Friday, March 18, 2011

high anxiety

I apologize for not updating this blog for the last couple of weeks.  It has been rather busy around here.  At least I have been more productive the last few weeks.  I have the garden planted and remembered to water it.  I have restocked the pantry and I am quite happy about that.  I still think there is nothing to eat around here though, so I have spent too many meals in the drive thru.

I have not been calm in days.  I am really nervous.  There is so much happening, lots of things need to change.  It seems that in order for my hubby to go back to school he will either need a new job or I will need to go to work myself.  Both are scary.  I don't know what to do.

I finally got my tax return.  Glad and overwhelming. what do I do with the money?  Everyone is out of iPad 2.  The van still works, so we don't have an immediate need to get a new truck for hubby to work, but he might go to school so, it starts to get complicated.  If we wait too long to get a new truck and he keeps working, he won't be able to work because the Van will need to be fixed, likely costly.

So I was productive the last couple of weeks, I got doctors appointments made and I arrived on time.  I got my cough under control, though I still find it startling that it was an Acid Reflux problem.  I had an appointment with a surgeon about my hernia and will have it fixed next week.  Finally finished skimming a book about ADHD.  THe surgery is kinda scary, not sure if it is scarier then me going to work or my husband finding a new job and going to school.  I also got by 4 year old in to see a counselor after his parent teacher conference showed mixed results.  It seems it is likely my ADHD is inherited and that my early trouble learning to read and just learn may be a problem he also has.  Unfortunately the school tells me that they don't screen for ADHD and most learning disabilities will not be screened for until mid Kindergarten.  That is just too long to wait for help.

My tummy has been bothering me.  Gassy and constipated, or is it anxiety?  Could be the combo.  Been thinking about how to pay the kids allowance, but not really had a conversation with my hubby about what he wants or thinks about allowance.  I hate making these decisions on my own.  What are the rules on paying kids allowance?  Should I pay him for just chores or should he get some cash just because?  If you have an answer please share your impute. Generally I feel very bloated.

Pretty sure my hubby is stressed out right now but I need him here!  I don't know where he went.  We saw the school counselor at DeVry today.  It is a program he is interested in, but the whole change job thing is just too stressful for me too.  Also still have not figured out who is taking me to hospital on Tuesday, who is taking the kids to school and who is watching the baby....  I'm I supposed to take a cab to the hospital? Not sure.  I don't think he will be able to get the day off from work, no he can't go in late, because his employer is stupid and will not schedule him any route if he is not there at 7 am.  No he does not get sick days or anything as generous as that, so what to do?  My stepmom is off on Tuesdays.  My mom works, her friend is usually available but she is not a morning person at all.

If that made you stressed out just reading it, sorry.  Can't think clearly right now, I am very tense and considering taking the anxiety medication that I have left over somewhere in the house.  At least I think I still have it.  I should go fold some laundry.  grrr

Sunday, March 13, 2011

A Letter to Telemarketers

Dear Telemarketer,

I hate you.  Why can't you leave a message?  Look I screen my calls.  I don't always want to talk to my family or my creditors, but I might want to talk to you.  I requested information.  I expected someone to call me.  I expect the caller id to tell me who it might be, but it doesn't because you called from some conglomerate representing 500 companies.

You call me at all hours of the day.  Promptly at 8am and again in an hour.  Repeat until 9pm in the evening.  You called at least 10 times, but left no messages.  Paralyzed with fear you were someone I owed money to, I did not answer.

You call me again the next day and the next.  You call me like a stalker calls his beloved.  You never leave a message.  A few times you breath heavily into my answering machine.  Nice.

Could you tell me who you are?  Really I am in the mood to talk to a stranger.  I find it strangely calming, so long as I don't owe you money.

I ask, leave me a message so I can call you back.  I can't promise I will remember to do it today, tomorrow or even next week.  But if I know who you are I won't get mad and swear at your part-time evening worker desperate to make commission this week.

I screen my calls, do I want to talk with you?  I don't know leave a message.   I can hear you breathing after the beep.  I just want to know you before we talk.



Tuesday, March 8, 2011

new dose definitely working

so I must say that the new dose of adderall xr is working.  While I felt like I accomplished absolutely nothing yesterday, I did quite a bit more then usual.

Yesterday night I had trouble sleeping.  Perhaps a side effect  of Adderall or maybe the change in Birth Control or the acid reflux drug that was started last week.  Anyway when the baby woke at 1:45 in the morning I had trouble going back to sleep, but managed too anyway.

When I got up yesterday morning my mind was racing!  I had a non-stop list of "need to", "should do", "must do", "want to do", "can't wait", "oh, I forgot that again" and why can't I just stop all this and go back to bed.  I couldn't go back to bed.  It was only 4am, I laid there until 6:20am when I just could not take it anymore.

I went to my new household board, I wrote down the things that I needed to get out of my head.   11 items made it to the board.  I crossed off one.  That was all I crossed off.  I sat down to check my email and somehow I ended up looking up info about VA Health Benefits, GI Bill, School for my Husband, What I would need to do to go to school myself, something to do with life insurance.  That took all day.  I never made dinner.  I ended up at Fry's grocery store paid the electric bill and got fried chicken.

Later in the evening my husband got home and I convinced him to consider going to school again before he looses his GI Bill benefits and that he needed to enroll in the VA Health care program so we didn't ever need to pay for his dental work again and so he can get new glasses.

So I am certain I got more done, just not what was on the to do list when I started.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Inability to be calm and still

It has been a rather difficult 3 days.  I can't seem to relax and just sit.  My mind has been wandering.  I have had trouble just watching TV or simply surfing the net.

I will give myself the fact that it has been an unusual week because since Friday I have been to the ER, OBGYN and Family Doc.  Oh, and last week we increased the dose of Adderall.  I think it is working, but the side effect is that I am more aware of just how difficult it is to sit still, just do one thing and remember to start cooking before my kids are hungry.

Why all the doctor's visits?  Well I went to the ER because the OBGYN told me to.  Gross the PMS has been getting worse and the period was so heavy the last 2 months that I was using the economy size of pads and tampons and nearly out.  If your a man, you may not see that as a whole lot, but typically a regular pack of those things is half the size and last 1-2 months.  The economy size should last 2-4 months. So that is just too many and could actually lead a woman to loose too much blood.  Also, it is incredibly uncomfortable and loosing that much in a 10 day period leads to being exhausted from low iron and blood count.

So I followed up the the OBGYN like they asked.  Yea me.  I remembered to do what was asked.  Doc said I was fine.  But I would probably be better off with a different birth control.  The doctor claims that a different bc could lower the symptoms of PMS and probably reduce heavy flow.

Why did I go see the family doc?  I finally remembered on a day that was not a weekend to make an appointment.  I always remember around 5 in the evening on Friday that I need to make an appointment, problem is that my doc typically vacates his office early on a Friday.  Or worse I don't remember until Saturday morning.  The reason for seeing the doc?  I've had a cough.  Many times the cough is so bad that I can't talk, to me seems like an asthma.  The doc doesn't think so.  He thinks I have acid reflux.  Weird.  He gave me some samples of acid reflux medicine and said to come back in two weeks.   So I guess we will see if he is right...
I had other reasons for going to the doc.  Like a long, long, long time ago I asked the doc that quit working in his office for a referral to a surgeon.  And to get these dang skin tags off. I actually got all of those things out of my mouth and to the doctor.  Guess what all those things will get taken care of.  I will see a surgeon next week.  Maybe my umbilical hernia will be fixed so it won't hurt when I try to exercise.  If you have never had a hernia consider yourself lucky.  I have been living with mine since 2003 and getting fatter and slower because of it.  I just want to be able to move and sit up straight without pain.  That would be nice, I bet it would be a lot easier to loose the weight.

So yes I got many things taken care of and off the preverbal To-Do List that I never write.  But I have not been able to relax.  Finish anything?  Kinda, but because I keep thinking of all the other things I need to do, many are still not finished or even started.  Things on the To-Do List that I never started?  Balance the check book, exercise, make breakfast, read a chapter out of my book, call that counselor lady back figure out what we have money to buy.  Why does gas now cost 3.45?  Anyway things I got done:  shred the tax papers from a long time ago, go to the doctor and figure out how to stop the cough, fill a prescription, most of the laundry and watered the garden once.  Sat and thought about doing lots of things, but never started most of them.  I did go on a shopping spree, I guess that it impulse control.  I bought stuff; more books, a digital photo frame/whiteboard thingy, more books, planner pages.  Dreamed about my iPad 2 with smart cover.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

iPad 2 is coming! iPad 2 is coming! The British are coming! iPad 2 is coming!

I want one. No the British aren't coming.  I am certain of that. But the iPad 2 is coming!

 Leave it to Apple to create something new I did not know I needed; iPad Smart Cover.  Really cool thing that is magnetically attached to protect the iPad 2.

iPad 2 is nearly here too.  This is the shortest pre-launch tease I have ever seen from Apple.  This wonderful contraption that belongs in my bad is scheduled to be here on Friday, March 11th, 2011.  

No Apple did not lower the price of the brand new iPad 2.  Yes they added the wonderful Face Time Application.  Remember Star Trek and how they would talk to each other using video phones, it is that and I can carry it with me.

It is thinner, but I bet you were expecting that.  It is lighter, you wanted that too.  It is faster, shiny and has a screen which like iPhone 4 is fingerprint resistant.  Yeah, I got kids, I doubt the fingerprint resistance on that.

What is so dang cool about this device?  I don't know.  I just want it.  It has a camera.  Remember when you got your first cell phone with a camera?  It was cool right?  I see it and I want it.

I want the version that allows me to get online using 3G anywhere.  Slightly disappointed it is not 4G. But I guess Apple wants that to be the new thing on the iPhone 5 that is likely to arrive in July.  Not sure if I will want that....  I hear my stepfather is frustrated and angry with the new Verizon iPhone 4 he got.  Says it doesn't get on the internet.  I am thinking he is just suffering from a learning curve.  I am not being mean, he just jumped from a old fashion clam cell phone with no camera, to the Verizon iPhone.  Maybe I will borrow his while he comes to his senses about the new fancy Verizon iPhone.

Oh, and the new iPad has a connector that will allow me to display whatever I am doing on the Apple TV.   Yes, I have that.  We were early adopters on that, I think it was called something else.  Anyway I could also connect it to an HDMI compatible TV.  FYI, I think I need a new TV now.

Yes, they say it will be available on March 11th, 2011.  Now, will I have the cash......