Generalized and Social Anxiety and the benefit of being an Introvert

Photo Credit Instagram @ajnickmom

Generalized Anxiety and Social Anxiety Disorder

Both are common co-morbid disorder in ADHD.  It's a weird combination ADHD and any anxiety.  It's weird because we have a tendency to get lost in the moment which could result in us saying something that offends someone, or at least we think it does.  And then it keeps us up with overwhelming worry or causes us to avoid people and situations because we some how messed it all up. 

My job is like that.  I'd like to hide. Hide away from the social interactions that make me feel so awkward.  Make me feel like I am being judged.  Make me feel paranoid.  What did I do?  Do they not like me?  Did I offend them?  Is that topic too taboo for work, for other Moms, for Cub Scouts, for PTO, for the cashier at Michael's? Why Do I always miss the social ques that others seem to get?  

Did I wear too much make-up?  Is this top too revealing?  I am I too fat?  Is this lip color to bold for work?  Is there such a thing?  Questions like this plague a mind that lives with Anxiety.  

ADHD makes me loud at the wrong moments.  ADHD leaves my words unfiltered. ADHD gives me wings.  ADHD lets me be creative.  ADHD means I can see the world in ways the "normal people" can't.  ADHD means I can't follow you conventions.  A demand to sit still, just doesn't work on me. ADHD means I can, and will get lost in thoughts, the moment, the project.  It means I can hyper-focus on that thing that is driving you mad in attempts to get my focus on whatever thing that was I should be doing.  ADHD means I have short-term memory issues, that wrong you did to me, I probably forgot.  Oh you owe me $5.00, when did I give you that?  Yesterday?  Oh, okay, thanks.  

Then Anxiety comes back and I fell like you are judging me for forgetting...  I feel like a cactus full of thorns when I interact with you.  I want to run and hide.  But like the cactus photographed here, I am in the spotlight for all to criticize.  

Day eight!!!

I awoke today feeling great! The alarms went off and I didn't go back to sleep. I woke the kids and they did what I have been dreaming they would for years! They just did the things they were supposed to and when they got off track only a gentle nudge. They seem less on edge and more willing to do those chores. Perhaps it's due to the realistic expectations of what hey can do. They aren't perfect and they didn't get demeaned for not completing tasks with military precision. So the things just got done.

Big smile.

The sudden understanding of Julia Roberts' character in Sleeping with the Enemy when she finally feels free from her abuser. It's a surreal feeling to be able to be yourself. No fear or anxiety No overwhelming need to do things for someone else their way on their time table. It's bizarre when you realize you don't need to make the bed right away or panic when the kids spill some cereal on the counter. Or to be able to dance without some one looking down on you or telling you, you can't dance. How weird to be freed. The things that have become habits out of fear and avoidance are slushing off. It is that sexy liberating feeling you imagine in Pretty Woman when Julia Roberts' character receives her prince charming in her crappy apartment.

It's just great!

Oh, and the chores are so much easier and quicker to finish!