I had an insatiable appetite today. I wonder if that is a side effect of strong antibiotics or general stress from the situation. It was a long day but it seemed short due to the ridiculously long wandering afternoon of my baby, who was all too happy to break in his baby leash. Its quite funny to see a baby on a leash, but it has become necessary! I can't explain how terrifying it is to realize your baby has wandered away. I don't know why I didn't get one sooner! Probably because I think their ludicrous.
So it was Tuesday night. A cub scouts night. What a difference it was. Some things are hard to explain and incomprehensible to those that have never experienced it. I made spaghetti as its kinda customary to have on
Such a busy night. The kids ate. There was less arguing, and those that did happen, we're easier to curb. The kids played and followed directions, we did not need to rush! We arrived on time and the kids had fun. We returned home with lots to do: bathe, eat dessert, wash more laundry, pick up toys, take out garbage, get pj's on, read a story and go to bed. It was different this time.
First we did not rush to clean up the house before we left. We just were not concerned about how Dad would react to the small mess. It made going toScouts less stressful. When we returned we weren't hurting to clean because Dad was coming home. We just did things as we could. When it was time to clean up their bedroom, no one panicked. No one cried about there being too much to do. No one was stressed and they all worked together. Most amazingly was how quick it was picked up!!!!
It was the first time I was conscience of just how much anxiety was in the house do tony husband's unpredictable moods. It's different to experience peace when war has been all you have known for years.
1 comment:
I have to agree with your husband on this point, Pam. I loved reading your blog in the past because it offered a window into the mindset of a clearly intelligent young mother struggling with ADHD. But it has turned into a he-said, she-said between you and your husband, which is neither helpful to your marriage and perversely voyeuristic from a reader's perspective. This will not help save your marriage: it will only assist in its demise.
There needs to be some level of decorum and discretion when in a struggling marriage. This kind of exchange does you a disservice, and while I can appreciate it may be a way in which to purge yourself of the things that plague you in married life, it is also clearly painful and humiliating to your husband. I can sense that in his comments.
Perhaps you could either work on, or sever, your marriage in a more private setting.
And as far as your therapists are concerned, they have no right telling you to divorce your husband. Only you can come to that conclusion. And if they are actually telling you what to do, dictating to you how to live, and telling you what you should be feeling and for whom, then they are very shit indeed. Therapy often does more hard than good because it keeps people addicted to therapy, in need of it, in need of them, confused and incapable of interacting with humanity on instinct and that which comes naturally.
Your therapists need to fuck off. Only you know what's best for you. Deep down, you do know, and you don't need anyone telling you that your instincts are misguided. You don't need anyone's opinions. Trust your instinct, and unload your therapists.
I wish you every luck in the world.
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