This afternoon has been filled with many burst of anger, frustration and tears from nearly all members of my household. You may not believe this but I hate my situation. I hate poverty, I hate living in the semblance of middle class only to be too broke to actually get the time the middle class has to enjoy my children. I think that is the worst part about being poor, not having the time to cherish your children.
So maybe there are those that have large incomes that are poor in that way too, but at least they could change it this afternoon if they wanted too.
For the rest of us being poor is actually a bi-product of something else, lack of drive, acceptance of servitude, comfort in accepting welfare, or mental disease. Mental disease is mine. Many people may not put this together, but that is because they rarely find the cause of the effect. For me and my family, being poor is the effect ADHD has caused. I didn't always know I had ADHD. I retrospect, I believe someone somewhere in my life knew, or at least suspected it but refused to help. And that makes me angry, because knowing is more than 70% of the battle.
Why would knowing about ADHD earlier been beneficial to me? Well, as an adult a lot of things like being on time, or impulse shopping, credit and debt management, choices in employment, choices to start and stop education, failure to prevent unplanned pregnancy, lack of direction and many, many other "little" things can be attributed to ADHD. Knowing the problems that others suffer from could have prevented years of suffering and bad choices. I believe I may have been able to lessen the suffering of my family and even averted many things.
Being on Time: I know it's important to employers, but you may not realize how important it is to other things in the world of a girl. Yeah, friends like it when you are on time, and I have lost friendships because I couldn't be on time. One that many people don't realize is: Being on Time or lack of it can lead to unplanned pregnancy. After all the directions on all Birth Control pills say to take at exactly the same time each day, and warn that a pregnancy can result when it is not. It happened to me, twice. This is also a financial thing; you and I have bills and they need to be paid on-time. Consequences of not being on time for bills can be, late charges, overdraft fees, added interest and other weird penalties that happen after these snowball like not being able to get a better job because of poor credit.
Impulse Control: well, well, this is big too! This encompasses how I met my husband, (a good thing, but caused by lack of control), blurting things out, speaking out of turn, following something shinny instead of what your supposed to do, of course shopping, eating, sex, things that Catholics claim will send you straight to hell and finances. If you lack control, you may do things like quit a job, tell off a friend, threaten someone, file for divorce, or decide to redecorate a room when you don't have cash to pay rent.
Just these to traits have lead to some catastrophes in my life. I can't change what I did. I can now know why these choices made absolutely no logical sense and have an idea on how to prevent them. No knowing I have impulse control issues did not stop me from buying an iPad 2! or some clothes 2 weeks ago for my new job( something I did need, but really should have prioritized other things over it like rent).
But knowing does give me and those around me a little bit of advanced notice, kinda like knowing a kid may dart out in traffic so you can save them before they do.
Hopeless? I think not. Angry and tired! Embarrassed at my lack of anger management this afternoon! Embarrassed that my situation played such a huge factor in forcing my family into welfare. Damn that welfare is so hard to get off of. Damn that finding a new job with a bankruptcy is so impossible! Angry that I quit a good job years ago because I thought I was depressed, when if I had simply known it was ADHD frustration and confusion I could have found someone to help me manage my way. So tonight I instead hope that impulse buy of Juicy Fruit from the grocery store with the Win $100,0000.00 pays off.
So maybe there are those that have large incomes that are poor in that way too, but at least they could change it this afternoon if they wanted too.
For the rest of us being poor is actually a bi-product of something else, lack of drive, acceptance of servitude, comfort in accepting welfare, or mental disease. Mental disease is mine. Many people may not put this together, but that is because they rarely find the cause of the effect. For me and my family, being poor is the effect ADHD has caused. I didn't always know I had ADHD. I retrospect, I believe someone somewhere in my life knew, or at least suspected it but refused to help. And that makes me angry, because knowing is more than 70% of the battle.
Why would knowing about ADHD earlier been beneficial to me? Well, as an adult a lot of things like being on time, or impulse shopping, credit and debt management, choices in employment, choices to start and stop education, failure to prevent unplanned pregnancy, lack of direction and many, many other "little" things can be attributed to ADHD. Knowing the problems that others suffer from could have prevented years of suffering and bad choices. I believe I may have been able to lessen the suffering of my family and even averted many things.
Being on Time: I know it's important to employers, but you may not realize how important it is to other things in the world of a girl. Yeah, friends like it when you are on time, and I have lost friendships because I couldn't be on time. One that many people don't realize is: Being on Time or lack of it can lead to unplanned pregnancy. After all the directions on all Birth Control pills say to take at exactly the same time each day, and warn that a pregnancy can result when it is not. It happened to me, twice. This is also a financial thing; you and I have bills and they need to be paid on-time. Consequences of not being on time for bills can be, late charges, overdraft fees, added interest and other weird penalties that happen after these snowball like not being able to get a better job because of poor credit.
Impulse Control: well, well, this is big too! This encompasses how I met my husband, (a good thing, but caused by lack of control), blurting things out, speaking out of turn, following something shinny instead of what your supposed to do, of course shopping, eating, sex, things that Catholics claim will send you straight to hell and finances. If you lack control, you may do things like quit a job, tell off a friend, threaten someone, file for divorce, or decide to redecorate a room when you don't have cash to pay rent.
Just these to traits have lead to some catastrophes in my life. I can't change what I did. I can now know why these choices made absolutely no logical sense and have an idea on how to prevent them. No knowing I have impulse control issues did not stop me from buying an iPad 2! or some clothes 2 weeks ago for my new job( something I did need, but really should have prioritized other things over it like rent).
But knowing does give me and those around me a little bit of advanced notice, kinda like knowing a kid may dart out in traffic so you can save them before they do.
Hopeless? I think not. Angry and tired! Embarrassed at my lack of anger management this afternoon! Embarrassed that my situation played such a huge factor in forcing my family into welfare. Damn that welfare is so hard to get off of. Damn that finding a new job with a bankruptcy is so impossible! Angry that I quit a good job years ago because I thought I was depressed, when if I had simply known it was ADHD frustration and confusion I could have found someone to help me manage my way. So tonight I instead hope that impulse buy of Juicy Fruit from the grocery store with the Win $100,0000.00 pays off.
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