yada, yada, yada.
Oh how I wish this thing was just connected directly to my brain. Then it would be updated all the time. So many things I have wanted to write about and I even had good drafts in my head, but alas, that is how ADHD works.
What seems so simple and easy for others, like just sitting down and tying a good know for your sneakers is just not simple for us. As you may have already guessed I am still full of self doubt and pity. Can't seem to shake the depressed feeling or the constant overwhelming anxiety. All the time, that constant paranoia feeling you are just doing it wrong. Absolutely positive everyone hates you for your behavior. No matter how you try you just can't hide that you underneath all the well meaning "yes, I can". Somehow you just don't meet the expectations of others, let alone yourself.
Why is it that today expectations are constantly in flux? Shouldn't things be predictable? I know I am not predictable! But anyway, what is normal? I know its not what the media reports... Does everyone feel this way? Does everyone have trouble remembering where they put the keys? Or that the water boiling on the stove needs to be attended to? Don't all parents forget to change a dirty diaper once in a while? Or forget to feed the pets?
Everyone else seems to have it all together. That drives me insane!! I want to know what I want so I can go get it. I want to remember to take the dog for a walk or do that thing I can't remember I wanted to do. Of course I will remember when I am 10 miles a way, late for what ever it is, when the baby needs to be changed from the stinky diaper and the 5 year old is screaming about how the baby hit him and the 8 year old is busy being the parent, not to mention we are in the car, so I can't possibly write it down. So I drive repeating to myself that thing I wanted to do, repeatedly and unknowingly cutting other drivers off, screaming, "shut up! I can't drive with all this noise", and forgetting we were going somewhere specific which we were late to, and parking the car in front of my house because I lost the garage remote again.
Oh how I wish this thing was just connected directly to my brain. Then it would be updated all the time. So many things I have wanted to write about and I even had good drafts in my head, but alas, that is how ADHD works.
What seems so simple and easy for others, like just sitting down and tying a good know for your sneakers is just not simple for us. As you may have already guessed I am still full of self doubt and pity. Can't seem to shake the depressed feeling or the constant overwhelming anxiety. All the time, that constant paranoia feeling you are just doing it wrong. Absolutely positive everyone hates you for your behavior. No matter how you try you just can't hide that you underneath all the well meaning "yes, I can". Somehow you just don't meet the expectations of others, let alone yourself.
Why is it that today expectations are constantly in flux? Shouldn't things be predictable? I know I am not predictable! But anyway, what is normal? I know its not what the media reports... Does everyone feel this way? Does everyone have trouble remembering where they put the keys? Or that the water boiling on the stove needs to be attended to? Don't all parents forget to change a dirty diaper once in a while? Or forget to feed the pets?
Everyone else seems to have it all together. That drives me insane!! I want to know what I want so I can go get it. I want to remember to take the dog for a walk or do that thing I can't remember I wanted to do. Of course I will remember when I am 10 miles a way, late for what ever it is, when the baby needs to be changed from the stinky diaper and the 5 year old is screaming about how the baby hit him and the 8 year old is busy being the parent, not to mention we are in the car, so I can't possibly write it down. So I drive repeating to myself that thing I wanted to do, repeatedly and unknowingly cutting other drivers off, screaming, "shut up! I can't drive with all this noise", and forgetting we were going somewhere specific which we were late to, and parking the car in front of my house because I lost the garage remote again.
1 comment:
We are all forgetful at times, its human nature. Nobody is perfect! people may seem like everything is fine, but it may not be. Everyone shows there sides in different ways. Don't let this world get to you. We all go through things such as yourself. Don't beat yourself up about it! Your a good person. Your cousin Monica ~Love you
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