Another Day, another dollar...

No not earned, spent.  Still no job.  Turns out my Dad didn't remember he was going to help me watch the kids this morning so, I didn't have a sitter for my morning job interview.

Panic!

Pure panic!  I didn't know what to do.  I asked my neighbor Helen, but she had a doctors appointment.  My normal last minute sitter didn't answer her phone.  No one left to call, but my little bro who now works nights.  I know he appreciated the call 2 hours after he had gone to bed for the day!  I had no choice... Of course I could have left 3 kids completely unattended in a strange parking lot while I went to the interview....

Thanks Little Bro!  It helped a lot even if I didn't get that job, yet.  But I just might work on getting that job for next year.  Sounds good, damn bankruptcy keeps me from accepting the job today!!!!!!  Pay is was above average, and the interview went great until he said I had to be clear of a bankruptcy 3 years and one whole day.  Damn!  That is not happening until March 2nd, 2013.  Assuming the Mayans were wrong.


Onward again, this time I went to the maid service, but lack of child care made me rely on my Mom and Step Dad, who were tired, so I didn't get to interview today.   Must return tomorrow, but my car is in the shop for scheduled maintenance.    GRRRRR!

Texted my husband for his truck,  he got sassy.  Not helpful as I was in the potential maid services office trying to schedule my follow up interview.  Somehow, I will get to that follow up appointment, even if I need to rent a car or walk all the way there.


Hoping for a dollar earned tomorrow. 

Happy Birthday.... Should you call the cops?!!

Well I am starting to think my birthday is just a bad day.  Last year my car had been broken into.  That should be one of the earliest post on this blog.  It sucked.  I spent the day calling banks, notifying all kinds of people and dealing with the Police.  This year also sucked, only much worse!

Instead of having a birthday party, which no one offered to throw for me.  I spent the day caring for two sick kids.  Yeah, I know it sucks to spend the day at home with a pukey kid, let alone two.  Both kids started the day with fevers, and christening me in their vomit.  I changed my clothes 4 times due to the festivities and bathed twice.  I did 4 loads of bedding covered in bright red vomit.  My fault, I gave my kids red Kool Aid.  Still quite gross. 

So that was bad.  And any normal person would be like that sucks!  Can I please have a do over?!  But the day got much worse.

As I write this posting I am quite confused.  I would say BEFUDDLED if the word didn't seem to be so light-hearted, but alas, I sit before you confused, flaberghasted, appalled and baffled, and befuddled. 

Sick kids is bad.  I started to feel a little sick myself this afternoon, also bad.  But it was a Tuesday, and in my house that means Cub Scouts from 6:30-8:00pm at the local church.  Today was slightly different than our usual, take the kids and supervise them as they learn Boy Things like tying knots, it was a parent meeting.  So that sounds really boring.  And I supposed if I was not an active Committee Member it would be.  I took on the role of Lake Pleasant District Council Scout-O-Rama Chair and Pack 293 Scout-O-Rama Chair, so tonight I had a lot to talk about.  Its big. Its fun.  Its a thing worth doing.  Unfortunately, I'd spent the day caring for sick kids and had forgotten all about the flyers I wanted to make, so in typical ADHD fashion I started making the flyer at 5:45pm when we need to be in the car by 6:10 and on our way.  5:45 is usually when I start getting kids and shoes paired together with anything else like jackets and dues. 

So I made my flyers.  I spoke, parents were not fans of the Assumptive Sales Plans or that volunteering for 4 hour shifts would be a bit different this year.  We talked about the goal of getting 75% of the Scouts to participate in the fundraiser and what participation qualified as.  So, I talked alot and so did some of the other parents that have been the Scout-O-Rama Chair in the past.  Before this started I had texted my husband that I wanted Carolina's for dinner.  No I never sent a message stating what dish I wanted.  The meeting had started and I was not in a position to look down and read text, as I was a presenter. 

I called when the meeting finally finished and asked if he had gotten food.  He said yes, so I went home with 2 sick kids and a very excited Cub Scout who had just learned he would be going to Camp Digalus.  I gathered my things and pushed the kids inside with the expectation of delicious mexican food for me.  Only there was no food for me.  I put my phone down on the dock station in my bedroom, as I do by a forced habit.  (I've lost my phone many times!)  I came out of the room and asked the question any other hungry birthday girl would ask, "Where's my food?"  Was I smiling? No, I was confused and famished.  Was there an air of attitude?  Possibly, but not enough to trigger what happened....

There was an explosion of rage in my house.  Not the first time this has happened, as I have told you in the past my husband has a way of simply exploding with little warning.  Having just walked in the door and still feeling a tad feverish, my eyes got huge like an animal who sees the on comming headlights of a distant car.   He screamed at me, I am sure the neighbors heard.  I yelled back, "What did I do?!!!"  He screamed more about how I didn't respond to his text message!  And how was he supposed to know I didn't eat?!! I attempted to explain what I did at the Cub Scouts Parent Meeting and how I didn't know he sent me a text because I was leading a group.  Then he ranted about how he can't respond to text messages and my phone calls at work!  (Bewildered and hungry I reached for my purse and grabbed my keys)  I said if you needed me to tell you, you should have called.  I started walking outside as He screamed more, and stammered to his food wadded it up and throw uneatten, perfectly good food in to the garbage can as if he was celebrating a game winning touch down.  Floored by the tempertantrum I continued walking out to go get myself my birthday dinner.  He Screamed wildly about how he would go get it for me.  I declined, and Said, "No, I will get my food. "

I made it to the car.  I didn't run.  But perhaps I should have.  I started the car began closing the door, when he swung it back open.  With the engine running, I buckled my seat belt and told him to leave so I could close the door.  Some very unwitty banter happened.  Then he reached across me and yanked the keys out of the ignition.  He ran.  Ran back into the house and locked the door! 

Can you believe that?  I was locked out of my own home, with my kids trapped inside.  I banged on the door, shouted about my cell phone being inside.  He briefly returned to the door to scold me like a child and slam the door again!  Left out in the cold, crying.  Unable to understand what had just happened, cold hungry.  I pleaded to let me in, but nothing.  Just the sound of my sick two year old crying. 

I went to the car, the door still unlocked, looked for a coat.  I stood there, baffled.  Angry, I left.  I began the 1 mile walk to my mothers house.  I didn't have a phone so I could not call anyone for advice.  As I approached the Circle K on the corner I considered asking them to call the Police.  Upset, I continued walking towards my mothers house.  I was one block from her house when she drove up. 

2 hours later, I am still wondering should I call the cops?  Should I go take the kids? What would you do? How do you explain this to 3 frightened kids?

sigh

yada, yada, yada. 

Oh how I wish this thing was just connected directly to my brain.  Then it would be updated all the time.  So many things I have wanted to write about and I even had good drafts in my head, but alas, that is how ADHD works. 

What seems so simple and easy for others, like just sitting down and tying a good know for your sneakers is just not simple for us.  As you may have already guessed I am still full of self doubt and pity.  Can't seem to shake the depressed feeling or the constant overwhelming anxiety.  All the time, that constant paranoia feeling you are just doing it wrong.  Absolutely positive everyone hates you for your behavior.  No matter how you try you just can't hide that you underneath all the well meaning "yes, I can".  Somehow you just don't meet the expectations of others, let alone yourself. 

Why is it that today expectations are constantly in flux?  Shouldn't things be predictable?  I know I am not predictable!  But anyway, what is normal?  I know its not what the media reports...  Does everyone feel this way?  Does everyone have trouble remembering where they put the keys?  Or that the water boiling on the stove needs to be attended to?  Don't all parents forget to change a dirty diaper once in a while?  Or forget to feed the pets?

Everyone else seems to have it all together.  That drives me insane!!  I want to know what I want so I can go get it.  I want to remember to take the dog for a walk or do that thing I can't remember I wanted to do. Of course I will remember when I am 10 miles a way, late for what ever it is, when the baby needs to be changed from the stinky diaper and the 5 year old is screaming about how the baby hit him and the 8 year old is busy being the parent, not to mention we are in the car, so I can't possibly write it down.  So I drive repeating to myself that thing I wanted to do, repeatedly and unknowingly cutting other drivers off, screaming, "shut up!  I can't drive with all this noise", and forgetting we were going somewhere specific which we were late to, and parking the car in front of my house because I lost the garage remote again. 

Ahhhhhh!

hello bereft....

would love to contact you and chat a bit on the difficulties of love and all the really important life stuff.

actually been thinking about it awhile, but an old devil called generalized anxiety has been plaguing me of late.  

I noticed that your not listed as a follower or was it registered user..?  Anyway I can't contact you because of one of those reasons.

Everyone else;

Yeah I haven't been keeping this up very well lately.  Yes, I started a new job.  I really like the job.  As I was telling bereft, this old devil I used to know has possessed me.  Things are difficult enough in general, even with out ADHD, but that whole anxiety thing is quite paralyzing.  Actually, looked at all the drugs underneath my sink and couldn't decide which one to try again, or if I should just take some benadryl, or call my family doc, or the clinic that provides the ADHD medication, which then lead me to wonder why I had an extra bottle of Adderall ER and Adderall under there.  Have I been missing the doses that often?  Did I somehow get my script filled twice?  What the hell?  Why was I freaking out 2 months ago because I was running out?  Was it always there?  I know I miss it a couple of times a month, but I take it with the birth control and the little blister pack shows only a few missed ones!?
So then their is trying to explain what an anxiety disorder is to new people, new people I work with, who instead of being helpful actually became so overwhelming that looking at emails, the ringing cell phone, that beeping text message, just made me hide; not want to hide, actually hide.  How do you explain it when their is no logic?  And then you go and screw other things up like a friendship, because your trying to express how envious you are of their situation, which they think just sucks, and make them all mad.  Dude, don't think she liked me very much or even accepted that I tried to apologize, or understood I wasn't being mean, just trying to say how very lucky she really was, because if she had experienced what I had she wouldn't think I was being condescending, or whatever she thought.  Gees, this sucks.  How do you explain that to people?  How do you apologize for something that you don't actually have control over?  How do you explain that even if you could take a pill to make it all go away, you would need to wait until the next available appointment at the clinic--which is a very long, long, time from now.  Sure, you can try and tell me just say your sorry, but reality is ADHD makes things difficult for co-workers and anxiety just makes you seem like a non-caring ass-hole because you can't answer the phone.  Never mind, that you haven't slept or eaten anything of substance for weeks, and just now figured that out, or that you literally threw up when they called and you ignored the quacking ring that was just too cute a few weeks ago.  Yes, I already know I just can't do anything right.  I get it.  My marriage sucks, I can't manage working, I can't manage housework, I can't afford to feed the family now that food stamps were taken away.  That was something I wanted, I wanted to stand on my own two feed and be rid of the State Welfare system.  Yeah, but now I am freaking out!  How do you feed a family, when you don't actually have a steady paycheck, you owe possibly thousands to a babysitter, but are so stressed by just knowing you owe money that you can't add it up to find out how bad it really is?!!  You say yeah just take a Valium and sleep on it.  I so would if I had them or the courage to just take a little magic pill.  Oh, and I read a book, one given to me by Parent Partners, who help people manage the social worker and education system so that things they need are taken care of, like an IEP for a kid, or speech therapy.  The book was the Jenny McCarthy book,  Louder than Words, which really made me feel even more guilty about what I missed along the way, things that you know would have or should have made me say hey this is what is wrong and why I think my kid needs some help before its too late!  Yeah, I felt very guilty, angry, though I eagerly read the whole book in a few hours.  I didn't feel joy, I picked up on all the bad things parents with children who aren't quite normal go through, like the avoiding friends-until they aren't friends anymore, not going to play groups, being terrified of regular preschool because you know kids are not politically correct, their blunt, they just come out and say it.  Oh, I don't know if this helps anyone understand what a paralyzing thing anxiety can become in your life.  And you don't know how bad it is until you are negatively impacting everyone around you.  

a job and an iPhone

So I can't remember what I said last on this blog. My head has been snapped at least 5 times in the last 10 days. I have a hard time believing it has been a week since I accepted the tentative offer of employment at Bankers Life and Casualty as an Insurance agent.

I signed up for a cram class that was suggested by the managing agent at Bankers. I picked up the book the same day I had my interview, after all I did not want to waste anytime. I wanted to have read the whole study guide and go to the cram class prepared and ready to ask for clarification. It was supposed to be easy to accomplish. After all there was a plan, my husband was supposed to be home on vacation from his last week of work. So he would watch the kids, I would go to my mothers quiet house and study, study, study. Sounded good and it looked easy.

HA! God has a terribly sick sense of humor. First I got sick eating a can of Chef Boyardee Ravioli. (I was so concerned that I had eaten recalled food, I called ConAgra Foods, they sent me a coupon that I got today.) That sucked. Then my husband went to work, for what was supposed to be the last day.

He got home late that day and told me it was not his last day after all... unless I wanted it to be. He had been offered a split shift in the back room as a back office receptionist/warehouse manager. It paid better than anything else part-time. In a panic about how we were going to pay rent in August, I told him to accept it. Even if the boss man tried to lower the payrate he offered.

Anyway that was nice, but it started right away. Bummer is that ment I would not be able to escape away from the kids and go study. It meant I would be forced to try and read this crazy technical study guide while the kids, screamed, cried, laughed, made a mess, peed on the floor, chased the dog, complained about being hungry and made piles of dirty laundry and dishes. If you are wondering, I never got past the first page!

So I went to the Cram Study class, thankfully without the kids; and now I owe my sitter for her time. Bummer, more cost and not enough income. So I got past the first page and all the way to the last chapter I needed to read. I remembered some of it.

If you did not go to high school with me then you simply don't know how anal-retentive I am. Just knowing a little bit about it, or knowing enough to maybe pass was not enough. So I rescheduled my test which was supposed to be on Sunday. So glad I did. My brain was so fried by Friday Evening that I had failed to check emails or voicemail messages. I missed seeing my step-sister who was in town. Kinda Annoyed about that, but it happens when people assume you are unemployed so you can be called last minute!

So I missed seeing my sister. I missed my Mom's birthday, and I who knows what other fun thing or great opportunity was missed because I had my head so deep in a book that I couldn't tell you if I changed my underwear. Okay, Okay, the point of this tangent?! I realized how much I really did NEED a cell Phone. Not the one I have set up on my iPad, but a real one, that rings when you are in class, or on the loo. So now I have one.

I could have done the responsible thing and found my missing pay as you go Virgin Mobile phone, but after a few quick searches I started looking instead for a better replacement. I looked at other pre-paid services, I looked at all kinds of family plans. I tried to convince myself and my husband that we could get a non Apple phone. I am an elitist snob. I know. I know I didn't need another mobile Apple product. I could have just gotten some crappy phone that only makes calls and sends text messages. It might have saved me the data plan and perhaps a few dollars on the hand set, but I would never have given up my envy, love, and downright obsession with the iPhone I have always wanted.

I know it is too expensive. I know it is a want and not a need. I know it just puts one more nail in the Elitist Snob sign, but hey I don't drink wine and tell you how this one is better than that same one that is grown 2 miles to the north. Nor will I tell you how great I am.... Then again, if I continue on this path and make the type of money I intend on with my new job, no telling how Snobish or Elitist I might become.

She said what?!!!

I really thought that was some myth. I mean a social worker would not suggest such a thing, ever! It goes against some code of conduct right?!

So I visited a Social Worker today. She was nice, very rushed and obviously overworked. She also is underpaid according to what she claims to make per month. She tried to help. I think she is sincere. She did not have any suggestions on what resources one can use in my situation, so she called on a colleague that said something that is just pain WTF! After listening to the predicament I face about being on State Assistance and my problem with how I must find a Full Time Job with benefits that pays well enough to make up the deficit I will face and pay for child care she said I should tell DES that my husband and I split up.

Now don't get me wrong, there are days when he is grumpy and I am grumpy and that sounds like a great idea. The reality is even though I don't agree with him, and I often wish he did more, made more, participated more or what have you; I can't actually tell you what more of any it he could realistically do that would somehow make life so much less stressful and make all of us that much happier. I don't know what it is that could change it. No I am not stuck in some bad relationship, I am in a real world adult relationship, and the part that matters is just dandy with me. I don't think the part that matters can somehow be so much better, if I did then I suppose that crazy suggestion might make sense.

What the social worker thought telling DES we split would do is: first we would continue to get food stamps and health care when he went to school full time, we would then be eligible for cash assistance to pay for necessities like electricity, we would become eligible for section 8 housing assistance-though she said the wait was really long, we would also become eligible for child care subsidy so I could go to school or work or both, and that I would then possibly be eligible for some single mom to work programs. While many of these things sound great and I really would like to receive child care assistance so I could work and he can go to school, lying...

Really? That is the best option in here opinion. And I am not sure why either. Doing that does not actually improve our situation. In fact it just prolongs how long we stay in abject poverty and dependent on tax payers. Though the system is not exactly set up to get you on your feet and into the black, either. FYI; doing what she suggested just means that the State would then try to pursue my husband for the cash assistance when he does find another job while he attends school or even after he graduated. So it really does prolong how long you stay poor.

I just wonder why their is not some sorta gap filler so you can actually get off the system permanently. I know that finding a job is a great idea; but if I can't afford to feed my family or pay for child care so I can work, that I will just end up falling right back into the system and instead of grudgingly accepting medical insurance for the good of my children, I will end up demanding so much more because we will literally be forced onto the streets to meet the requirements and still be a whole family. If I can't find a job that pays enough for us to eat, have shelter, have electricity for heating and cooling, cover children's daycare expenses, the cost of getting to work by car, the cost of insuring the car, cover medical expenses and maybe a little extra for some fun, we will end up broke, on the street (living in our car), needing immediate emergency family housing, emergency food assistance, emergency cash assistance and possibly forcing the state to pay Foster Care expenses so our children can be in a safe place and not sleeping in the car. All of that is much more expensive then helping us fill in a gap or finding a resource that can help us manage.

And all the neigh sayers will say things like find cheaper housing, get rid of the car, the car insurance, don't heat or cool your home, and leave my children in a dangerous environment because I can't afford to higher someone who can keep them safe while we are away. Right, Lets see them leave their child in a meth house so they can go to work, because it is all they can afford. Let me see them find SAFE, CLEAN, housing that is close to a school that is actually teaching children to succeed. Okay right, when I can find a Cheap, Safe, Clean home that has a school I can trust that also happens to be on a bus line, with everything in walking distance I will give up the car. Unfortunately, I have not found a place that exists. Nor have I found a job near that imaginary place. So until then I will need a car to get the kids to school, daycare and myself to work and my husband can take the bus to school. Not that him taking the city bus to school would make a significant dent in family finances since it would still cost about $50.00 a month for the pass and significantly increase the amount of time the children need to be in childcare, thus increasing that expense more than the savings in gas and insurance. Maybe if the car he had needed a major overhaul....but it doesn't so, financially it doesn't add up to get rid of his vehicle as it doesn't save time or money.

That is what this all comes down to. Time. And Money. It takes time for a family to land safely on its feet after suffering a few financial set backs. And it takes money to afford the things that keep them from falling back again.

So the nice social worker felt awful because she could not provide any assistance that would help us up and out of the conundrum we face, and she was right to feel that way. I feel that way. What am I supposed to do? How can we as a family stay together? How can we stay afloat until we have finished our educations that barely hold any promise of a better paying job? I don't have an answer. I just know I will find a job, I will find health care benefits and I will find child care, I just don't know if I can afford going to work for less than 35K. Could you feed and shelter a family of 5 for that? Could you do it for less and still have the safe feeling in your belly when you leave for work each day?

If you have ideas on how to manage this problem, please share. Not only could it help me, and I am asking for it, it could help others that read this some day. :)

Testing iPad

So I finally got it. Thanks fed ex man. I am doing what all dirty little geeks do when they get a new toy. Thankfully my hubbie has the day off so he is busy watching the kids, changing diapers, sweeping, mopping and desperately waiting for me to get tired of my new thing.

So I got a few "productivity apps" that I still need to imput info into, like the pantry app, the calendar

And the address book. So far the iPad has been everything it was advertised to be. I also think that this could be a great tool for general life improvement, aka organization.

Apps that I find useful: monarch-a free app that let's you post to blogger and add pictures. cozi a great family calendar app that also allows you to make grocery list, Pantry, while not set up, this thing has the potential to keep my from buying things I already have, like toothpaste, friended, I like it because it looks a lot like full Facebook in a browser, and seems go work Well. Mint, well this certainly beats writing in a checkbook register. And a few things I can't remember the actual names of,s texting service for free, VoIP thing that let's me make calls- though I am too cheap to pay the 9.99 to actually let you call me,so send me an email and I will call you or if you are among the lucky three I gave the number to text me.

So now on to all the non iPad things I should have been doing for the last 2 days!

An end

So the world has literally ended.  All the trouble of last week has, well resolved.  I guess that is the simplest way to put it.  It is not very nice to say it that way, a life ended, another will be changed forever, and others will simply need to learn to live again.  Bad things last week resolved themselves badly.  It hurts, makes you feel empty, hopeless and like life just is not fair.

Coping.  So today everyone who's world changed must get out of bed, though it seems impossible to do so.  Today cousins got dressed, fed kids, went to work, made plans to remember.  Tommorow Aunts, and Uncles will do the same.  And the next day sisters and brothers will rise and start the day missing one.  A mother and father will take more days but will start again soon.  That is all that can be done.  Clean the kitchen, vacuum the floor, scrub the bathroom, then again tomorrow.  Eat.

Most of the confusion about my own place in the world still exist.  What can one do?  What can you say when someone else doesn't think your entitled to your own pain?  What can one do when you see your family treating each other badly though they were grown years ago?  What can you do but watch the anger, feel frustration and know that everyone is simply exhausted?  Can anyone relive the tension or help each other rest so that tomorrow is better?

On the death.  Those who are asking why,  I think there is an answer.  I think we die when we have learned what we were here to learn.  There is some lesson God wanted us to learn, and when we have the answer we get to go home.  For some of us, we find the answer and learn the lesson early and we die young.  For those of us unlucky souls, we live long lives, grow gray, some watch their own children go before them, for us left here on earth we haven't found the answer or learned the lessons of life God had in mind. So have faith, you can get home too, it just may take some more time.  I say we ought to envy those who have died young for they were blessed and just maybe if you listen they can provide you clues to the road home.

A Letter to Telemarketers

Dear Telemarketer,

I hate you.  Why can't you leave a message?  Look I screen my calls.  I don't always want to talk to my family or my creditors, but I might want to talk to you.  I requested information.  I expected someone to call me.  I expect the caller id to tell me who it might be, but it doesn't because you called from some conglomerate representing 500 companies.

You call me at all hours of the day.  Promptly at 8am and again in an hour.  Repeat until 9pm in the evening.  You called at least 10 times, but left no messages.  Paralyzed with fear you were someone I owed money to, I did not answer.

You call me again the next day and the next.  You call me like a stalker calls his beloved.  You never leave a message.  A few times you breath heavily into my answering machine.  Nice.

Could you tell me who you are?  Really I am in the mood to talk to a stranger.  I find it strangely calming, so long as I don't owe you money.

I ask, leave me a message so I can call you back.  I can't promise I will remember to do it today, tomorrow or even next week.  But if I know who you are I won't get mad and swear at your part-time evening worker desperate to make commission this week.

I screen my calls, do I want to talk with you?  I don't know leave a message.   I can hear you breathing after the beep.  I just want to know you before we talk.

Thanks,

Pamela

Overwhelmed, again...

So, I know it has been nearly three weeks since I posted any thoughts on anything.  I must tell you it has been a rather overwhelming three weeks.  

My list of anxiety causing events:

Cub Scouts poor communication

Laundry

Stinky Dog Ears

Rising cost of Meat and Fresh Produce

Freezing temperatures

Actually loosing weight

Husband goes to dentist for the first time in 8 years

Astroid to hit earth 2029, 2036

Potty Training

Treasure hunting

Coupons!

Grocery Sales

Health Care and fear of loosing it in June

Dishes, dishes, dishes

Balancing the checkbook

finding a desk to put my things on

Increasing amount of email

iTouch 2.0 or iPhone

growth spurts of children

no ice cream in the house

Okay it really could go on for another 10,000 items, but these are the things that are on my mind right this second.  If you can't fathom all that on the mind at once then you are not a Mom or ADD!  The mind of Pamela O is always this busy and random. 

Cub Scouts, while a potential way to help my son get a college scholarship and great for building basic organization and self confidence skills is very bad with communication.  Perhaps it is not lack of communication but over communication.  I personally can not handle 10-15 emails in a week about 3 or 15 different events and important things we should know.  I think maybe they should simply send out an email on Wednesday or Thursday right after our weekly meeting.  If it was important simply send out one email of all the things that came from the Weekly meetings and all the announcements that come from the all the sports venders that want our dollars.  I really can't handle all the emails!

On Laundry...  This never ending chore is my nemesis!  What is it about boys and them making several pairs of dirty clothes each day.  Why do they need to throw clean clothes in the dirty basket.  Aye, digress.

Stinky Dog Ears!  Oh how I wish I could pay for a visit to the Vet!  This poor dog has stinky ears, and really for the last few years!  Why can't what ever causes the smell in the ear just die!  The problem with being poor and managing money badly....

Then there is this: rising cost of meat!  Why does it now cost $20.00 for 2 t-bone steaks?  Maybe it cost that before.  I've never actually bought such a lavish item.  It sounded so sexy.  Dinner for two, T-bone steaks, rice, salad, beer and margaritas.  After buying it, it is just ridiculously expensive.  So the cost of hamburger, something I regularly buy, is now 3.99 to 5.99 a pound.  I really want a sale, but if one doesn't come on Wednesday I will take my Safeway raincheck for 1.99 extra lean ground meat.  Why does meat cost more?  Can't say.  I know why fruits and veggies cost more.  It is cold so it all comes from Argentina and Chile which cost something ridiculous to ship to AZ.  I really do like strawberries, just don't want to pay 4.99 a pound.

It has been cold in Phoenix, AZ.  Okay so it is not Michigan cold, there is not snow, at least not in my yard, but it has been below freezing an afoul lot lately.  It is normally wonderful in Phoenix this time of year, about 50 in the evenings and 65+ in the day.  This year it has been below freezing at least 15 days in my neighborhood, and close to that many more days.  That means a higher electric bill.  I have a pre-paid electric box, that means when the weather man says it will be 22 degrees on Wednesday, I need to go add money to keep the house warm.  The difference between fabulous Phoenix winter days and wholly shit it's cold is $6.00+ a day.  A regular day, $3.50.  A freezing day, $10.00. 

So loosing weight is great! Until your pants starts falling off your hips, and your T-shirts turn into moo-moos!  Did you know that there is not any alteration shops around me?  You remember supply and demand?  Wow, I think I am going to do my alterations after this, $130.00 for 5 pair of pants and 4 shirts.  Okay they are jeans and knit shirts, but still it is expensive, and I should probably add most of the pants were way too long and I just ignored it because I would need to take them in for alterations, which is expensive.

So my husband finally went to the dentist.  The last time he went to the dentist he was in the Marine Corps, 2002.  You bet he had cavities.  Why did he finally go, even though we have no money to pay the dentist?  It hurt.  

Astroid to come near earth, Friday, April 15th, 2029.  I am sure it will be Thirteen Hundred Hours when it happens too.  Nasa and Russia claim this astroid will come so close that it will actually fly under our satellites.  Worse still, we do not have any Space Ships to go out into outer space and try to stop it!  Why is this so important, I mean, really, it is just near Earth.  Well, glad you asked!  It is predicted to return to Earth in 2036 and scientist are not certain if Earth's own gravity will cause it to collide into Earth or push it off into space.  Now I bet you see why the government should spend Money on NASA, and why we should be teaching math and science in our schools.  God gave us means to do it, so lets do it.  I would like to be  older than 55 when I die.  Of course this is all null and void if the world ends in 2012.

So now I must stop this typing and go fold the laundry and do all the other things I still have not vented about.  

Rocket Day!

Glad it finally came and glad I did not die on the freeway!  

My son joined the Cub Scouts this year and we have been going nearly every Tuesday to see rushed and overwhelmed parents ditch their kids at the Baptist Church for 1 hour.  If I had only one kid, or someone to watch my other two little boys I would do the same.  God knows I could use 1 hour without screaming and crying kids.  Instead I sit in the little room with 12, second graders and a couple of parents all checking off Achievements so little boys can earn badges.  

If you don't know what the Cub Scouts are they are little tiny Boy Scouts in training.  Boy Scouts are young boys that are supposed to learn community values, duty to family, country and God.  Don't worry God can come before country I just wrote them in that order because we don't belong to a church so we are having trouble earning the "religious duty" badges.

My son wanted to join the cub scouts because he thought it would be fun.  He had no idea it was so much work!  I said yes because I had no idea how expensive it would be.  So every week we go and the kids make crafts, run around in circles and laugh a lot.  

This weekend was Rocket Day.  A day of little boys, Dad's, Grandpa's, some single Mom's and Mom's that because Dad's were grumpy or lazy.  It was a bit more organized then some of the other Cub Scout events, like fishing.  It also started on time.  The boys all gave their rockets over for inspection and had the bigger boys, Boy Scouts, set them up. 

 Ready, Set, Launch. 

Dad launched the first rocket with AJ.  It went very high.  Well, Grandpa bought the largest engine that would fit in the rocket!  It went about 1200 Meters!  Yes, Meters, not feet, so that is about 3600 feet up in the air.  It was so high up that it was difficult to track.  Then it went so far south of the school that it nearly left campus.  

Second time I launched with AJ and it went VERY high again and the wind carried it up and over the fence.  So far so good.  It is definitely one of the highest flying rockets.  AJ is esctatic and thinks this is just awesome!  Imagine 40 little 7-10year olds running and screaming all over the as rockets fall from the sky.  Add to all the chaos a 17month old little boy exploring everyone elses plot, and a 4 year old that is whining because it is cold.  I did not have a real blanket so I got the emergency milar blanket form what is left of the emergency car kit that was robbed on Monday.  Don't forget the snacks for sale that the 4 year old wants and the 17 month old keeps stealing and the pizza he took from one of the scout leaders.  Just pure chaos.  Try not loosing one of the kids when they are all in different directions.  

So how did I end up in the freeway?  We launched the rocket a third time.  Up, up and away it went!  High and it looked like it was going to go into the neighborhood....

A strong just of wind had the rocket take a sharp right turn.  All we could do was watch as it gently floated down, down, down.  Oh, wait semi truck!  Whoosh, nice, fast semi truck pushes the air and it falls.  Safely in the middle of the 101 freeway.  

Now what?  I have a very upset second grader who wants his rocket.  Times up I quickly gather the kids, the husband, the mylar blanket and all the juice boxes.  In the car we go. 

If you have ever gotten out on the highway to fix a tire or wait for AAA.  You know getting out of the car in the center median is absolutely insane!  I got out and see my son's rocket, and 15 feet ahead another kids rocket.  Back in the car, there are more rockets on the other side of the highway.  So far I have not been hit by a car, but I definitely want to change my pants!  This time hubby gets out and recovers one rocket, he found a fourth rocket but it had become roadkill.