Sunday, March 13, 2011

A Letter to Telemarketers

Dear Telemarketer,

I hate you.  Why can't you leave a message?  Look I screen my calls.  I don't always want to talk to my family or my creditors, but I might want to talk to you.  I requested information.  I expected someone to call me.  I expect the caller id to tell me who it might be, but it doesn't because you called from some conglomerate representing 500 companies.

You call me at all hours of the day.  Promptly at 8am and again in an hour.  Repeat until 9pm in the evening.  You called at least 10 times, but left no messages.  Paralyzed with fear you were someone I owed money to, I did not answer.

You call me again the next day and the next.  You call me like a stalker calls his beloved.  You never leave a message.  A few times you breath heavily into my answering machine.  Nice.

Could you tell me who you are?  Really I am in the mood to talk to a stranger.  I find it strangely calming, so long as I don't owe you money.

I ask, leave me a message so I can call you back.  I can't promise I will remember to do it today, tomorrow or even next week.  But if I know who you are I won't get mad and swear at your part-time evening worker desperate to make commission this week.

I screen my calls, do I want to talk with you?  I don't know leave a message.   I can hear you breathing after the beep.  I just want to know you before we talk.

Thanks,

Pamela

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