What to say... I am stressed again. It's a never ending roller coaster of self-doubt and optimist hope about the future.
Right now I have a case of the I don't want to do anything. I am content doing nothing but surfing the internet and reading books while I avoid making any decisions. The list of I need to's, was getting shorter but has started to grow again. The list of I want to's has begun to befuddle me. My list of want to's reminds me of an episode of 'Hoarders' where the stuff is about to bury alive the occupants. Grr...
A slight bit of frustration regarding my inability to make a decision presides over me. It should be easy. For heaven sakes just do a SWOT analysis, that is what my brain shouts when I am driving and need to be somewhere on-time. WIth no time to stop and start a SWOT my brain quickly forgets something important that should be done and needs to be a priority. Grr....
So I was at the grocery store and I used one of those self check out machines. I needed cash so I could pay the electric bill. I selected $40 and retrieved if from the machine to find $50. I counted it three times, I double checked my receipt, then I asked the supervising cashier to count it. Sure, enough there was $50. I gave it to her and said that someone either forgot to pick up their $10.00 or the machine gave me extra money. Should I have kept it? And why weren't the kids their to see me doing the right thing? Oh, right it was like 9:30 at night and I was there for milk, bread, and beer.
So, I get where I am going and the questions I need answered aren't fully taken care of. I get the first and the second question out and then I am suddenly overwhelmed by the need to take in the information and answer the questions it now poses.
On the new job front: I have serious doubts about the place I am working at. I have some doubts about my abilities which I think only come from the place I am at. I still think I can be a great success in Sales, err, insurance sales. I think I have the natural ability to look and see problems, unfortunately I don't know how to answer them all, and the follow up on questions that can't be answered today is a bit poor. Boorish! It bothers me that I forget to follow up with people, or fail to be loud and persistent enough to get all the answers right away. Which suddenly reminds me about a section in a book I was reading called "is it You, Me or Adult A.D.D.?"that people with ADHD seem to have two different ways of prioritizing; Now and Not Now. Unfortunately, I am beginning to see that pattern, things are either immediately important and I must hurry and do it right now; everything else falls away when this happens. Things like the laundry don't get started or finished, books are suddenly left on the floor as I go to answer the phone, or read some Facebook message. If it doesn't need to be done right now, I usually forget about it. Like when I have known for weeks about a doctors appointment and keep repeating the date and time, the day finally comes and the time arrives and I am doing something else that needs to be done right now, like buy some ice cream sundaes.
Logic says that I shouldn't be doing that. But somehow my brain has completely forgotten about that thing it was repeating for weeks at the time its needed.
Oh, back to the doubts about where I am a contracted Insurance agent. So I took this job, mostly because it sounds really interesting, involves constant changing scenery, meeting new people, and a wild and extravagant lifestyle that seems achievable with it. But my doubts arise from the fact that the office management, while veterans, they are not veterans with the company. The result is many questions go unanswered or are superficially answered. The office is also all married men with stay at home brides. Which has worked to their great advantage. Their wife is home taking care of paying the bills, waiting for the plumber, and carting the kids every which way they need, while they are able to focus 100% on the job every day they work. This has lead to a severe deficiency in our ability to relate to each other when talking about efforts to grow our individual books of business. Bummer, when you boss tells you that you need to make more dials, more appointments and be available for your new clients even on Cub Scout nights and Saturday when you were really busy washing the laundry, grocery shopping, taking the kids to the library, potty training the 2 year old and somehow getting the toilet cleaned. Worse still the 2 Field Trainers that were charged with showing me how to be a successful insurance agent, suddenly quit. Bad right? Well, they then badder still the boss men were too busy doing things that did not focus on me, err, the new hirers, and we were basically left to try and figure it out on our own. What did they do to mend this terrible situation? They promoted a man who has been with the company for about 7 months to trainer and another who has just 4 weeks more time at the company.
So my bosses don't relate to being the chief parent/mom, they don't satisfy my questions with complete answers, they fail to take us on appointments to show us how this job is to be done, they promote people with no experience to trainers, and even worse they hired a new crop that also need the same limited resource I do, them. I am sure they also plan on hiring another class to start next month too, which just makes it seem like a bad thing.
To be clear, as of this moment I have not quit. Though I admit I have taken a 2 day sabbatical to evaluate this place. But I did look at a competitor that seems to be in a better position to facilitate my learning experience and build an actual career as an Insurance Sales person. I also began searching the job sites today to see what other options I might have. It does kinda feel nice to have my biggest problems being that my ring is in danger of falling off, my clothes are too big and I can choose where I commit to work. Oh, I am also thinking about taking a seasonal job doing taxes in addition to insurance sales. So, What would you do? Would you take the job with the other company that seems better able to answer your questions and train you for success or would you wait it out and see if someone suddenly becomes successful where you are so you can emulate them?
Right now I have a case of the I don't want to do anything. I am content doing nothing but surfing the internet and reading books while I avoid making any decisions. The list of I need to's, was getting shorter but has started to grow again. The list of I want to's has begun to befuddle me. My list of want to's reminds me of an episode of 'Hoarders' where the stuff is about to bury alive the occupants. Grr...
A slight bit of frustration regarding my inability to make a decision presides over me. It should be easy. For heaven sakes just do a SWOT analysis, that is what my brain shouts when I am driving and need to be somewhere on-time. WIth no time to stop and start a SWOT my brain quickly forgets something important that should be done and needs to be a priority. Grr....
So I was at the grocery store and I used one of those self check out machines. I needed cash so I could pay the electric bill. I selected $40 and retrieved if from the machine to find $50. I counted it three times, I double checked my receipt, then I asked the supervising cashier to count it. Sure, enough there was $50. I gave it to her and said that someone either forgot to pick up their $10.00 or the machine gave me extra money. Should I have kept it? And why weren't the kids their to see me doing the right thing? Oh, right it was like 9:30 at night and I was there for milk, bread, and beer.
So, I get where I am going and the questions I need answered aren't fully taken care of. I get the first and the second question out and then I am suddenly overwhelmed by the need to take in the information and answer the questions it now poses.
On the new job front: I have serious doubts about the place I am working at. I have some doubts about my abilities which I think only come from the place I am at. I still think I can be a great success in Sales, err, insurance sales. I think I have the natural ability to look and see problems, unfortunately I don't know how to answer them all, and the follow up on questions that can't be answered today is a bit poor. Boorish! It bothers me that I forget to follow up with people, or fail to be loud and persistent enough to get all the answers right away. Which suddenly reminds me about a section in a book I was reading called "is it You, Me or Adult A.D.D.?"that people with ADHD seem to have two different ways of prioritizing; Now and Not Now. Unfortunately, I am beginning to see that pattern, things are either immediately important and I must hurry and do it right now; everything else falls away when this happens. Things like the laundry don't get started or finished, books are suddenly left on the floor as I go to answer the phone, or read some Facebook message. If it doesn't need to be done right now, I usually forget about it. Like when I have known for weeks about a doctors appointment and keep repeating the date and time, the day finally comes and the time arrives and I am doing something else that needs to be done right now, like buy some ice cream sundaes.
Logic says that I shouldn't be doing that. But somehow my brain has completely forgotten about that thing it was repeating for weeks at the time its needed.
Oh, back to the doubts about where I am a contracted Insurance agent. So I took this job, mostly because it sounds really interesting, involves constant changing scenery, meeting new people, and a wild and extravagant lifestyle that seems achievable with it. But my doubts arise from the fact that the office management, while veterans, they are not veterans with the company. The result is many questions go unanswered or are superficially answered. The office is also all married men with stay at home brides. Which has worked to their great advantage. Their wife is home taking care of paying the bills, waiting for the plumber, and carting the kids every which way they need, while they are able to focus 100% on the job every day they work. This has lead to a severe deficiency in our ability to relate to each other when talking about efforts to grow our individual books of business. Bummer, when you boss tells you that you need to make more dials, more appointments and be available for your new clients even on Cub Scout nights and Saturday when you were really busy washing the laundry, grocery shopping, taking the kids to the library, potty training the 2 year old and somehow getting the toilet cleaned. Worse still the 2 Field Trainers that were charged with showing me how to be a successful insurance agent, suddenly quit. Bad right? Well, they then badder still the boss men were too busy doing things that did not focus on me, err, the new hirers, and we were basically left to try and figure it out on our own. What did they do to mend this terrible situation? They promoted a man who has been with the company for about 7 months to trainer and another who has just 4 weeks more time at the company.
So my bosses don't relate to being the chief parent/mom, they don't satisfy my questions with complete answers, they fail to take us on appointments to show us how this job is to be done, they promote people with no experience to trainers, and even worse they hired a new crop that also need the same limited resource I do, them. I am sure they also plan on hiring another class to start next month too, which just makes it seem like a bad thing.
To be clear, as of this moment I have not quit. Though I admit I have taken a 2 day sabbatical to evaluate this place. But I did look at a competitor that seems to be in a better position to facilitate my learning experience and build an actual career as an Insurance Sales person. I also began searching the job sites today to see what other options I might have. It does kinda feel nice to have my biggest problems being that my ring is in danger of falling off, my clothes are too big and I can choose where I commit to work. Oh, I am also thinking about taking a seasonal job doing taxes in addition to insurance sales. So, What would you do? Would you take the job with the other company that seems better able to answer your questions and train you for success or would you wait it out and see if someone suddenly becomes successful where you are so you can emulate them?
