Monday, January 17, 2011

Happy Birthday, Your car has been broken into.

Happy birthday Me.  

No I am did not make that up.  I was enjoying my morning, expecting to sleep in, after-all it is my Birthday and I can do what I want.  It was 7:30 am when my oldest son, AJ comes barging into my room, shouting, "Mommy the car door is open!" 

Well crap, I hop out of bed, not realizing I took the time last night to sleep in my birthday suit.  Mind the store my 7 year old is still in my room and now he sees Mommy in her birthday suit.  At least I wore it on the right day, right?!  Crap, now I know I am nude.  I tell him, "get out, go get the keys to the car and get out."  I am half dressed when he comes back in with the keys.  I tell him, "Go close the car door!" 

Finally I am dressed enough to go outside.  I look the car windows are not broken, but the trunk is open.  I look into the trunk, damn.  Well it was already a mess, but the Emergency Road Side Kit is missing.  I go ahead and look into the front passenger seat.  The jackasses managed to make my car even dirtier!  The radio is still there.  The contents of my kids diaper bag is thrown about the front seat.  I open the glove box.  Huh.  Can't remember why I thought opening the glove box was important.  I keep looking in the car.  I am mad!  Very mad!  I wish I know who did it so I could go slash their tires.  

I push the button on the car key to lock and arm the alarm.  I turn around, great, the jack ass must have thought my Emergency Road Side Kit was a giant purse.  The contents are thrown all over the parking lot next to the garbage can.  I pick up the emergency tow rope, the jumper cables, the bag, and then realize my road flares are missing.  I bet that jack ass thought it was something fun, idiot!  Oh look!  I found my sun glasses.  

Crap!  Damn!  Now I remember why it was so important to check the glove box!  Last night I put my wallet in the glove box after I bought the kids Happy Meals from Mc Donald's.  Fuck!  My wallet, my ID, double fuck my credit card!  Now I want to kill the jack ass.  I just got that credit card!   Damn, today is MLK day.  No way I can get a new ID.  

I start scavenging the parking lot, don't see my wallet.  I check inside the garbage can, I don't see it.  It is bright, no florescent pink.  I start checking neighbors yards.  Nothing.  Angry and defeated I turn to go home.  There it is.  Underneath that damn diesel truck.  I hate that truck!  My wallet.  I got it.  It looks like some punk thought I would actually have cash in my wallet.  Everything is there, kinda, it is all over the ground, but my card and ID are there.  Who the hell carries cash?  Why would you take a pink wallet and then dump it on the ground?

Great now I gotta call the bank and cancel my credit card and debit card.  I know it is unlikely that they stole my credit card numbers, but you can't be too careful.  Great now its is my birthday, the banks are closed, I don't have cash and now I can't go anywhere or buy anything for my birthday.  

Happy Birthday me.

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