So how

Do you convince a new boss that they are that tiny push over the edge and that it can be changed?  Don't know.  I didn't succeed, so instead I will have to figure out how to change so that is not the thing that pushes me over the edge.

Not sure how one explains something that is all in your head to someone who doesn't have it all in their head....  Huh.  So, new job looks like it is a perfect fit, and I still believe it really is the perfect job.  It is the job I was intended to do, I know, God has been giving me clues for years, but now I am stuck in the mire of generalized anxiety disorder and an obvious dip back into the deep end of the depression pool.  Its hard to explain what you feel when just breathing seems like an overwhelming challenge when the person you want to understand seem just so perfectly capable of handling things the world has dealt.  It does not seem like my boss is the one covered in monkey pooh.  Somehow his monkey is obedient or just has really bad aim.

So I work on my plan.  If you don't have a focus problem creating a plan on the go, that deals with long term forecasting and goal setting is probably something you can handle between phone calls, dirty diapers, parent teacher conferences, and urgent family needs.  But if you have that problem of controlling Your Elephant-read that in a book called Switch, I highly recommend people in charge of others read that, maybe you need to decided what you want the elephant to do before you get on.  So that leads me to a really long drawn out business plan, with numbers, and statements about what strengths I have; at a time when I feel like I have none.  Statements about what the future could look like with a bit of effort, you know the stuff that requires you to get off the couch, maybe answer the phone, check some emails and go out and meet some new people.  Mostly it requires me to know what I want, know what that looks like and know how I will know I have achieved that.  All a tall order, but I believe critical for me to actually do what my boss desires, a smiling productive agent that is not as stressed out as I am right now.

So, I guess this was my break.  I should get back to the process of saying what I want, so I can figure out how to get it and declare when I have succeeded.  

Ancient Alien

I am I bored or avoiding doing important things?

It has been an unusual day.  It was supposed to be simple, after all I had a plan.  But like all good plans it went horribly wrong.  1st I slept a bit too long.  Not so long that I was going to be late, just very rushed.  I slept an extra 20 minutes.  I got myself and my kids all dressed.  

I called my Mom onetime!  We prepared to be picked up.  Waited and then found that it was not going to happen.  Why?  My mother started her truck only to find that it was suddenly loud like a hog without a muffler.  What had happened?  

Turns out a thief had taken the trucks catalytic converter.  Sometime during the night a thief had slid under the truck and taken a power saw to the trucks environmental capture systems and exhaust system.  Now my mother heard nothing and the car alarm which is so sensitive that it goes off every time a hog goes by, wasn't triggered.  

A neighbor heard a racket, but by the time he was curious enough to look the noise had stopped.  The noise lasted just a few minutes.  

It changed the plan, instead of hitting the local IHOP, we had to wait for police to arrive, then the insurance company to open for business, and finally for a tow truck to take the damaged truck to the dealer.  It took hours!  We finally had to take my mother to pick up a rental.  

In an attempt to get back on track, we took the kids to the toy store, where they bought a Mater tow truck and some Lego ninjas to defend their toys.  We dropped off the two younger kids and hit the drive thru for some grub and went to Kohl's for school clothes.  

So instead of being on this great schedule where school cloth shopping was done by noon, we were not finished until 4:30pm.  So we ordered take out at 5 and now the kids refuse to sleep.  

Instead of calling prospective clients and washing all the laundry as I had planned to do this afternoon I am behind.  So why didn't i call before I wrote this?  Well, dang, I was tired.  In order to relax I turned on Netflix and found a new documentary series to watch.  It is strange~  it is called Ancient Alien.  It is a story about how the ancients on earth built things like the pyramids and how every culture on earth seems to have the same stories.  The same tales and similar images of extraterrestrial beings and flying crafts that supposedly didn't exist in our past.  The series challenges the idea that we were stupid and that we were alone in the universe.  Are they right?  Does our past show we were not alone?  Does our past show that we have been influenced and enjoyed visitors from other places?