Okay so now I am the only adult working in my house. I gotta say that was not something I was expecting. I was hoping my husband would suck it up and stay where he was, but instead they fired him. It was not a surprise. He was just a seasonal employee. But it is a bummer.
Just as things were financially starting to stabilize, I am back to the oh shit. How do we pay for that or the other thing. We just bought this house. Err... Excuse me while I panic. Now I need to cancel my private employer insurance that I just got because well, we can't afford it and the state of Arizona says we are poor enough to qualify for state medicaid. I was so excited to have my own insurance start this week. I hope I can cancel it. I mean its a life change right?
I also now regret ordering a Valentines Day Gift. Damn, now we definitely can't afford it. Shit it already shipped. Yes I am still panicking!
So what do I do? Should I get a second job? A better paying gig? I like the new gig. I mean how many people can say that they got a chance to work for Facebook's Marketing Team? Its a great opportunity for me to learn about Social Media and marketing in general. Yes I thought I knew everything about Facebook. Now I know I didn't know shit about it.
I was planning on going back to school with the help of my Vocational Rehabilitation Counselor, which I finally get an appointment with later this month. I managed to get my Mom to agree to help me with my school debt so I can go back to classes later too. I also wanted to take a class at the Community College to work with Adobe Suite Software and learn more about the graphic side of advertising. Though that would be awesome and fun. But now I am panicking.... Do I continue with my plan to go back to school and learn more about Marketing or do I look for a second job so we can get off Government Assistant.
For those of you asking, why doesn't he just get a different job? You have missed a lot. He is not the type of man that will get a job, any job, even if its one he does not like so his family can be financially secure. He is the type of guy that only wants to take a job he thinks is easy or doesn't work with people. Turns out he hates people. All previous suggestions that he go work at one of the fast food joints or retail stores have not gone well.
So let me know what you think. Should I continue with my plan to return to school or drop that to get a second job?
Showing posts with label Fustration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fustration. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
A pile of papers...
So what else have you done this week? Oh, I am glad you asked. I have been crazy busy! Mostly doing the thing everyone likes least; dealing with Social Services. I absolutely hate this process! It is quite demeaning and absolutely time consuming.
The quest for assistance continues. Last month, March 2012, I and my children were dropped from the Arizona Medicaid Program twice! It was upsetting, frustrating. Plagued by trying to do the right thing, we were dropped for failure to provide proof of income. Why? Oh it went to the wrong address and was delayed! So we didn't recieve notifcation that additional information was needed until after Medicaid had dropped us. Many phone calls, okay just 2, but it was well over 2.5hours on the phone with an actual person! I can't tell you how long I spent on hold.... So thinking everything is fixed and good to go. I went about my family business and searched for a job.
Then I learned it was again dropped and that they said since I had quit working voluntarily I and my children were to remain ineligible for 1 year! Absolute craziness!!!!!!!! Yes, I admit I stopped going to work, but only because I could not afford to FEED my three children and pay for CHILD CARE for one child. I was forced to make a choice, between maintaining my families status on the food Stamp program so we could eat, or leaving my 2 year old unattended, so I could go to work! This was the choice I was faced with because Arizona cut all funding to the Child Care Subsidy program in 2008 to balance the budget and I was not making an adequate commission from Aflac. (Not all my fault, but not all Aflac's fault either.) Eventually a few supervisors understood what I was trying to explain, and helped me fix the situation, or so I am told. Currently, we do not have food stamps to buy food, which could be because I misunderstood when we would receive them, or because we were dropped again.
Onward! More Social Services fun! A while back my five year old was on an IEP in the Developmental Preschool, then I was told he was ineligible for his kindergarten year, but if I received a diagnosis he would be reconsidered for an evaluation at school. Alas, I presented the school with a copy of the Psychiatrist notes and requested he be re-evaluated the second week of school. Nearly the end of the school year he has not been re-evaluated! His teacher has begun to express concern about his ability to grip a pencil and scissors properly, aka -motor skills are falling behind! Unable to move the mountain that is the IEP process at Peoria Unified I have begun pursing the other avenues of assistance. The Arizona Department of Developmental Disabilities and Social Security Disability Income. At this point I hope that one of these government agencies will be able to assist me so that he does not fall further behind. Perhaps one can provide us with ideas on how to improve his motor skills, reading skills and social understanding of the world around him or even provide us with financing to give him Occupational Therapy or Physical Therapy for his motor skills development. Aggregated, yes. This process is very time consuming! If I had a job I am not certain I would be able to peruse any assistance for my son.
The shear amount of paperwork working with all the agencies has created in the last 45 days is appalling. My poor 3 inch binder has become overwhelmed. Between my desire to better manage my own ADHD issues and to prevent my son from suffering needlessly when he can learn to work better with his abilities, the folder is exploding. The problem is all the agencies want a copy of what the other agency has done, what the other physician has stated, ect. So, I keep copies! Soon I will have to separate my own paperwork from the families, and possibly his from the families, just so I don't end up with back problems from carrying all the papers with me.
I will likely separate mine from the families later today. Simply working with the Social Worker at Fresh Start Women's Center, my counselor at Terros, my Vocational Rehabilitation Intake Worker, and my own physicians/psychiatrist is a Martha Steward organizational wet dream. Thank God, that I am pretty anal retentive, and good at organizing endless streams of paper!
Exasperated.
The quest for assistance continues. Last month, March 2012, I and my children were dropped from the Arizona Medicaid Program twice! It was upsetting, frustrating. Plagued by trying to do the right thing, we were dropped for failure to provide proof of income. Why? Oh it went to the wrong address and was delayed! So we didn't recieve notifcation that additional information was needed until after Medicaid had dropped us. Many phone calls, okay just 2, but it was well over 2.5hours on the phone with an actual person! I can't tell you how long I spent on hold.... So thinking everything is fixed and good to go. I went about my family business and searched for a job.
Then I learned it was again dropped and that they said since I had quit working voluntarily I and my children were to remain ineligible for 1 year! Absolute craziness!!!!!!!! Yes, I admit I stopped going to work, but only because I could not afford to FEED my three children and pay for CHILD CARE for one child. I was forced to make a choice, between maintaining my families status on the food Stamp program so we could eat, or leaving my 2 year old unattended, so I could go to work! This was the choice I was faced with because Arizona cut all funding to the Child Care Subsidy program in 2008 to balance the budget and I was not making an adequate commission from Aflac. (Not all my fault, but not all Aflac's fault either.) Eventually a few supervisors understood what I was trying to explain, and helped me fix the situation, or so I am told. Currently, we do not have food stamps to buy food, which could be because I misunderstood when we would receive them, or because we were dropped again.
Onward! More Social Services fun! A while back my five year old was on an IEP in the Developmental Preschool, then I was told he was ineligible for his kindergarten year, but if I received a diagnosis he would be reconsidered for an evaluation at school. Alas, I presented the school with a copy of the Psychiatrist notes and requested he be re-evaluated the second week of school. Nearly the end of the school year he has not been re-evaluated! His teacher has begun to express concern about his ability to grip a pencil and scissors properly, aka -motor skills are falling behind! Unable to move the mountain that is the IEP process at Peoria Unified I have begun pursing the other avenues of assistance. The Arizona Department of Developmental Disabilities and Social Security Disability Income. At this point I hope that one of these government agencies will be able to assist me so that he does not fall further behind. Perhaps one can provide us with ideas on how to improve his motor skills, reading skills and social understanding of the world around him or even provide us with financing to give him Occupational Therapy or Physical Therapy for his motor skills development. Aggregated, yes. This process is very time consuming! If I had a job I am not certain I would be able to peruse any assistance for my son.
The shear amount of paperwork working with all the agencies has created in the last 45 days is appalling. My poor 3 inch binder has become overwhelmed. Between my desire to better manage my own ADHD issues and to prevent my son from suffering needlessly when he can learn to work better with his abilities, the folder is exploding. The problem is all the agencies want a copy of what the other agency has done, what the other physician has stated, ect. So, I keep copies! Soon I will have to separate my own paperwork from the families, and possibly his from the families, just so I don't end up with back problems from carrying all the papers with me.
I will likely separate mine from the families later today. Simply working with the Social Worker at Fresh Start Women's Center, my counselor at Terros, my Vocational Rehabilitation Intake Worker, and my own physicians/psychiatrist is a Martha Steward organizational wet dream. Thank God, that I am pretty anal retentive, and good at organizing endless streams of paper!
Exasperated.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Taboo
Taboo
I was left wondering what is so taboo about sharing your life after I stopped laughing at the silly bickering left in the comments.
Why is it not okay to share? I know some will say you need to keep your problems to yourself, it's not our business. I must disagree.
Here's why. Not sharing is how critical mass was reached in my marriage. Now I am not looking for a meddling mother in law. But when people keep their worries and joys to themselves they ultimately suffer and do does the community at large.
See there is someone out there that is going to read these blog post and see their own marriage. They might recognize that they need to seek help before they need assistance from the police or find themselves in divorce court. Even more important a friend or family member may realize that your family needs help ending a dysfunctional cycle and help intervene.
So why don't I share good things? Oh I do, it's just right now the amount of bad things are more plentiful.
I was left wondering what is so taboo about sharing your life after I stopped laughing at the silly bickering left in the comments.
Why is it not okay to share? I know some will say you need to keep your problems to yourself, it's not our business. I must disagree.
Here's why. Not sharing is how critical mass was reached in my marriage. Now I am not looking for a meddling mother in law. But when people keep their worries and joys to themselves they ultimately suffer and do does the community at large.
See there is someone out there that is going to read these blog post and see their own marriage. They might recognize that they need to seek help before they need assistance from the police or find themselves in divorce court. Even more important a friend or family member may realize that your family needs help ending a dysfunctional cycle and help intervene.
So why don't I share good things? Oh I do, it's just right now the amount of bad things are more plentiful.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
So how
Do you convince a new boss that they are that tiny push over the edge and that it can be changed? Don't know. I didn't succeed, so instead I will have to figure out how to change so that is not the thing that pushes me over the edge.
Not sure how one explains something that is all in your head to someone who doesn't have it all in their head.... Huh. So, new job looks like it is a perfect fit, and I still believe it really is the perfect job. It is the job I was intended to do, I know, God has been giving me clues for years, but now I am stuck in the mire of generalized anxiety disorder and an obvious dip back into the deep end of the depression pool. Its hard to explain what you feel when just breathing seems like an overwhelming challenge when the person you want to understand seem just so perfectly capable of handling things the world has dealt. It does not seem like my boss is the one covered in monkey pooh. Somehow his monkey is obedient or just has really bad aim.
So I work on my plan. If you don't have a focus problem creating a plan on the go, that deals with long term forecasting and goal setting is probably something you can handle between phone calls, dirty diapers, parent teacher conferences, and urgent family needs. But if you have that problem of controlling Your Elephant-read that in a book called Switch, I highly recommend people in charge of others read that, maybe you need to decided what you want the elephant to do before you get on. So that leads me to a really long drawn out business plan, with numbers, and statements about what strengths I have; at a time when I feel like I have none. Statements about what the future could look like with a bit of effort, you know the stuff that requires you to get off the couch, maybe answer the phone, check some emails and go out and meet some new people. Mostly it requires me to know what I want, know what that looks like and know how I will know I have achieved that. All a tall order, but I believe critical for me to actually do what my boss desires, a smiling productive agent that is not as stressed out as I am right now.
So, I guess this was my break. I should get back to the process of saying what I want, so I can figure out how to get it and declare when I have succeeded.
Not sure how one explains something that is all in your head to someone who doesn't have it all in their head.... Huh. So, new job looks like it is a perfect fit, and I still believe it really is the perfect job. It is the job I was intended to do, I know, God has been giving me clues for years, but now I am stuck in the mire of generalized anxiety disorder and an obvious dip back into the deep end of the depression pool. Its hard to explain what you feel when just breathing seems like an overwhelming challenge when the person you want to understand seem just so perfectly capable of handling things the world has dealt. It does not seem like my boss is the one covered in monkey pooh. Somehow his monkey is obedient or just has really bad aim.
So I work on my plan. If you don't have a focus problem creating a plan on the go, that deals with long term forecasting and goal setting is probably something you can handle between phone calls, dirty diapers, parent teacher conferences, and urgent family needs. But if you have that problem of controlling Your Elephant-read that in a book called Switch, I highly recommend people in charge of others read that, maybe you need to decided what you want the elephant to do before you get on. So that leads me to a really long drawn out business plan, with numbers, and statements about what strengths I have; at a time when I feel like I have none. Statements about what the future could look like with a bit of effort, you know the stuff that requires you to get off the couch, maybe answer the phone, check some emails and go out and meet some new people. Mostly it requires me to know what I want, know what that looks like and know how I will know I have achieved that. All a tall order, but I believe critical for me to actually do what my boss desires, a smiling productive agent that is not as stressed out as I am right now.
So, I guess this was my break. I should get back to the process of saying what I want, so I can figure out how to get it and declare when I have succeeded.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Ahhhhhh!
hello bereft....
would love to contact you and chat a bit on the difficulties of love and all the really important life stuff.
actually been thinking about it awhile, but an old devil called generalized anxiety has been plaguing me of late.
I noticed that your not listed as a follower or was it registered user..? Anyway I can't contact you because of one of those reasons.
Everyone else;
Yeah I haven't been keeping this up very well lately. Yes, I started a new job. I really like the job. As I was telling bereft, this old devil I used to know has possessed me. Things are difficult enough in general, even with out ADHD, but that whole anxiety thing is quite paralyzing. Actually, looked at all the drugs underneath my sink and couldn't decide which one to try again, or if I should just take some benadryl, or call my family doc, or the clinic that provides the ADHD medication, which then lead me to wonder why I had an extra bottle of Adderall ER and Adderall under there. Have I been missing the doses that often? Did I somehow get my script filled twice? What the hell? Why was I freaking out 2 months ago because I was running out? Was it always there? I know I miss it a couple of times a month, but I take it with the birth control and the little blister pack shows only a few missed ones!?
So then their is trying to explain what an anxiety disorder is to new people, new people I work with, who instead of being helpful actually became so overwhelming that looking at emails, the ringing cell phone, that beeping text message, just made me hide; not want to hide, actually hide. How do you explain it when their is no logic? And then you go and screw other things up like a friendship, because your trying to express how envious you are of their situation, which they think just sucks, and make them all mad. Dude, don't think she liked me very much or even accepted that I tried to apologize, or understood I wasn't being mean, just trying to say how very lucky she really was, because if she had experienced what I had she wouldn't think I was being condescending, or whatever she thought. Gees, this sucks. How do you explain that to people? How do you apologize for something that you don't actually have control over? How do you explain that even if you could take a pill to make it all go away, you would need to wait until the next available appointment at the clinic--which is a very long, long, time from now. Sure, you can try and tell me just say your sorry, but reality is ADHD makes things difficult for co-workers and anxiety just makes you seem like a non-caring ass-hole because you can't answer the phone. Never mind, that you haven't slept or eaten anything of substance for weeks, and just now figured that out, or that you literally threw up when they called and you ignored the quacking ring that was just too cute a few weeks ago. Yes, I already know I just can't do anything right. I get it. My marriage sucks, I can't manage working, I can't manage housework, I can't afford to feed the family now that food stamps were taken away. That was something I wanted, I wanted to stand on my own two feed and be rid of the State Welfare system. Yeah, but now I am freaking out! How do you feed a family, when you don't actually have a steady paycheck, you owe possibly thousands to a babysitter, but are so stressed by just knowing you owe money that you can't add it up to find out how bad it really is?!! You say yeah just take a Valium and sleep on it. I so would if I had them or the courage to just take a little magic pill. Oh, and I read a book, one given to me by Parent Partners, who help people manage the social worker and education system so that things they need are taken care of, like an IEP for a kid, or speech therapy. The book was the Jenny McCarthy book, Louder than Words, which really made me feel even more guilty about what I missed along the way, things that you know would have or should have made me say hey this is what is wrong and why I think my kid needs some help before its too late! Yeah, I felt very guilty, angry, though I eagerly read the whole book in a few hours. I didn't feel joy, I picked up on all the bad things parents with children who aren't quite normal go through, like the avoiding friends-until they aren't friends anymore, not going to play groups, being terrified of regular preschool because you know kids are not politically correct, their blunt, they just come out and say it. Oh, I don't know if this helps anyone understand what a paralyzing thing anxiety can become in your life. And you don't know how bad it is until you are negatively impacting everyone around you.
would love to contact you and chat a bit on the difficulties of love and all the really important life stuff.
actually been thinking about it awhile, but an old devil called generalized anxiety has been plaguing me of late.
I noticed that your not listed as a follower or was it registered user..? Anyway I can't contact you because of one of those reasons.
Everyone else;
Yeah I haven't been keeping this up very well lately. Yes, I started a new job. I really like the job. As I was telling bereft, this old devil I used to know has possessed me. Things are difficult enough in general, even with out ADHD, but that whole anxiety thing is quite paralyzing. Actually, looked at all the drugs underneath my sink and couldn't decide which one to try again, or if I should just take some benadryl, or call my family doc, or the clinic that provides the ADHD medication, which then lead me to wonder why I had an extra bottle of Adderall ER and Adderall under there. Have I been missing the doses that often? Did I somehow get my script filled twice? What the hell? Why was I freaking out 2 months ago because I was running out? Was it always there? I know I miss it a couple of times a month, but I take it with the birth control and the little blister pack shows only a few missed ones!?
So then their is trying to explain what an anxiety disorder is to new people, new people I work with, who instead of being helpful actually became so overwhelming that looking at emails, the ringing cell phone, that beeping text message, just made me hide; not want to hide, actually hide. How do you explain it when their is no logic? And then you go and screw other things up like a friendship, because your trying to express how envious you are of their situation, which they think just sucks, and make them all mad. Dude, don't think she liked me very much or even accepted that I tried to apologize, or understood I wasn't being mean, just trying to say how very lucky she really was, because if she had experienced what I had she wouldn't think I was being condescending, or whatever she thought. Gees, this sucks. How do you explain that to people? How do you apologize for something that you don't actually have control over? How do you explain that even if you could take a pill to make it all go away, you would need to wait until the next available appointment at the clinic--which is a very long, long, time from now. Sure, you can try and tell me just say your sorry, but reality is ADHD makes things difficult for co-workers and anxiety just makes you seem like a non-caring ass-hole because you can't answer the phone. Never mind, that you haven't slept or eaten anything of substance for weeks, and just now figured that out, or that you literally threw up when they called and you ignored the quacking ring that was just too cute a few weeks ago. Yes, I already know I just can't do anything right. I get it. My marriage sucks, I can't manage working, I can't manage housework, I can't afford to feed the family now that food stamps were taken away. That was something I wanted, I wanted to stand on my own two feed and be rid of the State Welfare system. Yeah, but now I am freaking out! How do you feed a family, when you don't actually have a steady paycheck, you owe possibly thousands to a babysitter, but are so stressed by just knowing you owe money that you can't add it up to find out how bad it really is?!! You say yeah just take a Valium and sleep on it. I so would if I had them or the courage to just take a little magic pill. Oh, and I read a book, one given to me by Parent Partners, who help people manage the social worker and education system so that things they need are taken care of, like an IEP for a kid, or speech therapy. The book was the Jenny McCarthy book, Louder than Words, which really made me feel even more guilty about what I missed along the way, things that you know would have or should have made me say hey this is what is wrong and why I think my kid needs some help before its too late! Yeah, I felt very guilty, angry, though I eagerly read the whole book in a few hours. I didn't feel joy, I picked up on all the bad things parents with children who aren't quite normal go through, like the avoiding friends-until they aren't friends anymore, not going to play groups, being terrified of regular preschool because you know kids are not politically correct, their blunt, they just come out and say it. Oh, I don't know if this helps anyone understand what a paralyzing thing anxiety can become in your life. And you don't know how bad it is until you are negatively impacting everyone around you.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Dog Days of Summer
Well, duh it's hot here. It is a tad too sticky to sleep well and the air conditioner refuses to turn off. The kids are grumpy, and eating everything in sight. The dogs refuse to go for a walk and the cost of food seems to be higher this summer than last.
For some reason I am out of shorts and had to wear jeans this morning. I was supposed to do a lot of things this weekend and last weekend but failed for many different excuses. Mostly it is time to buy, buy, buy for back to school; and since I lack the cash to buy it myself I must do it on my Mother's schedule and with her money. Sucks. Not that I have ample time during the week due to learning a new job.
So the new schedule my family is learning is challenging. I went back to work, my husband went back to college and kept a full time job, my kids are on summer vacation and my mother's friend has been kind enough to babysit my kids for nothing. I was going to say nearly nothing by to be honest I did not pay her last week and did not pay this week and there is little hope of being able to pay her next week too. Sigh.
So now I need to focus on building my business practice and I am quite shy. You may not think so, but reaching out and offering help, let alone asking for it is a huge road block for me right now. I am self conscience and overly worried about everything. I need to ask for help but don't know how...
I also don't know how to stop talking or keep to a schedule very well.
Anyway. The house looks slightly better than last week. It smells better too. Unfortunately the building here is going to be painted and the windows have this apocalyptic plastic covering them. Every window in my home has been covered since Tuesday and they still haven't painted the building. I am not sure what they are waiting for. The plastic reminds me of the time people over reacted to the threat of biological terrorist attacks. I have a picture..... Somewhere. Anyway it is making me crazy, I feel so tense. I don't like it. Resisting the urge to rip it from the building! I want to see the sun. Maybe that is why the kids are so disgruntled this week?
About to tear it down. I also don't like having all the things that belong outside, inside. The kids bikes are all over the house and they keep trying to ride them in the house. They are all covered in pine needles, spider webs and dust from last weeks dust storm. Disgusting!
Someone please help me. I don't know what I should do next.
Fun and exciting! I finally got an invite to Google+ that works. I set that up this morning instead of doing things I had intended on. It took awhile. It is now up and I am happy to have it. Something about being a techno geek and needing to be and early adopter of things. ooh look a kitty thing, sift and toss, if I had a kitty I would buy it. So if you want an invite let me know, I think everyone should be invited to something so cool. I like using it on my phone, ipad, mac book and I am sure I will like using it on my husbands boring pc.
For some reason I am out of shorts and had to wear jeans this morning. I was supposed to do a lot of things this weekend and last weekend but failed for many different excuses. Mostly it is time to buy, buy, buy for back to school; and since I lack the cash to buy it myself I must do it on my Mother's schedule and with her money. Sucks. Not that I have ample time during the week due to learning a new job.
So the new schedule my family is learning is challenging. I went back to work, my husband went back to college and kept a full time job, my kids are on summer vacation and my mother's friend has been kind enough to babysit my kids for nothing. I was going to say nearly nothing by to be honest I did not pay her last week and did not pay this week and there is little hope of being able to pay her next week too. Sigh.
So now I need to focus on building my business practice and I am quite shy. You may not think so, but reaching out and offering help, let alone asking for it is a huge road block for me right now. I am self conscience and overly worried about everything. I need to ask for help but don't know how...
I also don't know how to stop talking or keep to a schedule very well.
Anyway. The house looks slightly better than last week. It smells better too. Unfortunately the building here is going to be painted and the windows have this apocalyptic plastic covering them. Every window in my home has been covered since Tuesday and they still haven't painted the building. I am not sure what they are waiting for. The plastic reminds me of the time people over reacted to the threat of biological terrorist attacks. I have a picture..... Somewhere. Anyway it is making me crazy, I feel so tense. I don't like it. Resisting the urge to rip it from the building! I want to see the sun. Maybe that is why the kids are so disgruntled this week?
About to tear it down. I also don't like having all the things that belong outside, inside. The kids bikes are all over the house and they keep trying to ride them in the house. They are all covered in pine needles, spider webs and dust from last weeks dust storm. Disgusting!
Someone please help me. I don't know what I should do next.
Fun and exciting! I finally got an invite to Google+ that works. I set that up this morning instead of doing things I had intended on. It took awhile. It is now up and I am happy to have it. Something about being a techno geek and needing to be and early adopter of things. ooh look a kitty thing, sift and toss, if I had a kitty I would buy it. So if you want an invite let me know, I think everyone should be invited to something so cool. I like using it on my phone, ipad, mac book and I am sure I will like using it on my husbands boring pc.
Friday, June 24, 2011
conundrum
first I should say I ate some bad ravioli this morning and threw it up. Gross. I called Chef Boyardee and told them I thought that it made me sick. They apologized.
I found a job yesterday. Not the traditional here is your paycheck type of job. Insurance sales. Actually sounds a lot like my dream job. Don't stay in the office, get to go out and see customers, potential to make lots of cash. Advancement opportunity. the option to grow into additional products to increase money earned. Flexible hours. But the rest is all hard work. You must rely on yourself, there is no guaranteed paycheck from the company, just commissions for business closed.
This morning I received a call back from quicken loans, but I was too sick to answer the call. It sounded potentially good. Possibility that I may weigh two jobs and have a choice about how much risk I want to take to earn some income for my household.
Also kinda stressed, as this is the last week my husband will have a paycheck. So what little money we have left in our savings account will go to pay rent and buy some gas for the car. What will we do when it runs out? No idea. My Mom is out of town as of today so if we need serious amounts of cash to keep the gas tank full or the car dies, I haven't a clue as to how we will fill that need. Scary.
So do I study for the license I need to sell insurance or do I wait for Pamela Smith from Quicken Loans to call me back again. We all know how much fun phone tag is, so maybe I will send her a quick email. Perhaps she is busy, and maybe she has good news that will create the conundrum all job seekers want: having to tell someone no, I took another offer.
I found a job yesterday. Not the traditional here is your paycheck type of job. Insurance sales. Actually sounds a lot like my dream job. Don't stay in the office, get to go out and see customers, potential to make lots of cash. Advancement opportunity. the option to grow into additional products to increase money earned. Flexible hours. But the rest is all hard work. You must rely on yourself, there is no guaranteed paycheck from the company, just commissions for business closed.
This morning I received a call back from quicken loans, but I was too sick to answer the call. It sounded potentially good. Possibility that I may weigh two jobs and have a choice about how much risk I want to take to earn some income for my household.
Also kinda stressed, as this is the last week my husband will have a paycheck. So what little money we have left in our savings account will go to pay rent and buy some gas for the car. What will we do when it runs out? No idea. My Mom is out of town as of today so if we need serious amounts of cash to keep the gas tank full or the car dies, I haven't a clue as to how we will fill that need. Scary.
So do I study for the license I need to sell insurance or do I wait for Pamela Smith from Quicken Loans to call me back again. We all know how much fun phone tag is, so maybe I will send her a quick email. Perhaps she is busy, and maybe she has good news that will create the conundrum all job seekers want: having to tell someone no, I took another offer.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Dark Circles
Tired? Bored? What is the difference? Both lead to slacking off and then that overwhelming need to rush due to procrastination.
Still looking for a job. Bored took career test on Careerbuilder.com Told me the obvious: "You're a CREATOR" Of course I am! It also says I am an "Organizer". Well duh, anyone that buys an App so they can take inventory of their kitchen and household cleaning things must be an Organizer. Really! You read that right, I have an anal retentive app that allows me to track the cans of Red Beans in my pantry.
That is the best I could get! Info I already know. I know I have taken jobs that are not in my strengths. I know I need a job that allows me to be impulsive, tact-less, intuitive and emotional. Yes I need a job that allows me to do something that has precision and planning. I am good at it. That is what makes me so great at sales. I am candid, rational and irrational at the same time. I sell people things based on the emotional need, that is probably why I was such a good counselor at UOP, I could relate, (they call that empathy, and yeah I got that). And I understand organization, AKA commissions structures, data entry that gets me more and I seem to be accurate with customer orders and a stickler for rules and regulations- (yes, I know that is a contradiction to impulsiveness, but I promise you can be a contradiction and still be fun to work with).
So, the desperate search continues... I submitted an Ad on Facebook and Google Adsense to help get me Hired. Yeah, I have no money, but no one said you couldn't risk it all to get dollar bills.
So tired, yet I danced and sung out loud. I embarrassed my kids, and I was in my own home. Felt good.
Still looking for a job. Bored took career test on Careerbuilder.com Told me the obvious: "You're a CREATOR" Of course I am! It also says I am an "Organizer". Well duh, anyone that buys an App so they can take inventory of their kitchen and household cleaning things must be an Organizer. Really! You read that right, I have an anal retentive app that allows me to track the cans of Red Beans in my pantry.
That is the best I could get! Info I already know. I know I have taken jobs that are not in my strengths. I know I need a job that allows me to be impulsive, tact-less, intuitive and emotional. Yes I need a job that allows me to do something that has precision and planning. I am good at it. That is what makes me so great at sales. I am candid, rational and irrational at the same time. I sell people things based on the emotional need, that is probably why I was such a good counselor at UOP, I could relate, (they call that empathy, and yeah I got that). And I understand organization, AKA commissions structures, data entry that gets me more and I seem to be accurate with customer orders and a stickler for rules and regulations- (yes, I know that is a contradiction to impulsiveness, but I promise you can be a contradiction and still be fun to work with).
So, the desperate search continues... I submitted an Ad on Facebook and Google Adsense to help get me Hired. Yeah, I have no money, but no one said you couldn't risk it all to get dollar bills.
So tired, yet I danced and sung out loud. I embarrassed my kids, and I was in my own home. Felt good.
Monday, June 13, 2011
I am so bored. I am so bored. Searching for a job is so boring. Okay, I don;t think I am frustrated yet. I think I am having better luck at finding interesting job assignments and getting my resume looked at then most,especiallynif you listen to the news.
Anyway, Thanks CareerBuilder.com I really do like seeing the number of times my resume has been clicked on (10), and sent to a list for a recruiter to search through (93). I also really like careerbuilder keeping track of the number of positions I have applied to (10). Good News is I am really picky. So I haven't applied to that many jobs. I want jobs that are challenging and interesting.
Seriously the recruiters that write these job descriptions need a reality check! Yawn, if you need to take a nap read the want ads. Recruiters should take a creative writing class. How boring! Obviously every job in the world deals with customers. No I don't mean actually calling them or sitting face to face with new ones. I mean every employee has a customer. Sometimes it is your boss that is Your customer, and sometimes it is the accountant/bookkeeper that you give everything too as a data entry clerk. Really everyone has someone else that they need to please and that person is always right. And I really don't need a list of software programs I will use everyday, or the fact that I should have the ability to work with a browser. Really? That is what I hiring manager wants? Cause I haven been messing with browsers since I was like ten.
I am certain that the hiring manager doesn't want me to tell them I know how to use a web browser. I mean I just submitted my resume through careerbuilder.com, a website, I really think the recruiter is smarter than a 6 year old. So duh! Of course I know how to click and type a mouse. Get real. Tell me what you really want! If you want someone who will take a risk, or speak in front of a crowd, say so. Don't give me another boring list of SKILLS that have nothing to do with actually preforming the job of selling your company and product. Realistically, if I can find your job listing on-line, I am already capable of learning new things because the web changes instantly and so do I.
The frustrating part is feeling like you are reading the same job listing over and over. You would think with all the articles about how recruiters don't like reading the same resume would lead to creative job listings detailing what they want. Recruiters should take their own advice and write a job ad that says what they want, just like they want job hunters too. I seriously want to read an AD and say, Yes, that is the company I want to work for. I can already see they have personality and carisma that is a good fit for me.
Fantasy Job AD:
Wanted: Individual with personality, conformist not need apply. We need a person to stand up in front of our clients, looking great, and speaking fluidly about our product/service. We need a person who will not lie, believes in honest and integrity. We want a person of faith or science, that is willing to search out the truth where ever it is. We desire a person who likes to learn, reads interesting books and studies new things, just because it is interesting. We want a person who has a life, and actively participates in the community in any organization, (political and religious okay). We offer a great salary, enough to support a family and enjoy your vacation, health care, dental, life insurance and 401k with employer match after 1 year. We would really like it if you find Dilbert funny and don't judge others by the porn they watch, or the drugs they smoke, or their weird tattoo. Open-minded, fun, eccentric, honest and faithful person sought.
Anyway, Thanks CareerBuilder.com I really do like seeing the number of times my resume has been clicked on (10), and sent to a list for a recruiter to search through (93). I also really like careerbuilder keeping track of the number of positions I have applied to (10). Good News is I am really picky. So I haven't applied to that many jobs. I want jobs that are challenging and interesting.
Seriously the recruiters that write these job descriptions need a reality check! Yawn, if you need to take a nap read the want ads. Recruiters should take a creative writing class. How boring! Obviously every job in the world deals with customers. No I don't mean actually calling them or sitting face to face with new ones. I mean every employee has a customer. Sometimes it is your boss that is Your customer, and sometimes it is the accountant/bookkeeper that you give everything too as a data entry clerk. Really everyone has someone else that they need to please and that person is always right. And I really don't need a list of software programs I will use everyday, or the fact that I should have the ability to work with a browser. Really? That is what I hiring manager wants? Cause I haven been messing with browsers since I was like ten.
I am certain that the hiring manager doesn't want me to tell them I know how to use a web browser. I mean I just submitted my resume through careerbuilder.com, a website, I really think the recruiter is smarter than a 6 year old. So duh! Of course I know how to click and type a mouse. Get real. Tell me what you really want! If you want someone who will take a risk, or speak in front of a crowd, say so. Don't give me another boring list of SKILLS that have nothing to do with actually preforming the job of selling your company and product. Realistically, if I can find your job listing on-line, I am already capable of learning new things because the web changes instantly and so do I.
The frustrating part is feeling like you are reading the same job listing over and over. You would think with all the articles about how recruiters don't like reading the same resume would lead to creative job listings detailing what they want. Recruiters should take their own advice and write a job ad that says what they want, just like they want job hunters too. I seriously want to read an AD and say, Yes, that is the company I want to work for. I can already see they have personality and carisma that is a good fit for me.
Fantasy Job AD:
Wanted: Individual with personality, conformist not need apply. We need a person to stand up in front of our clients, looking great, and speaking fluidly about our product/service. We need a person who will not lie, believes in honest and integrity. We want a person of faith or science, that is willing to search out the truth where ever it is. We desire a person who likes to learn, reads interesting books and studies new things, just because it is interesting. We want a person who has a life, and actively participates in the community in any organization, (political and religious okay). We offer a great salary, enough to support a family and enjoy your vacation, health care, dental, life insurance and 401k with employer match after 1 year. We would really like it if you find Dilbert funny and don't judge others by the porn they watch, or the drugs they smoke, or their weird tattoo. Open-minded, fun, eccentric, honest and faithful person sought.
forgot what I wanted to say.
So I have been incredibly busy. Believe it or not looking for the right job is exhausting. I find myself not being very articulate lately. I know what I want... or think I do, but find myself having a difficult time saying it in a politically correct and appropriate fashion. I blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind. Yes, I get giggles, snickers, interviews trying really hard not to laugh, and good conversations with hiring managers.
That is probably a weakness I should work on. Impulsive speech, a problem or a strength? Ummm. I think it depends on what is coming out of your mouth and how accepting your audience is. Should I change how I am and how does one go about stopping obscure and possibly obsence things.
On the plus side of being impulsive, is the shear thrill from the challenge of new things. That is probably why I am searching for sales jobs. I admit it, not just sales jobs, but really well paying jobs, things that are listing potential incomes of 60K to 100K. Sure, I have never made that money. But to be honest I have always been trying to do the responsible thing and make sure there was a steady paycheck, or at least since I have had my first kid. I think that is a problem. I remember back before I had kids, I had jobs that had no paycheck. Yet I made really great money. That I promptly spent on ridiculous non-responsible adult things like clothes, really pretty shoes, taking 5 friends to the movies and paying for it plus dinner and drinks later. Yeah, I am not sure why I have been so risk adverse for the last 8 years. It must be time to stop.
Anyway so I forget to say the really good strong thing that will set me apart as a candidate, but I promise I will stop stumbling over really dumb things, and perhaps stop drinking the tall mocha frappachinno before the interview.
That is probably a weakness I should work on. Impulsive speech, a problem or a strength? Ummm. I think it depends on what is coming out of your mouth and how accepting your audience is. Should I change how I am and how does one go about stopping obscure and possibly obsence things.
On the plus side of being impulsive, is the shear thrill from the challenge of new things. That is probably why I am searching for sales jobs. I admit it, not just sales jobs, but really well paying jobs, things that are listing potential incomes of 60K to 100K. Sure, I have never made that money. But to be honest I have always been trying to do the responsible thing and make sure there was a steady paycheck, or at least since I have had my first kid. I think that is a problem. I remember back before I had kids, I had jobs that had no paycheck. Yet I made really great money. That I promptly spent on ridiculous non-responsible adult things like clothes, really pretty shoes, taking 5 friends to the movies and paying for it plus dinner and drinks later. Yeah, I am not sure why I have been so risk adverse for the last 8 years. It must be time to stop.
Anyway so I forget to say the really good strong thing that will set me apart as a candidate, but I promise I will stop stumbling over really dumb things, and perhaps stop drinking the tall mocha frappachinno before the interview.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
She said what?!!!
I really thought that was some myth. I mean a social worker would not suggest such a thing, ever! It goes against some code of conduct right?!
So I visited a Social Worker today. She was nice, very rushed and obviously overworked. She also is underpaid according to what she claims to make per month. She tried to help. I think she is sincere. She did not have any suggestions on what resources one can use in my situation, so she called on a colleague that said something that is just pain WTF! After listening to the predicament I face about being on State Assistance and my problem with how I must find a Full Time Job with benefits that pays well enough to make up the deficit I will face and pay for child care she said I should tell DES that my husband and I split up.
Now don't get me wrong, there are days when he is grumpy and I am grumpy and that sounds like a great idea. The reality is even though I don't agree with him, and I often wish he did more, made more, participated more or what have you; I can't actually tell you what more of any it he could realistically do that would somehow make life so much less stressful and make all of us that much happier. I don't know what it is that could change it. No I am not stuck in some bad relationship, I am in a real world adult relationship, and the part that matters is just dandy with me. I don't think the part that matters can somehow be so much better, if I did then I suppose that crazy suggestion might make sense.
What the social worker thought telling DES we split would do is: first we would continue to get food stamps and health care when he went to school full time, we would then be eligible for cash assistance to pay for necessities like electricity, we would become eligible for section 8 housing assistance-though she said the wait was really long, we would also become eligible for child care subsidy so I could go to school or work or both, and that I would then possibly be eligible for some single mom to work programs. While many of these things sound great and I really would like to receive child care assistance so I could work and he can go to school, lying...
Really? That is the best option in here opinion. And I am not sure why either. Doing that does not actually improve our situation. In fact it just prolongs how long we stay in abject poverty and dependent on tax payers. Though the system is not exactly set up to get you on your feet and into the black, either. FYI; doing what she suggested just means that the State would then try to pursue my husband for the cash assistance when he does find another job while he attends school or even after he graduated. So it really does prolong how long you stay poor.
I just wonder why their is not some sorta gap filler so you can actually get off the system permanently. I know that finding a job is a great idea; but if I can't afford to feed my family or pay for child care so I can work, that I will just end up falling right back into the system and instead of grudgingly accepting medical insurance for the good of my children, I will end up demanding so much more because we will literally be forced onto the streets to meet the requirements and still be a whole family. If I can't find a job that pays enough for us to eat, have shelter, have electricity for heating and cooling, cover children's daycare expenses, the cost of getting to work by car, the cost of insuring the car, cover medical expenses and maybe a little extra for some fun, we will end up broke, on the street (living in our car), needing immediate emergency family housing, emergency food assistance, emergency cash assistance and possibly forcing the state to pay Foster Care expenses so our children can be in a safe place and not sleeping in the car. All of that is much more expensive then helping us fill in a gap or finding a resource that can help us manage.
And all the neigh sayers will say things like find cheaper housing, get rid of the car, the car insurance, don't heat or cool your home, and leave my children in a dangerous environment because I can't afford to higher someone who can keep them safe while we are away. Right, Lets see them leave their child in a meth house so they can go to work, because it is all they can afford. Let me see them find SAFE, CLEAN, housing that is close to a school that is actually teaching children to succeed. Okay right, when I can find a Cheap, Safe, Clean home that has a school I can trust that also happens to be on a bus line, with everything in walking distance I will give up the car. Unfortunately, I have not found a place that exists. Nor have I found a job near that imaginary place. So until then I will need a car to get the kids to school, daycare and myself to work and my husband can take the bus to school. Not that him taking the city bus to school would make a significant dent in family finances since it would still cost about $50.00 a month for the pass and significantly increase the amount of time the children need to be in childcare, thus increasing that expense more than the savings in gas and insurance. Maybe if the car he had needed a major overhaul....but it doesn't so, financially it doesn't add up to get rid of his vehicle as it doesn't save time or money.
That is what this all comes down to. Time. And Money. It takes time for a family to land safely on its feet after suffering a few financial set backs. And it takes money to afford the things that keep them from falling back again.
So the nice social worker felt awful because she could not provide any assistance that would help us up and out of the conundrum we face, and she was right to feel that way. I feel that way. What am I supposed to do? How can we as a family stay together? How can we stay afloat until we have finished our educations that barely hold any promise of a better paying job? I don't have an answer. I just know I will find a job, I will find health care benefits and I will find child care, I just don't know if I can afford going to work for less than 35K. Could you feed and shelter a family of 5 for that? Could you do it for less and still have the safe feeling in your belly when you leave for work each day?
If you have ideas on how to manage this problem, please share. Not only could it help me, and I am asking for it, it could help others that read this some day. :)
So I visited a Social Worker today. She was nice, very rushed and obviously overworked. She also is underpaid according to what she claims to make per month. She tried to help. I think she is sincere. She did not have any suggestions on what resources one can use in my situation, so she called on a colleague that said something that is just pain WTF! After listening to the predicament I face about being on State Assistance and my problem with how I must find a Full Time Job with benefits that pays well enough to make up the deficit I will face and pay for child care she said I should tell DES that my husband and I split up.
Now don't get me wrong, there are days when he is grumpy and I am grumpy and that sounds like a great idea. The reality is even though I don't agree with him, and I often wish he did more, made more, participated more or what have you; I can't actually tell you what more of any it he could realistically do that would somehow make life so much less stressful and make all of us that much happier. I don't know what it is that could change it. No I am not stuck in some bad relationship, I am in a real world adult relationship, and the part that matters is just dandy with me. I don't think the part that matters can somehow be so much better, if I did then I suppose that crazy suggestion might make sense.
What the social worker thought telling DES we split would do is: first we would continue to get food stamps and health care when he went to school full time, we would then be eligible for cash assistance to pay for necessities like electricity, we would become eligible for section 8 housing assistance-though she said the wait was really long, we would also become eligible for child care subsidy so I could go to school or work or both, and that I would then possibly be eligible for some single mom to work programs. While many of these things sound great and I really would like to receive child care assistance so I could work and he can go to school, lying...
Really? That is the best option in here opinion. And I am not sure why either. Doing that does not actually improve our situation. In fact it just prolongs how long we stay in abject poverty and dependent on tax payers. Though the system is not exactly set up to get you on your feet and into the black, either. FYI; doing what she suggested just means that the State would then try to pursue my husband for the cash assistance when he does find another job while he attends school or even after he graduated. So it really does prolong how long you stay poor.
I just wonder why their is not some sorta gap filler so you can actually get off the system permanently. I know that finding a job is a great idea; but if I can't afford to feed my family or pay for child care so I can work, that I will just end up falling right back into the system and instead of grudgingly accepting medical insurance for the good of my children, I will end up demanding so much more because we will literally be forced onto the streets to meet the requirements and still be a whole family. If I can't find a job that pays enough for us to eat, have shelter, have electricity for heating and cooling, cover children's daycare expenses, the cost of getting to work by car, the cost of insuring the car, cover medical expenses and maybe a little extra for some fun, we will end up broke, on the street (living in our car), needing immediate emergency family housing, emergency food assistance, emergency cash assistance and possibly forcing the state to pay Foster Care expenses so our children can be in a safe place and not sleeping in the car. All of that is much more expensive then helping us fill in a gap or finding a resource that can help us manage.
And all the neigh sayers will say things like find cheaper housing, get rid of the car, the car insurance, don't heat or cool your home, and leave my children in a dangerous environment because I can't afford to higher someone who can keep them safe while we are away. Right, Lets see them leave their child in a meth house so they can go to work, because it is all they can afford. Let me see them find SAFE, CLEAN, housing that is close to a school that is actually teaching children to succeed. Okay right, when I can find a Cheap, Safe, Clean home that has a school I can trust that also happens to be on a bus line, with everything in walking distance I will give up the car. Unfortunately, I have not found a place that exists. Nor have I found a job near that imaginary place. So until then I will need a car to get the kids to school, daycare and myself to work and my husband can take the bus to school. Not that him taking the city bus to school would make a significant dent in family finances since it would still cost about $50.00 a month for the pass and significantly increase the amount of time the children need to be in childcare, thus increasing that expense more than the savings in gas and insurance. Maybe if the car he had needed a major overhaul....but it doesn't so, financially it doesn't add up to get rid of his vehicle as it doesn't save time or money.
That is what this all comes down to. Time. And Money. It takes time for a family to land safely on its feet after suffering a few financial set backs. And it takes money to afford the things that keep them from falling back again.
So the nice social worker felt awful because she could not provide any assistance that would help us up and out of the conundrum we face, and she was right to feel that way. I feel that way. What am I supposed to do? How can we as a family stay together? How can we stay afloat until we have finished our educations that barely hold any promise of a better paying job? I don't have an answer. I just know I will find a job, I will find health care benefits and I will find child care, I just don't know if I can afford going to work for less than 35K. Could you feed and shelter a family of 5 for that? Could you do it for less and still have the safe feeling in your belly when you leave for work each day?
If you have ideas on how to manage this problem, please share. Not only could it help me, and I am asking for it, it could help others that read this some day. :)
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Well Duh!
News of the Duh. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42787858/
I must say that I already knew this, trying to convince a doctor something is wrong at age One is just simply impossible, ask my Aunt! Doctors seem to think that disorders like Autism is something that occurs after age 3, but it is not. I know not because my Aunt told me she just knew Baby Gaby was different, but because I saw it when I ran a Home Based Daycare center.
Children with Autism or other disorders like ADHD show up early, very early, like a few weeks or months old. My child Nicky showed signs that he was different at about 2 weeks. While I wait for a formal diagnosis, and I have been waiting for over a year, getting help while poor is very, very difficult. I am certain that Nicky is ADHD. He was colic as a early as a week, you could not get him to take a nap unless he was in your arms, if by chance you got him down to his crib while asleep, hope that the door didn't creak! The child literally drove us all nuts. By the time he was 6 months old he decided that breastfeeding was not fast enough-just a bit impulsive at that point too! He switched early to bottles and bit big wholes in the nipples, I have never had to replace so many bottle nipples! He was always needing to change things, he didn't have enough toys and we did not have enough safety things. By Nine months he was trying to put things in electrical sockets and throwing things at the mirrored wall. We took the mirrored wall down as a safety precaution because we feared he would pound the mirror to the point of it breaking! He could not be still for diaper changes, his older brother was often needed to sit on him so he could be changed!
Anyway it was obvious he was impulsive, by the time he was 18 months old I was certain that he would loose his virginity first. Nicky is going to be trouble, but my biggest concern is that if I do nothing, like the school district wants to until he is in the second grade he will find himself needing to change baby diapers before he graduates. So I say, Duh parents know something is off early! The signs are there.
And as a child care provider of other peoples kids, you can tell when something is different. It gets really easy to see that something is off if there is more then 2 kids the same age. As that happened when I ran a home based child care, and his behavior or lack of it was just a red haring! I told his parents that he seemed different then the other children and that I was concerned, but was ignored. He is nearly 5 now and is severely autistic, something I knew when he was about 15 months old. And yes his parents, an RN and School Teacher, were very offended and pulled him from my care, but years later apologized for doing so. They regretted not seeking treatment earlier too.
I must say that I already knew this, trying to convince a doctor something is wrong at age One is just simply impossible, ask my Aunt! Doctors seem to think that disorders like Autism is something that occurs after age 3, but it is not. I know not because my Aunt told me she just knew Baby Gaby was different, but because I saw it when I ran a Home Based Daycare center.
Children with Autism or other disorders like ADHD show up early, very early, like a few weeks or months old. My child Nicky showed signs that he was different at about 2 weeks. While I wait for a formal diagnosis, and I have been waiting for over a year, getting help while poor is very, very difficult. I am certain that Nicky is ADHD. He was colic as a early as a week, you could not get him to take a nap unless he was in your arms, if by chance you got him down to his crib while asleep, hope that the door didn't creak! The child literally drove us all nuts. By the time he was 6 months old he decided that breastfeeding was not fast enough-just a bit impulsive at that point too! He switched early to bottles and bit big wholes in the nipples, I have never had to replace so many bottle nipples! He was always needing to change things, he didn't have enough toys and we did not have enough safety things. By Nine months he was trying to put things in electrical sockets and throwing things at the mirrored wall. We took the mirrored wall down as a safety precaution because we feared he would pound the mirror to the point of it breaking! He could not be still for diaper changes, his older brother was often needed to sit on him so he could be changed!
Anyway it was obvious he was impulsive, by the time he was 18 months old I was certain that he would loose his virginity first. Nicky is going to be trouble, but my biggest concern is that if I do nothing, like the school district wants to until he is in the second grade he will find himself needing to change baby diapers before he graduates. So I say, Duh parents know something is off early! The signs are there.
And as a child care provider of other peoples kids, you can tell when something is different. It gets really easy to see that something is off if there is more then 2 kids the same age. As that happened when I ran a home based child care, and his behavior or lack of it was just a red haring! I told his parents that he seemed different then the other children and that I was concerned, but was ignored. He is nearly 5 now and is severely autistic, something I knew when he was about 15 months old. And yes his parents, an RN and School Teacher, were very offended and pulled him from my care, but years later apologized for doing so. They regretted not seeking treatment earlier too.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
An end
So the world has literally ended. All the trouble of last week has, well resolved. I guess that is the simplest way to put it. It is not very nice to say it that way, a life ended, another will be changed forever, and others will simply need to learn to live again. Bad things last week resolved themselves badly. It hurts, makes you feel empty, hopeless and like life just is not fair.
Coping. So today everyone who's world changed must get out of bed, though it seems impossible to do so. Today cousins got dressed, fed kids, went to work, made plans to remember. Tommorow Aunts, and Uncles will do the same. And the next day sisters and brothers will rise and start the day missing one. A mother and father will take more days but will start again soon. That is all that can be done. Clean the kitchen, vacuum the floor, scrub the bathroom, then again tomorrow. Eat.
Most of the confusion about my own place in the world still exist. What can one do? What can you say when someone else doesn't think your entitled to your own pain? What can one do when you see your family treating each other badly though they were grown years ago? What can you do but watch the anger, feel frustration and know that everyone is simply exhausted? Can anyone relive the tension or help each other rest so that tomorrow is better?
On the death. Those who are asking why, I think there is an answer. I think we die when we have learned what we were here to learn. There is some lesson God wanted us to learn, and when we have the answer we get to go home. For some of us, we find the answer and learn the lesson early and we die young. For those of us unlucky souls, we live long lives, grow gray, some watch their own children go before them, for us left here on earth we haven't found the answer or learned the lessons of life God had in mind. So have faith, you can get home too, it just may take some more time. I say we ought to envy those who have died young for they were blessed and just maybe if you listen they can provide you clues to the road home.
Coping. So today everyone who's world changed must get out of bed, though it seems impossible to do so. Today cousins got dressed, fed kids, went to work, made plans to remember. Tommorow Aunts, and Uncles will do the same. And the next day sisters and brothers will rise and start the day missing one. A mother and father will take more days but will start again soon. That is all that can be done. Clean the kitchen, vacuum the floor, scrub the bathroom, then again tomorrow. Eat.
Most of the confusion about my own place in the world still exist. What can one do? What can you say when someone else doesn't think your entitled to your own pain? What can one do when you see your family treating each other badly though they were grown years ago? What can you do but watch the anger, feel frustration and know that everyone is simply exhausted? Can anyone relive the tension or help each other rest so that tomorrow is better?
On the death. Those who are asking why, I think there is an answer. I think we die when we have learned what we were here to learn. There is some lesson God wanted us to learn, and when we have the answer we get to go home. For some of us, we find the answer and learn the lesson early and we die young. For those of us unlucky souls, we live long lives, grow gray, some watch their own children go before them, for us left here on earth we haven't found the answer or learned the lessons of life God had in mind. So have faith, you can get home too, it just may take some more time. I say we ought to envy those who have died young for they were blessed and just maybe if you listen they can provide you clues to the road home.
Friday, March 18, 2011
high anxiety
I apologize for not updating this blog for the last couple of weeks. It has been rather busy around here. At least I have been more productive the last few weeks. I have the garden planted and remembered to water it. I have restocked the pantry and I am quite happy about that. I still think there is nothing to eat around here though, so I have spent too many meals in the drive thru.
I have not been calm in days. I am really nervous. There is so much happening, lots of things need to change. It seems that in order for my hubby to go back to school he will either need a new job or I will need to go to work myself. Both are scary. I don't know what to do.
I finally got my tax return. Glad and overwhelming. what do I do with the money? Everyone is out of iPad 2. The van still works, so we don't have an immediate need to get a new truck for hubby to work, but he might go to school so, it starts to get complicated. If we wait too long to get a new truck and he keeps working, he won't be able to work because the Van will need to be fixed, likely costly.
So I was productive the last couple of weeks, I got doctors appointments made and I arrived on time. I got my cough under control, though I still find it startling that it was an Acid Reflux problem. I had an appointment with a surgeon about my hernia and will have it fixed next week. Finally finished skimming a book about ADHD. THe surgery is kinda scary, not sure if it is scarier then me going to work or my husband finding a new job and going to school. I also got by 4 year old in to see a counselor after his parent teacher conference showed mixed results. It seems it is likely my ADHD is inherited and that my early trouble learning to read and just learn may be a problem he also has. Unfortunately the school tells me that they don't screen for ADHD and most learning disabilities will not be screened for until mid Kindergarten. That is just too long to wait for help.
My tummy has been bothering me. Gassy and constipated, or is it anxiety? Could be the combo. Been thinking about how to pay the kids allowance, but not really had a conversation with my hubby about what he wants or thinks about allowance. I hate making these decisions on my own. What are the rules on paying kids allowance? Should I pay him for just chores or should he get some cash just because? If you have an answer please share your impute. Generally I feel very bloated.
Pretty sure my hubby is stressed out right now but I need him here! I don't know where he went. We saw the school counselor at DeVry today. It is a program he is interested in, but the whole change job thing is just too stressful for me too. Also still have not figured out who is taking me to hospital on Tuesday, who is taking the kids to school and who is watching the baby.... I'm I supposed to take a cab to the hospital? Not sure. I don't think he will be able to get the day off from work, no he can't go in late, because his employer is stupid and will not schedule him any route if he is not there at 7 am. No he does not get sick days or anything as generous as that, so what to do? My stepmom is off on Tuesdays. My mom works, her friend is usually available but she is not a morning person at all.
If that made you stressed out just reading it, sorry. Can't think clearly right now, I am very tense and considering taking the anxiety medication that I have left over somewhere in the house. At least I think I still have it. I should go fold some laundry. grrr
I have not been calm in days. I am really nervous. There is so much happening, lots of things need to change. It seems that in order for my hubby to go back to school he will either need a new job or I will need to go to work myself. Both are scary. I don't know what to do.
I finally got my tax return. Glad and overwhelming. what do I do with the money? Everyone is out of iPad 2. The van still works, so we don't have an immediate need to get a new truck for hubby to work, but he might go to school so, it starts to get complicated. If we wait too long to get a new truck and he keeps working, he won't be able to work because the Van will need to be fixed, likely costly.
So I was productive the last couple of weeks, I got doctors appointments made and I arrived on time. I got my cough under control, though I still find it startling that it was an Acid Reflux problem. I had an appointment with a surgeon about my hernia and will have it fixed next week. Finally finished skimming a book about ADHD. THe surgery is kinda scary, not sure if it is scarier then me going to work or my husband finding a new job and going to school. I also got by 4 year old in to see a counselor after his parent teacher conference showed mixed results. It seems it is likely my ADHD is inherited and that my early trouble learning to read and just learn may be a problem he also has. Unfortunately the school tells me that they don't screen for ADHD and most learning disabilities will not be screened for until mid Kindergarten. That is just too long to wait for help.
My tummy has been bothering me. Gassy and constipated, or is it anxiety? Could be the combo. Been thinking about how to pay the kids allowance, but not really had a conversation with my hubby about what he wants or thinks about allowance. I hate making these decisions on my own. What are the rules on paying kids allowance? Should I pay him for just chores or should he get some cash just because? If you have an answer please share your impute. Generally I feel very bloated.
Pretty sure my hubby is stressed out right now but I need him here! I don't know where he went. We saw the school counselor at DeVry today. It is a program he is interested in, but the whole change job thing is just too stressful for me too. Also still have not figured out who is taking me to hospital on Tuesday, who is taking the kids to school and who is watching the baby.... I'm I supposed to take a cab to the hospital? Not sure. I don't think he will be able to get the day off from work, no he can't go in late, because his employer is stupid and will not schedule him any route if he is not there at 7 am. No he does not get sick days or anything as generous as that, so what to do? My stepmom is off on Tuesdays. My mom works, her friend is usually available but she is not a morning person at all.
If that made you stressed out just reading it, sorry. Can't think clearly right now, I am very tense and considering taking the anxiety medication that I have left over somewhere in the house. At least I think I still have it. I should go fold some laundry. grrr
Sunday, March 13, 2011
A Letter to Telemarketers
Dear Telemarketer,
I hate you. Why can't you leave a message? Look I screen my calls. I don't always want to talk to my family or my creditors, but I might want to talk to you. I requested information. I expected someone to call me. I expect the caller id to tell me who it might be, but it doesn't because you called from some conglomerate representing 500 companies.
You call me at all hours of the day. Promptly at 8am and again in an hour. Repeat until 9pm in the evening. You called at least 10 times, but left no messages. Paralyzed with fear you were someone I owed money to, I did not answer.
You call me again the next day and the next. You call me like a stalker calls his beloved. You never leave a message. A few times you breath heavily into my answering machine. Nice.
Could you tell me who you are? Really I am in the mood to talk to a stranger. I find it strangely calming, so long as I don't owe you money.
I ask, leave me a message so I can call you back. I can't promise I will remember to do it today, tomorrow or even next week. But if I know who you are I won't get mad and swear at your part-time evening worker desperate to make commission this week.
I screen my calls, do I want to talk with you? I don't know leave a message. I can hear you breathing after the beep. I just want to know you before we talk.
Thanks,
Pamela
I hate you. Why can't you leave a message? Look I screen my calls. I don't always want to talk to my family or my creditors, but I might want to talk to you. I requested information. I expected someone to call me. I expect the caller id to tell me who it might be, but it doesn't because you called from some conglomerate representing 500 companies.
You call me at all hours of the day. Promptly at 8am and again in an hour. Repeat until 9pm in the evening. You called at least 10 times, but left no messages. Paralyzed with fear you were someone I owed money to, I did not answer.
You call me again the next day and the next. You call me like a stalker calls his beloved. You never leave a message. A few times you breath heavily into my answering machine. Nice.
Could you tell me who you are? Really I am in the mood to talk to a stranger. I find it strangely calming, so long as I don't owe you money.
I ask, leave me a message so I can call you back. I can't promise I will remember to do it today, tomorrow or even next week. But if I know who you are I won't get mad and swear at your part-time evening worker desperate to make commission this week.
I screen my calls, do I want to talk with you? I don't know leave a message. I can hear you breathing after the beep. I just want to know you before we talk.
Thanks,
Pamela
Saturday, February 26, 2011
New Nurse Practitioner, New Dose...
So yesterday I visited a new office to get my meds refilled. I think this office will be better for me.
The climate in the office was different, it seemed a bit calmer and a lot less judgmental. The lobby was bigger, about 4 times the size. The office personal was further away too. Their receptionist area was larger, maybe that made for a calmer office. I know that when I worked at UOP and we were all on top of each other we were not happy. When you work in close quarters it is difficult to take a breath, let alone mumble your frustration away.
I remember one of the clinicians coming out of the back to see his patient out, he was rather jolly. He saw one of his other patients and he came out to him, sat down next to him, and shot the breeze for a few seconds, shook hands and returned to his office. He seemed nice, I was not assigned to him though.
WHen it was my turn to meet the new Nurse Practitioner, she came out, called me a few times before I realized she was looking for me, and tried to shake my hand, except my hands were full of candy from the vending machine and mail from the P.O. Box I had just picked up. I guess that is what ADD looks like when you get down too it. Hands too full of random things, brain too busy to acknowledge they are being spoken too, a hand bag overflowing with planners, things that still need to be done and it looks rather messy from a distance. That is how I met my new Practitioner.
It appears to me she is very experienced, she reminded me of an old co-worker, Stephanie. Stephanie was overly organized, not borderline crazy, downright anal-retantive. With Stephanie everything had to be done just right and in the right order, she knew if I missed a step and always came out to tell me in person. That is what the nurse reminds me of.
She was annoyed to find that the other office did not send over my paper file, especially since it had been 2 weeks since they made the appointment for me. When she opened the electronic file she was equally annoyed and disappointed. Things that should be there were not. Things like an actual diagnosis check sheet, patient questionnaires, blood work, and special notes justifying the use of a schedule one drug to the DEA, all missing. Nice to know that if the DEA audited my file I probably would have lost access to treatment, probably for months as it was sorted out!
Her office was significantly larger then the offices at the other location. It had more furniture, and if there had been a massage table instead of a desk it would not have seemed out of place.
She typed in all the things that were missing from my file. She suggested that I try an antidepressant that one takes three times a day. All I could think is if I forget to take the adderall at least once a week, how would I remember to take an antidepressant 3 times a day? So she said she would keep it in her notes and see how I did with a higher dose of Adderall XR. Odd, I did not ask for a higher dose. Yes, I was seeing a slight improvement in my ability to finish basic chores, and I had been able to keep a blog. You should know this is not my first attempt at a web journal, it is probably my 5th or 6th, I usually end up not adding any post after the second or third week.
So an end to this is she gave me a written prescription for 20mg Adderall XR, a requirement to see the lab about blood work and a diagnosis in ICD-9 format of V314.01. I had to look that up, but it is Attention-deficit disorder, with mention of hyperactivity. I don't recall being hyper. Unable to sit still, I fidget a lot. That is just normal for me. Can't sit through a meeting at work without tapping a foot, snapping gum, or messing with a pen somehow. But I guess that is how the describe hyperactive. Started new dose this about 2 hours ago.
The climate in the office was different, it seemed a bit calmer and a lot less judgmental. The lobby was bigger, about 4 times the size. The office personal was further away too. Their receptionist area was larger, maybe that made for a calmer office. I know that when I worked at UOP and we were all on top of each other we were not happy. When you work in close quarters it is difficult to take a breath, let alone mumble your frustration away.
I remember one of the clinicians coming out of the back to see his patient out, he was rather jolly. He saw one of his other patients and he came out to him, sat down next to him, and shot the breeze for a few seconds, shook hands and returned to his office. He seemed nice, I was not assigned to him though.
WHen it was my turn to meet the new Nurse Practitioner, she came out, called me a few times before I realized she was looking for me, and tried to shake my hand, except my hands were full of candy from the vending machine and mail from the P.O. Box I had just picked up. I guess that is what ADD looks like when you get down too it. Hands too full of random things, brain too busy to acknowledge they are being spoken too, a hand bag overflowing with planners, things that still need to be done and it looks rather messy from a distance. That is how I met my new Practitioner.
It appears to me she is very experienced, she reminded me of an old co-worker, Stephanie. Stephanie was overly organized, not borderline crazy, downright anal-retantive. With Stephanie everything had to be done just right and in the right order, she knew if I missed a step and always came out to tell me in person. That is what the nurse reminds me of.
She was annoyed to find that the other office did not send over my paper file, especially since it had been 2 weeks since they made the appointment for me. When she opened the electronic file she was equally annoyed and disappointed. Things that should be there were not. Things like an actual diagnosis check sheet, patient questionnaires, blood work, and special notes justifying the use of a schedule one drug to the DEA, all missing. Nice to know that if the DEA audited my file I probably would have lost access to treatment, probably for months as it was sorted out!
Her office was significantly larger then the offices at the other location. It had more furniture, and if there had been a massage table instead of a desk it would not have seemed out of place.
She typed in all the things that were missing from my file. She suggested that I try an antidepressant that one takes three times a day. All I could think is if I forget to take the adderall at least once a week, how would I remember to take an antidepressant 3 times a day? So she said she would keep it in her notes and see how I did with a higher dose of Adderall XR. Odd, I did not ask for a higher dose. Yes, I was seeing a slight improvement in my ability to finish basic chores, and I had been able to keep a blog. You should know this is not my first attempt at a web journal, it is probably my 5th or 6th, I usually end up not adding any post after the second or third week.
So an end to this is she gave me a written prescription for 20mg Adderall XR, a requirement to see the lab about blood work and a diagnosis in ICD-9 format of V314.01. I had to look that up, but it is Attention-deficit disorder, with mention of hyperactivity. I don't recall being hyper. Unable to sit still, I fidget a lot. That is just normal for me. Can't sit through a meeting at work without tapping a foot, snapping gum, or messing with a pen somehow. But I guess that is how the describe hyperactive. Started new dose this about 2 hours ago.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Soap Box on Individual Responsibility
So I am sitting on my couch. The TV is on and there is another commercial for an injury lawyer; then the news returns and there another story of someones stupidity, of some preventable injury or death. Everyday. While I have not traveled the world, I am certain theses things are not only American happenings. What I am about to say is going to be offensive to many people and someday I might wish I never wrote my opinion about how people have a duty to do the right thing, not that is not just a Scouting message. Yes, my kids do participate in Cub Scouts and I was briefly a Girl Scout, even selling yummy cookie.
Today I read an update to the death of a little boy due to tainted alcohol wipes. My heart hurts for the loss of these parents, they should not have had to go through the terrible heartache or the agonizing misery of filing a lawsuit against Triad Products. Their loss was enough. The terrible fact of how their son contracted a deadly bacterial infection would have been crushing enough for me, but they are doing the right thing by standing up and letting us know what terrible things this company has done. They are right to hold the company accountable in both the court of public opinion and the court of law.
The update to the story states that FDA inspectors knew about the issues this company had with sanitation, sterilization, orderly records, and maintenance of manufacturing equipment as far back as 2009. That looks really, really bad to say the least. Worse is that the government did not issue "official letters" or file paperwork to stop production of products. Yes, FDA has the authority to write you a formal letter saying you need to correct some issues for the safety and health of all mankind, but they did not. The government regulator at the FDA noted that the company promised to correct the known issues.
Of course the company did not correct the issues. If they did I would not have anything to write about right now. What happen? Corporate greed. At least that is my opinion that is what happened. Should we be surprised? If you say no we should not be surprised, I think you are wrong! Do you remember the corporate greed scandals of Enron, Arthur Anderson, Halliburton, Firestone Tires, World Com, or AIG; did we learn anything about individual responsibility during any of them? Certainly, in each case there was at least one person who knew about the atrocities and did absolutely nothing to stop it because it would look bad on a balance sheet. These people who wanted more money for themselves and their "investors" did not do the moral thing and it cost people lives, financial security and the trust of future generations.
Lets face it, if you go to Business School, management in particular, you are taught to maximize the bottom line and that if you fail to do it, there are 10 others waiting outside to take your job. Yes, Business Schools teach that. They teach us that business is ruthless, cut throat and full of gold and pretty spouses if we rise to the task. Of course your pretty spouse will leave you if you stop bring in the gold. At least that is what you are told will happen in business school. As a result of all this bad philosophy taught in Business School, managers do really bad things, immoral things, things not just Christianity says are wrong, but all religions I have ever learned about. Greed and Envy and Pride can be really terrible things if you let them.
So back to Triad Products.... Yes, the managers had a moral obligation to do the right thing. They had the responsibility to make certain its products were "sterile" and safe. After all that is why people and hospitals buy alcohol wipes labeled sterile. So the manager failed to do the moral thing, many times because he was concerned about the bottom line, the gold he takes home and the trouble of loosing a pretty spouse. Here's the thing he would not have lost all the gold or the wife if he had done the right thing.
Why did I label this a Soap Box on Individual responsibility? Because the manager is not the only person with the responsibility to do the right thing! After all, manufacturing plants still have lots of humans running around. Machines do lots of the work, absolutely! People are there to clean the facility, fix the machines when the break, the radiologist in charge of nuking the products to kill germs, the worker in charge of quality control and shipping manager who gets the final product out to you the consumer. That means that there were no less than 5 separate people who knew about problems with their products. The person in charge of sanitation should have know proper and safe methods for ensuring the products produced by Triad would not become contaminated with terrible things. The maintenance worker had the responsibility to stop manufacturing if the products were not sealed correctly or being labeled correctly by the machine. The radiologist in charge of nuking the products to kill the germs that could be on the product had the responsibility to know when they were using enough to kill germs and when they were using too much. Nuking products is actually common, most of the fruits and veggies we eat are nuked before they get to the stores to prevent deadly contamination. What responsibility did quality control have? Well a whole ton! They had the responsibility to make certain all the previous jobs were done using the best practices available 100% of the time! If they walked into the manufacturing plant and people were having a buffet on manufacturing floor, then they needed to stop it and sanitize it! If they walked into the manufacturing plant and noticed a machine was not operating properly, they had the responsibility to get it fixed and check the products to see if quality was affected by it. If they sampled their products and found issues with bacterias or viruses they had the responsibility to have the product trashed and they had to have the Radiologist make adjustments. Finally, the shipping manager had the responsibility to trash bad product and recover bad product that had already shipped. Each individual had the responsibility to say this in not right, let me do the right thing. And guess what?! If they had blown the proverbial whistle, they could not be fired or demoted or otherwise punished or intimidated, because we know lots of lawyers would like to take their case so they could cash in on punitive damages.
Now I must ask, knowing all those other people also had the responsibility as an individual to do the right thing; Is it the governments job to do the right thing for us? I say no. Yes, I think the government should have done more, but it is not their job to do the right thing. The government work is there for when we, as individuals repeatedly fail to do the moral thing, the right thing, to stop terrible preventable things from happening. We don't need more government regulations or regulators, we need more people doing the right thing.
Today I read an update to the death of a little boy due to tainted alcohol wipes. My heart hurts for the loss of these parents, they should not have had to go through the terrible heartache or the agonizing misery of filing a lawsuit against Triad Products. Their loss was enough. The terrible fact of how their son contracted a deadly bacterial infection would have been crushing enough for me, but they are doing the right thing by standing up and letting us know what terrible things this company has done. They are right to hold the company accountable in both the court of public opinion and the court of law.
The update to the story states that FDA inspectors knew about the issues this company had with sanitation, sterilization, orderly records, and maintenance of manufacturing equipment as far back as 2009. That looks really, really bad to say the least. Worse is that the government did not issue "official letters" or file paperwork to stop production of products. Yes, FDA has the authority to write you a formal letter saying you need to correct some issues for the safety and health of all mankind, but they did not. The government regulator at the FDA noted that the company promised to correct the known issues.
Of course the company did not correct the issues. If they did I would not have anything to write about right now. What happen? Corporate greed. At least that is my opinion that is what happened. Should we be surprised? If you say no we should not be surprised, I think you are wrong! Do you remember the corporate greed scandals of Enron, Arthur Anderson, Halliburton, Firestone Tires, World Com, or AIG; did we learn anything about individual responsibility during any of them? Certainly, in each case there was at least one person who knew about the atrocities and did absolutely nothing to stop it because it would look bad on a balance sheet. These people who wanted more money for themselves and their "investors" did not do the moral thing and it cost people lives, financial security and the trust of future generations.
Lets face it, if you go to Business School, management in particular, you are taught to maximize the bottom line and that if you fail to do it, there are 10 others waiting outside to take your job. Yes, Business Schools teach that. They teach us that business is ruthless, cut throat and full of gold and pretty spouses if we rise to the task. Of course your pretty spouse will leave you if you stop bring in the gold. At least that is what you are told will happen in business school. As a result of all this bad philosophy taught in Business School, managers do really bad things, immoral things, things not just Christianity says are wrong, but all religions I have ever learned about. Greed and Envy and Pride can be really terrible things if you let them.
So back to Triad Products.... Yes, the managers had a moral obligation to do the right thing. They had the responsibility to make certain its products were "sterile" and safe. After all that is why people and hospitals buy alcohol wipes labeled sterile. So the manager failed to do the moral thing, many times because he was concerned about the bottom line, the gold he takes home and the trouble of loosing a pretty spouse. Here's the thing he would not have lost all the gold or the wife if he had done the right thing.
Why did I label this a Soap Box on Individual responsibility? Because the manager is not the only person with the responsibility to do the right thing! After all, manufacturing plants still have lots of humans running around. Machines do lots of the work, absolutely! People are there to clean the facility, fix the machines when the break, the radiologist in charge of nuking the products to kill germs, the worker in charge of quality control and shipping manager who gets the final product out to you the consumer. That means that there were no less than 5 separate people who knew about problems with their products. The person in charge of sanitation should have know proper and safe methods for ensuring the products produced by Triad would not become contaminated with terrible things. The maintenance worker had the responsibility to stop manufacturing if the products were not sealed correctly or being labeled correctly by the machine. The radiologist in charge of nuking the products to kill the germs that could be on the product had the responsibility to know when they were using enough to kill germs and when they were using too much. Nuking products is actually common, most of the fruits and veggies we eat are nuked before they get to the stores to prevent deadly contamination. What responsibility did quality control have? Well a whole ton! They had the responsibility to make certain all the previous jobs were done using the best practices available 100% of the time! If they walked into the manufacturing plant and people were having a buffet on manufacturing floor, then they needed to stop it and sanitize it! If they walked into the manufacturing plant and noticed a machine was not operating properly, they had the responsibility to get it fixed and check the products to see if quality was affected by it. If they sampled their products and found issues with bacterias or viruses they had the responsibility to have the product trashed and they had to have the Radiologist make adjustments. Finally, the shipping manager had the responsibility to trash bad product and recover bad product that had already shipped. Each individual had the responsibility to say this in not right, let me do the right thing. And guess what?! If they had blown the proverbial whistle, they could not be fired or demoted or otherwise punished or intimidated, because we know lots of lawyers would like to take their case so they could cash in on punitive damages.
Now I must ask, knowing all those other people also had the responsibility as an individual to do the right thing; Is it the governments job to do the right thing for us? I say no. Yes, I think the government should have done more, but it is not their job to do the right thing. The government work is there for when we, as individuals repeatedly fail to do the moral thing, the right thing, to stop terrible preventable things from happening. We don't need more government regulations or regulators, we need more people doing the right thing.
Monday, February 21, 2011
I need a break....and a pitcher of Margarita
Help I need a break. Badly. Imagine this... You hear yourself screaming at your kids, literally about everything, anything and probably somethings you just imagined happened. You have had too many days of sick, needy, whiney kids and not enough sex or rest. Your kids keep interrupting you every 2-3 minutes. Your tired, frustrated, down right PMSing and you can't seem to get a hold of your temper. I wish the kids would drink some Nyquil or Benadryl and go to sleep; no story, no "Mommy I need a drink!" No, none of that. Right now I wish my husband would get home early for work so I could just leave him with the kids, and not say a word about the terrible day and deadly short fuse I have. I would come back around 10:30pm that way the kids would definitely be asleep and I could have already had a pitcher of margarita, danced on the bar, taken a cab home, woken up in bed and not remember where the car is! That is what I want. I don't want to remember where I went to drink the night away or have anything but some random person with a cell phone picture of me being pulled off the bar by the bar-keep on a Monday night. Oh, and all the things still on the To-Do list that I never remember to write would be mysteriously done.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Kids Sick again.
What is it with this years cold and flu season? Is is me or are your kids getting sick again and again? It seems like it at my house. 3 kids and 2 are definitely sick. One a mild flu? The other stomach flu or is it turning into Strep Throat? The school sent home another letter warning us that a kid has contracted strep.
Disappointed that I just deep cleaned the kids bedroom carpet. I think Nicky is destined to throw up on the carpet and not in the bathroom. Hey, he is 4. Also disappointed about cleaning the couch. I go weeks without having anything spilled on the couch and decide to have it steamed, 24 hours later, kids yogurt hits the seat.
On the brighter side I finally finished catching up the checkbook. I now know how much money I can't spend because it is not there. Disappointing. Now I can do all the paper chores, like paying for the Cooking Club subscription and I am not sure, shredding stuff? Still waiting for husbands third W-2 so we can file.
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| Nicky and Danny cuddle while sick |
Disappointed that I just deep cleaned the kids bedroom carpet. I think Nicky is destined to throw up on the carpet and not in the bathroom. Hey, he is 4. Also disappointed about cleaning the couch. I go weeks without having anything spilled on the couch and decide to have it steamed, 24 hours later, kids yogurt hits the seat.
On the brighter side I finally finished catching up the checkbook. I now know how much money I can't spend because it is not there. Disappointing. Now I can do all the paper chores, like paying for the Cooking Club subscription and I am not sure, shredding stuff? Still waiting for husbands third W-2 so we can file.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
huh, to do or not to do
So I went back to the mental health care clinic yesterday. I actually went two days in a row. The first for general counseling to see if my mood is improving. Therapist thought it was improving. So yesterday was for the med check. It was a new med person. I am not sure changing med persons was good for me. I don't think she truly understood me and I don't think I understood her questions the way she wanted. It is something that has to do with no small talk and very little introduction. I get. Your busy and you just took over hundreds of patients in addition to your own. But it made for a less then great experience. Does she understand that her questions really need to be specific and if you want to know about more then the last 6 weeks you need to tell me. I am not working that is in my past. I am not going to school that is in my past, and really 15 minutes to ask me is too little time to investigate an improvement or problem with my adderall medication.
When you get asked a question and you are looking to your clinician to explain what type of behavior she is talking about, you really need to know. I was not trying to be rude, but I really did not get what she implied by "burst of energy"... Does she mean do you stay up all night doing things? or does she mean are you more active in general? Is she talking about something else? When she says are their things that you "focus on more"? What the hell does that mean? Yes I spend more time on the internet then I should. I know I really need to mop the kitchen floor, dust all the things in the house and oil the wood furniture. I should do those. I mean I eventually will before we move again.
Do people with ADHD move more often? I don't know, but I would like to know. I have read about many others who are "suffering" and not thriving with ADHD and having issues with credit and just remembering to pay bills on time. I definitely relate to their suffering. What about friends? Do they have as much trouble as I do connecting with people? Staying connected? Or just being in the same room as their spouse. Do we hyper-focus on the same things? Do they also have trouble with the noise at the grocery store, have they also tried going to the store in the middle of the night because fewer people and distractions are there? Are they annoyed and frustrated by the same things? Do they start thinking about other things on the "to-do list" in the middle of sex? Do they also wish sex did not last as long? Really, trying to find answers to real questions and real solutions is hard. Still need to finish balancing the check book, guess I should finish.