 years. I am very much unhappy and have been for a good long while. I need what every spouse needs, a little bit of conversation. Every marriage needs communication, honest, free flowing, open and productive. This has not been the case in my marriage for a long time. If you think a lack of communication is not important than you have never lived your life without it.
What I have in my marriage today is a man that grunts like a caveman, the word "fine" and lots of silence in between those two sounds. If you are a man and you are reading this learn this: sexually satisfied with your wife, does not mean your marriage is in good shape. It simply means your wife is avoiding another sore spot in her life.
What I also have in my marriage today is a great imbalance. I have a man who not only doesn't talk with me, doesn't even look at me, he just sits and stares at his computer/iPhone/laptop, he doesn't speak positively with his boys because he simply screams about how their room is such a mess. I have a man that doesn't even think their is a problem in our marriage. I have all the duties of the house, the cooking, cleaning, laundry, the taxing of children, the homework duties with kids, the bath time routine, the paying the bills, the trips to the doctors offices, urgent care, the notifying the Super that the apartment needs maintance, the taking of the garbage out, the grocery shopping, the price comparisons, the couponing, the budgeting, the dreaming and planning, the religion and faith building of three little boys, the potty training, the sick kid duties, and the list could go on for days... This is my imbalance.
This brought me to the question: "What exactly do you (my husband) bring to this equation?" A paycheck? Who cares money is not love, compassion, commitment. What Sex? In case you forgot, I am a young woman capable of saying hey I am ready to any man on the street; and chances are very good that more than one would be available when I called. So really what are you bringing? What do you do that makes my life worth living with you?
Realistically, I am already doing 98% of the daily needs in the house, so you not living in the same house would not drastically change anything except who reads the bedtime story to the kids. Would asking your wife how her day was and looking her in the eyes really be so difficult that you couldn't do it? Or is it frightening that if you talk with her, you might actually carry some of the daily Needs load, which would lead to a less exhausted wife, who then might feel like being that dirty housewife when the kids are asleep...
6 comments:
I really do find this post an eye opener. I quiver in my soul when I read it. Especially the part "chances are very good that more than one would be available when I called." because it sounds like to me you already have someone in mind. There are plenty of things I've done and said to you that were hurtful but I would never say that something like that. I only want to be with you. You want me to talk to you and I will, but know that I would never say something like that or say that my life would be better without you in it. I really want this post to be seen by as many people as possible because I want people to see how emotionally broken down I have become because of it. I'm sure people will say I deserve it. I myself believe that no one should, not even you.
Bro, I got you. This is sooo disrespectful, and this is something a spouse should never post for people to see. I personally think its jacked up... and bro. Girls are a dime a dozen, let her call whoever she wants. Someone this disrespectful isn't a woman. Maybe she is just boring as shit, that's why your looking at your iphone... she should understand. If she bitches 10% like the above blog, id shoot myself and end my misery. Your a stronger man than me letting her talk down to you in front of god and everyone, and you still say you love her. I'd kick her ass to the curb and "next" her ass... and nobody better get all pissed off and try to go off on me. Its my opinion. I'm allowed to have it. Especially when this is available for anyone to see...I would have dropped kicked her ass across the room by now!
I thank you for your opinion. If you go back a couple of blogs she mentions that she had to have surgery and I took time off from work. Mind you I had no problem taking the time off since all I ever do is stay at home. Not her fault and I am not blaming her, I just don't go anywhere. Anyway, I took care of her, the kids and the dogs while she recovered. I am not trying to make myself look good by saying that, it's the truth. I was there for her and for my kids. That's what I do. But I guess it's not enough for some people. I am willing to do what it takes to make it work because I do indeed love my wife and I'm not ashamed of saying so. Also there is no mention in her rant that she feels the same way about me but I guess I have to earn that back, one day at a time.
I think your blog is absolutely fabulous. I'm in London and have just stumbled upon it because I was researching ADHD. I'd like to contact you some day as you may be able to help answer some questions for me - or at least help me feel less bereft. But I'm at work and need to keep this short. What I'd like to say about your husband is: has he ever been tested for Asperger Syndrome? I ask because someone very close to me exhibits the same characteristics and he is within the Asperger Spectrum. I shall read more as soon as I have time. All the best
Hi Pam. I love your blog. I feel riveted each time I sit to read an entry. I have read other explanatory websites on the symptoms of ADHD, but your blog offers a window into life as someone with ADHD. I know you are busy but I am perplexed about many things and wonder if you can help.
I dated a man with ADHD for a while. The hyperfocus was amazing and I felt like the centre of his universe. Then it ended rather abruptly. He said he couldn't promise me fidelity, wasn't ready for commitment and didn't think I was the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. While I LOVED his honesty, I couldn't understand how he could act, behave, in every way like a man in love with me and then suddenly decide he isn't. We separated for a month and then got back together. While the hyperfocus was less obvious the second time, the intimacy was much much more intense, passionate and all-consuming sexually. One night in particular was simply amazing - like the kind of things you read in romance novels. Then, six days later, he ended it again, saying the same things, and started dating a new woman, who he says he has 'flipped for'.
So, when dating someone with ADHD, how can you possibly know if he really means it when he says 'you make me happy. I miss you', etc.? He has been in love before and had a 4-year relationship so I have to accept that he really is in love with this new woman. He is certainly capable of feeling love.
So, was everything that took place between us just performance? Just theatrics? Did he mean any of it? Why go to all the trouble, expense and time of making someone feel euphoric - flowers, candles, setting the mood, an open fire, the extreme, extreme romantic gestures - if he didn't mean any of it? Am I now out of site out of mind? Will I even enter his head again or is he now hyperfocusing on someone else so I won't exist. How do you, as an ADHD woman, know if you are TRULY in love? I feel utterly insignificant and discarded at the moment. And used.
But there is something else I'd like to say, but it needs to be done privately. Is there any way I can contact you via email via your blog?
I wish you every success. You seem absolutely lovely.
Pam, I attended a seminar for the PTA. One of the trainings has a presenter named Mark Patey and he talked about ADHD.
One of the things that he mentioned is the need for an EO (equal Opposite) I, being ADHD and having an EO wife can assure you that this is the case was so glad that she attended the seminar. We both walked away enlightened!
Post a Comment