Forgot my Strattera

I knew I did when I got out of the car.  I was close to running late.  Totally my fault, I stopped at the grocery store to grab some fresh fruit.

Only writing this because I am bored at work.  Just succeeded on closing another sale, so my boss will likely ignore that I am way off task, again.

Found this interesting picture while searching on Facebook.  

I first noticed I forgot to take my Strattera when I wasted nearly 1 hour on Pinterest this morning   I intended to go take it at lunch.  I even walked to the car to get it.  But I forgot the keys.  Then forgot why I was there and went for a stroll.  There was so much interesting trash in the canal that I ended up wasting the entire hour.  Ooops.

I will take any job...

as long as I can either pay for child care or work in the middle of the night, so I don't need to pay for child care. 

This process of seeking work that meets just those two qualifications seems to be ridiculously tedious.  I remember looking for work being easier.  Maybe it was, or maybe I didn't need to work around my own kids and volunteer activities. 

Sorry world, I want more, not more pay, just more.  I believe that all workers should have the ability to cook their own dinner most nights of the week, visit a friend or family member, attend church and volunteer in their community.  I believe these parts of life should be part of every employees balance.  I don't think that the very activities that make us stronger as a society should be sacrificed. 

Everyone complains about urban blight, crime and how all these kids are left to their own devices as their parents are off earning a living, yet no movement exist to actually change it.  Its not more money that families need, its simply a better balance.  I believe that even on a tiny income if a family could balance life with work without sacrificing one for the other society would be a more peaceful and orderly place, jails less crowded and few people would be hungry.  We as a community would be better able to help our neighbors with their basic needs and thus need government less. 

A question. What would you do?

What to say... I am stressed again.  It's a never ending roller coaster of self-doubt and optimist hope about the future.

Right now I have a case of the I don't want to do anything.  I am content doing nothing but surfing the internet and reading books while I avoid making any decisions.  The list of I need to's, was getting shorter but has started to grow again.  The list of I want to's has begun to befuddle me.  My list of want to's reminds me of an episode of 'Hoarders' where the stuff is about to bury alive the occupants.   Grr...

A slight bit of frustration regarding my inability to make a decision presides over me.  It should be easy.  For heaven sakes just do a SWOT analysis, that is what my brain shouts when I am driving and need to be somewhere on-time.  WIth no time to stop and start a SWOT my brain quickly forgets something important that should be done and needs to be a priority.  Grr....

So I was at the grocery store and I used one of those self check out machines.  I needed cash so I could pay the electric bill.  I selected $40 and retrieved if from the machine to find $50.  I counted it three times, I double checked my receipt, then I asked the supervising cashier to count it.  Sure, enough there was $50.  I gave it to her and said that someone either forgot to pick up their $10.00 or the machine gave me extra money.  Should I have kept it?  And why weren't the kids their to see me doing the right thing? Oh, right it was like 9:30 at night and I was there for milk, bread, and beer.
So, I get where I am going and the questions I need answered aren't fully taken care of.  I get the first and the second question out and then I am suddenly overwhelmed by the need to take in the information and answer the questions it now poses.

On the new job front:  I have serious doubts about the place I am working at.  I have some doubts about my abilities which I think only come from the place I am at.  I still think I can be a great success in Sales, err, insurance sales.  I think I have the natural ability to look and see problems, unfortunately I don't know how to answer them all, and the follow up on questions that can't be answered today is a bit poor.  Boorish!  It bothers me that I forget to follow up with people, or fail to be loud and persistent enough to get all the answers right away.  Which suddenly reminds me about a section in a book I was reading called "is it You, Me or Adult A.D.D.?"that people with ADHD seem to have two different ways of prioritizing; Now and Not Now.  Unfortunately, I am beginning to see that pattern, things are either immediately important and I must hurry and do it right now; everything else falls away when this happens.  Things like the laundry don't get started or finished, books are suddenly left on the floor as I go to answer the phone, or read some Facebook message.  If it doesn't need to be done right now, I usually forget about it.  Like when I have known for weeks about a doctors appointment and keep repeating the date and time, the day finally comes and the time arrives and I am doing something else that needs to be done right now, like buy some ice cream sundaes.

Logic says that I shouldn't be doing that.  But somehow my brain has completely forgotten about that thing it was repeating for weeks at the time its needed.

Oh, back to the doubts about where I am a contracted Insurance agent.  So I took this job, mostly because it sounds really interesting, involves constant changing scenery, meeting new people, and a wild and extravagant lifestyle that seems achievable with it.  But my doubts arise from the fact that the office management, while veterans, they are not veterans with the company.  The result is many questions go unanswered or are superficially answered.  The office is also all married men with stay at home brides.  Which has worked to their great advantage.  Their wife is home taking care of paying the bills, waiting for the plumber, and carting the kids every which way they need, while they are able to focus 100% on the job every day they work.  This has lead to a severe deficiency in our ability to relate to each other when talking about efforts to grow our individual books of business.  Bummer, when you boss tells you that you need to make more dials, more appointments and be available for your new clients even on Cub Scout nights and Saturday when you were really busy washing the laundry, grocery shopping, taking the kids to the library, potty training the 2 year old and somehow getting the toilet cleaned.  Worse still the 2 Field Trainers that were charged with showing me how to be a successful insurance agent, suddenly quit.  Bad right?  Well, they then badder still the boss men were too busy doing things that did not focus on me, err, the new hirers, and we were basically left to try and figure it out on our own.  What did they do to mend this terrible situation?  They promoted a man who has been with the company for about 7 months to trainer and another who has just 4 weeks more time at the company.


So my bosses don't relate to being the chief parent/mom, they don't satisfy my questions with complete answers, they fail to take us on appointments to show us how this job is to be done, they promote people with no experience to trainers, and even worse they hired a new crop that also need the same limited resource I do, them.  I am sure they also plan on hiring another class to start next month too, which just makes it seem like a bad thing.

To be clear, as of this moment I have not quit.  Though I admit I have taken a 2 day sabbatical to evaluate this place.  But I did look at a competitor that seems to be in a better position to facilitate my learning experience and build an actual career as an Insurance Sales person.  I also began searching the job sites today to see what other options I might have.  It does kinda feel nice to have my biggest problems being that my ring is in danger of falling off, my clothes are too big and I can choose where I commit to work.  Oh, I am also thinking about taking a seasonal job doing taxes in addition to insurance sales.  So, What would you do?  Would you take the job with the other company that seems better able to answer your questions and train you for success or would you wait it out and see if someone suddenly becomes successful where you are so you can emulate them?

Are they connected?

you know when your crazy?  I don't!  This learning new insurance products for my new job is exhausting, risky and thrilling.  Oh, yeah, most people don't find insurance that exciting.  In fact I probably just put you to sleep by saying that....  But, you know what...  not sure what I was going to say my mind is a bit fried.

So, I am certain I like the people in my new office.  I think some of us are very much overwhelmed.  A weird fact of 7 new hires, a total of 3 are confirmed ADHD patients.  Weird, I wonder if normal people with normal habits, study skills and time management skills just don't like commission only jobs.  Perhaps it is just too much risk to take on.  Maybe you absolutely must be capable of thinking in weird ways and connecting seemingly unconnected facts to find the products.  Maybe its because we are not always aware of how intimidating selling is or because we get a shear thrill from the challenge of meeting a new person and convincing them we are the real deal.

Why is it that certain jobs seem to attract ADHD people?  Why are so many sales people also ADHD?  Why are more people in the entertainment industry ADHD than the general population?  I don't know, that would be a problem for some other ADHD person to figure out.  After all more scientist, doctors and lawyers then general population have successfully managed the super powers of ADHD!

Yes, ADHD does give me super powers.  Sure, I can't remember to take the trash out or change the oil in the car, but I bet I can get through that technical manuel faster than you and retain more of it and recall it when it is needed.  Something about Hyperfocus abilities, like when Clark Kent could get through that book for English class faster than you.

Other super powers are available to me too!  Like creativity, honesty, and likability.  You know I am likable.  I am creative.  I am honest, if I weren't those three things in such an organic way, you wouldn't read this and you wouldn't remember me when I left your presence.

These super powers give me the extra edge to actually have you remember what I said, feel like I had your best interest at heart, and like I was completely truthful and would tell you what I thought even if you weren't going to like it.  If you felt that way you would be right!