Monday, September 21, 2015

Generalized and Social Anxiety and the benefit of being an Introvert

Photo Credit Instagram @ajnickmom

Generalized Anxiety and Social Anxiety Disorder

Both are common co-morbid disorder in ADHD.  It's a weird combination ADHD and any anxiety.  It's weird because we have a tendency to get lost in the moment which could result in us saying something that offends someone, or at least we think it does.  And then it keeps us up with overwhelming worry or causes us to avoid people and situations because we some how messed it all up. 

My job is like that.  I'd like to hide. Hide away from the social interactions that make me feel so awkward.  Make me feel like I am being judged.  Make me feel paranoid.  What did I do?  Do they not like me?  Did I offend them?  Is that topic too taboo for work, for other Moms, for Cub Scouts, for PTO, for the cashier at Michael's? Why Do I always miss the social ques that others seem to get?  

Did I wear too much make-up?  Is this top too revealing?  I am I too fat?  Is this lip color to bold for work?  Is there such a thing?  Questions like this plague a mind that lives with Anxiety.  

ADHD makes me loud at the wrong moments.  ADHD leaves my words unfiltered. ADHD gives me wings.  ADHD lets me be creative.  ADHD means I can see the world in ways the "normal people" can't.  ADHD means I can't follow you conventions.  A demand to sit still, just doesn't work on me. ADHD means I can, and will get lost in thoughts, the moment, the project.  It means I can hyper-focus on that thing that is driving you mad in attempts to get my focus on whatever thing that was I should be doing.  ADHD means I have short-term memory issues, that wrong you did to me, I probably forgot.  Oh you owe me $5.00, when did I give you that?  Yesterday?  Oh, okay, thanks.  

Then Anxiety comes back and I fell like you are judging me for forgetting...  I feel like a cactus full of thorns when I interact with you.  I want to run and hide.  But like the cactus photographed here, I am in the spotlight for all to criticize.  

Friday, September 18, 2015

Explore in Single Life

So its been a few weeks... or months since the divorce was final.  I finished all the adult things I could stomach.  Get child support.  Refinance the house.  Change the title to the car.

Boo.  That's as far as I could go.  I still need to go to the DMV and SS office to change my name.  8 months and counting since the divorce.

So now I am venturing into dating.  Where to go.  I never dated before.  Where is one supposed to go?  How does one find a safe person.  And why the hell do I get so many dick pics.  Is that supposed to turn me on? Really I just end up sending that to the freaking trash can.  I don't want to see a dick pic.

Gee thanks Craigslist, Tinder, KIK and Facebook Messenger for all the awful pics.

I think I'd rather be a lesbian.  At least boobs are pretty.