Is the new dose of Adderall working? I think so. At first I did not think the new dose had any affect on me. I mean, I was a whole bunch calmer, but that could simply be that PMS has left this nest for the next 3-4 weeks.
I actually made it on time to all scheduled events on Saturday, even a bit early.
I managed not to throw a fit when all the pigs took all the food at the Cub Scouts Blue and Gold Banquet Saturday night leaving my family with a single piece of chicken, a few crumbs from a bag of chips and some diet Rosmary Sweet Potatoes. That is big, I watched the first 2 rows of tables, each with about 50 people take heaping scoops of Mac and Cheese, Green Beans, Salad, Bread, Scalloped potatoes and other yummy comfort foods. Not nice. I mean did these people not see all the people and the lack of food because they did not bring in food, even though they were required to bring a dish? Pigs, rude fat pigs!
Sunday was a leap on the task list. Still not organized in any way. Still not prioritizing correctly the things that need to be done, bought, cleaned or tossed. But I made a leap. I rearranged my closet. We have been using it to store extra toilet paper and toiletries from my coupon hoarding days in January. I fixed the pile that had happened on the shelfs. I also cleaned the tool box, organized it, and then tackled the fasteners box. Did you know that was insane? Who organizes their fasteners? I don't but I felt compelled to put them all in their place once I started.
No, I am not SuperMom. I failed to cook dinner. I fed the kids left over pizza from their Sunday afternoon playmate. I fed their Dad, left over chicken fajita stuff with some microwave rice. Can't remember what I ate, other then it did not taste good.
What is for dinner today? Not sure, I know I need eggs, something else, and to pay the electric bill. I know that there are other things I should be remembering but all I can remember is the eggs. Eggs.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
New Nurse Practitioner, New Dose...
So yesterday I visited a new office to get my meds refilled. I think this office will be better for me.
The climate in the office was different, it seemed a bit calmer and a lot less judgmental. The lobby was bigger, about 4 times the size. The office personal was further away too. Their receptionist area was larger, maybe that made for a calmer office. I know that when I worked at UOP and we were all on top of each other we were not happy. When you work in close quarters it is difficult to take a breath, let alone mumble your frustration away.
I remember one of the clinicians coming out of the back to see his patient out, he was rather jolly. He saw one of his other patients and he came out to him, sat down next to him, and shot the breeze for a few seconds, shook hands and returned to his office. He seemed nice, I was not assigned to him though.
WHen it was my turn to meet the new Nurse Practitioner, she came out, called me a few times before I realized she was looking for me, and tried to shake my hand, except my hands were full of candy from the vending machine and mail from the P.O. Box I had just picked up. I guess that is what ADD looks like when you get down too it. Hands too full of random things, brain too busy to acknowledge they are being spoken too, a hand bag overflowing with planners, things that still need to be done and it looks rather messy from a distance. That is how I met my new Practitioner.
It appears to me she is very experienced, she reminded me of an old co-worker, Stephanie. Stephanie was overly organized, not borderline crazy, downright anal-retantive. With Stephanie everything had to be done just right and in the right order, she knew if I missed a step and always came out to tell me in person. That is what the nurse reminds me of.
She was annoyed to find that the other office did not send over my paper file, especially since it had been 2 weeks since they made the appointment for me. When she opened the electronic file she was equally annoyed and disappointed. Things that should be there were not. Things like an actual diagnosis check sheet, patient questionnaires, blood work, and special notes justifying the use of a schedule one drug to the DEA, all missing. Nice to know that if the DEA audited my file I probably would have lost access to treatment, probably for months as it was sorted out!
Her office was significantly larger then the offices at the other location. It had more furniture, and if there had been a massage table instead of a desk it would not have seemed out of place.
She typed in all the things that were missing from my file. She suggested that I try an antidepressant that one takes three times a day. All I could think is if I forget to take the adderall at least once a week, how would I remember to take an antidepressant 3 times a day? So she said she would keep it in her notes and see how I did with a higher dose of Adderall XR. Odd, I did not ask for a higher dose. Yes, I was seeing a slight improvement in my ability to finish basic chores, and I had been able to keep a blog. You should know this is not my first attempt at a web journal, it is probably my 5th or 6th, I usually end up not adding any post after the second or third week.
So an end to this is she gave me a written prescription for 20mg Adderall XR, a requirement to see the lab about blood work and a diagnosis in ICD-9 format of V314.01. I had to look that up, but it is Attention-deficit disorder, with mention of hyperactivity. I don't recall being hyper. Unable to sit still, I fidget a lot. That is just normal for me. Can't sit through a meeting at work without tapping a foot, snapping gum, or messing with a pen somehow. But I guess that is how the describe hyperactive. Started new dose this about 2 hours ago.
The climate in the office was different, it seemed a bit calmer and a lot less judgmental. The lobby was bigger, about 4 times the size. The office personal was further away too. Their receptionist area was larger, maybe that made for a calmer office. I know that when I worked at UOP and we were all on top of each other we were not happy. When you work in close quarters it is difficult to take a breath, let alone mumble your frustration away.
I remember one of the clinicians coming out of the back to see his patient out, he was rather jolly. He saw one of his other patients and he came out to him, sat down next to him, and shot the breeze for a few seconds, shook hands and returned to his office. He seemed nice, I was not assigned to him though.
WHen it was my turn to meet the new Nurse Practitioner, she came out, called me a few times before I realized she was looking for me, and tried to shake my hand, except my hands were full of candy from the vending machine and mail from the P.O. Box I had just picked up. I guess that is what ADD looks like when you get down too it. Hands too full of random things, brain too busy to acknowledge they are being spoken too, a hand bag overflowing with planners, things that still need to be done and it looks rather messy from a distance. That is how I met my new Practitioner.
It appears to me she is very experienced, she reminded me of an old co-worker, Stephanie. Stephanie was overly organized, not borderline crazy, downright anal-retantive. With Stephanie everything had to be done just right and in the right order, she knew if I missed a step and always came out to tell me in person. That is what the nurse reminds me of.
She was annoyed to find that the other office did not send over my paper file, especially since it had been 2 weeks since they made the appointment for me. When she opened the electronic file she was equally annoyed and disappointed. Things that should be there were not. Things like an actual diagnosis check sheet, patient questionnaires, blood work, and special notes justifying the use of a schedule one drug to the DEA, all missing. Nice to know that if the DEA audited my file I probably would have lost access to treatment, probably for months as it was sorted out!
Her office was significantly larger then the offices at the other location. It had more furniture, and if there had been a massage table instead of a desk it would not have seemed out of place.
She typed in all the things that were missing from my file. She suggested that I try an antidepressant that one takes three times a day. All I could think is if I forget to take the adderall at least once a week, how would I remember to take an antidepressant 3 times a day? So she said she would keep it in her notes and see how I did with a higher dose of Adderall XR. Odd, I did not ask for a higher dose. Yes, I was seeing a slight improvement in my ability to finish basic chores, and I had been able to keep a blog. You should know this is not my first attempt at a web journal, it is probably my 5th or 6th, I usually end up not adding any post after the second or third week.
So an end to this is she gave me a written prescription for 20mg Adderall XR, a requirement to see the lab about blood work and a diagnosis in ICD-9 format of V314.01. I had to look that up, but it is Attention-deficit disorder, with mention of hyperactivity. I don't recall being hyper. Unable to sit still, I fidget a lot. That is just normal for me. Can't sit through a meeting at work without tapping a foot, snapping gum, or messing with a pen somehow. But I guess that is how the describe hyperactive. Started new dose this about 2 hours ago.
Friday, February 25, 2011
179
horray! The number is going down again. Only 49 more to go. very good. already down 30, nearly half way dun!
Wonder what Dr. Oz will say. I am four from the goal I set for the 11 week challenge. I am not sure when that ends.
Wonder what Dr. Oz will say. I am four from the goal I set for the 11 week challenge. I am not sure when that ends.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
iPad2
i want one. i want one. i want one. blessed be the delivery man that brings this to my door. i want one. i don't care what it cost or how it makes my bank account float like a dead fish. i want one. i've anticipated the day they will say it will be here. the day it will be mine. the voices on my internet say they will tell me March 3rd. i want one.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Soap Box on Individual Responsibility
So I am sitting on my couch. The TV is on and there is another commercial for an injury lawyer; then the news returns and there another story of someones stupidity, of some preventable injury or death. Everyday. While I have not traveled the world, I am certain theses things are not only American happenings. What I am about to say is going to be offensive to many people and someday I might wish I never wrote my opinion about how people have a duty to do the right thing, not that is not just a Scouting message. Yes, my kids do participate in Cub Scouts and I was briefly a Girl Scout, even selling yummy cookie.
Today I read an update to the death of a little boy due to tainted alcohol wipes. My heart hurts for the loss of these parents, they should not have had to go through the terrible heartache or the agonizing misery of filing a lawsuit against Triad Products. Their loss was enough. The terrible fact of how their son contracted a deadly bacterial infection would have been crushing enough for me, but they are doing the right thing by standing up and letting us know what terrible things this company has done. They are right to hold the company accountable in both the court of public opinion and the court of law.
The update to the story states that FDA inspectors knew about the issues this company had with sanitation, sterilization, orderly records, and maintenance of manufacturing equipment as far back as 2009. That looks really, really bad to say the least. Worse is that the government did not issue "official letters" or file paperwork to stop production of products. Yes, FDA has the authority to write you a formal letter saying you need to correct some issues for the safety and health of all mankind, but they did not. The government regulator at the FDA noted that the company promised to correct the known issues.
Of course the company did not correct the issues. If they did I would not have anything to write about right now. What happen? Corporate greed. At least that is my opinion that is what happened. Should we be surprised? If you say no we should not be surprised, I think you are wrong! Do you remember the corporate greed scandals of Enron, Arthur Anderson, Halliburton, Firestone Tires, World Com, or AIG; did we learn anything about individual responsibility during any of them? Certainly, in each case there was at least one person who knew about the atrocities and did absolutely nothing to stop it because it would look bad on a balance sheet. These people who wanted more money for themselves and their "investors" did not do the moral thing and it cost people lives, financial security and the trust of future generations.
Lets face it, if you go to Business School, management in particular, you are taught to maximize the bottom line and that if you fail to do it, there are 10 others waiting outside to take your job. Yes, Business Schools teach that. They teach us that business is ruthless, cut throat and full of gold and pretty spouses if we rise to the task. Of course your pretty spouse will leave you if you stop bring in the gold. At least that is what you are told will happen in business school. As a result of all this bad philosophy taught in Business School, managers do really bad things, immoral things, things not just Christianity says are wrong, but all religions I have ever learned about. Greed and Envy and Pride can be really terrible things if you let them.
So back to Triad Products.... Yes, the managers had a moral obligation to do the right thing. They had the responsibility to make certain its products were "sterile" and safe. After all that is why people and hospitals buy alcohol wipes labeled sterile. So the manager failed to do the moral thing, many times because he was concerned about the bottom line, the gold he takes home and the trouble of loosing a pretty spouse. Here's the thing he would not have lost all the gold or the wife if he had done the right thing.
Why did I label this a Soap Box on Individual responsibility? Because the manager is not the only person with the responsibility to do the right thing! After all, manufacturing plants still have lots of humans running around. Machines do lots of the work, absolutely! People are there to clean the facility, fix the machines when the break, the radiologist in charge of nuking the products to kill germs, the worker in charge of quality control and shipping manager who gets the final product out to you the consumer. That means that there were no less than 5 separate people who knew about problems with their products. The person in charge of sanitation should have know proper and safe methods for ensuring the products produced by Triad would not become contaminated with terrible things. The maintenance worker had the responsibility to stop manufacturing if the products were not sealed correctly or being labeled correctly by the machine. The radiologist in charge of nuking the products to kill the germs that could be on the product had the responsibility to know when they were using enough to kill germs and when they were using too much. Nuking products is actually common, most of the fruits and veggies we eat are nuked before they get to the stores to prevent deadly contamination. What responsibility did quality control have? Well a whole ton! They had the responsibility to make certain all the previous jobs were done using the best practices available 100% of the time! If they walked into the manufacturing plant and people were having a buffet on manufacturing floor, then they needed to stop it and sanitize it! If they walked into the manufacturing plant and noticed a machine was not operating properly, they had the responsibility to get it fixed and check the products to see if quality was affected by it. If they sampled their products and found issues with bacterias or viruses they had the responsibility to have the product trashed and they had to have the Radiologist make adjustments. Finally, the shipping manager had the responsibility to trash bad product and recover bad product that had already shipped. Each individual had the responsibility to say this in not right, let me do the right thing. And guess what?! If they had blown the proverbial whistle, they could not be fired or demoted or otherwise punished or intimidated, because we know lots of lawyers would like to take their case so they could cash in on punitive damages.
Now I must ask, knowing all those other people also had the responsibility as an individual to do the right thing; Is it the governments job to do the right thing for us? I say no. Yes, I think the government should have done more, but it is not their job to do the right thing. The government work is there for when we, as individuals repeatedly fail to do the moral thing, the right thing, to stop terrible preventable things from happening. We don't need more government regulations or regulators, we need more people doing the right thing.
Today I read an update to the death of a little boy due to tainted alcohol wipes. My heart hurts for the loss of these parents, they should not have had to go through the terrible heartache or the agonizing misery of filing a lawsuit against Triad Products. Their loss was enough. The terrible fact of how their son contracted a deadly bacterial infection would have been crushing enough for me, but they are doing the right thing by standing up and letting us know what terrible things this company has done. They are right to hold the company accountable in both the court of public opinion and the court of law.
The update to the story states that FDA inspectors knew about the issues this company had with sanitation, sterilization, orderly records, and maintenance of manufacturing equipment as far back as 2009. That looks really, really bad to say the least. Worse is that the government did not issue "official letters" or file paperwork to stop production of products. Yes, FDA has the authority to write you a formal letter saying you need to correct some issues for the safety and health of all mankind, but they did not. The government regulator at the FDA noted that the company promised to correct the known issues.
Of course the company did not correct the issues. If they did I would not have anything to write about right now. What happen? Corporate greed. At least that is my opinion that is what happened. Should we be surprised? If you say no we should not be surprised, I think you are wrong! Do you remember the corporate greed scandals of Enron, Arthur Anderson, Halliburton, Firestone Tires, World Com, or AIG; did we learn anything about individual responsibility during any of them? Certainly, in each case there was at least one person who knew about the atrocities and did absolutely nothing to stop it because it would look bad on a balance sheet. These people who wanted more money for themselves and their "investors" did not do the moral thing and it cost people lives, financial security and the trust of future generations.
Lets face it, if you go to Business School, management in particular, you are taught to maximize the bottom line and that if you fail to do it, there are 10 others waiting outside to take your job. Yes, Business Schools teach that. They teach us that business is ruthless, cut throat and full of gold and pretty spouses if we rise to the task. Of course your pretty spouse will leave you if you stop bring in the gold. At least that is what you are told will happen in business school. As a result of all this bad philosophy taught in Business School, managers do really bad things, immoral things, things not just Christianity says are wrong, but all religions I have ever learned about. Greed and Envy and Pride can be really terrible things if you let them.
So back to Triad Products.... Yes, the managers had a moral obligation to do the right thing. They had the responsibility to make certain its products were "sterile" and safe. After all that is why people and hospitals buy alcohol wipes labeled sterile. So the manager failed to do the moral thing, many times because he was concerned about the bottom line, the gold he takes home and the trouble of loosing a pretty spouse. Here's the thing he would not have lost all the gold or the wife if he had done the right thing.
Why did I label this a Soap Box on Individual responsibility? Because the manager is not the only person with the responsibility to do the right thing! After all, manufacturing plants still have lots of humans running around. Machines do lots of the work, absolutely! People are there to clean the facility, fix the machines when the break, the radiologist in charge of nuking the products to kill germs, the worker in charge of quality control and shipping manager who gets the final product out to you the consumer. That means that there were no less than 5 separate people who knew about problems with their products. The person in charge of sanitation should have know proper and safe methods for ensuring the products produced by Triad would not become contaminated with terrible things. The maintenance worker had the responsibility to stop manufacturing if the products were not sealed correctly or being labeled correctly by the machine. The radiologist in charge of nuking the products to kill the germs that could be on the product had the responsibility to know when they were using enough to kill germs and when they were using too much. Nuking products is actually common, most of the fruits and veggies we eat are nuked before they get to the stores to prevent deadly contamination. What responsibility did quality control have? Well a whole ton! They had the responsibility to make certain all the previous jobs were done using the best practices available 100% of the time! If they walked into the manufacturing plant and people were having a buffet on manufacturing floor, then they needed to stop it and sanitize it! If they walked into the manufacturing plant and noticed a machine was not operating properly, they had the responsibility to get it fixed and check the products to see if quality was affected by it. If they sampled their products and found issues with bacterias or viruses they had the responsibility to have the product trashed and they had to have the Radiologist make adjustments. Finally, the shipping manager had the responsibility to trash bad product and recover bad product that had already shipped. Each individual had the responsibility to say this in not right, let me do the right thing. And guess what?! If they had blown the proverbial whistle, they could not be fired or demoted or otherwise punished or intimidated, because we know lots of lawyers would like to take their case so they could cash in on punitive damages.
Now I must ask, knowing all those other people also had the responsibility as an individual to do the right thing; Is it the governments job to do the right thing for us? I say no. Yes, I think the government should have done more, but it is not their job to do the right thing. The government work is there for when we, as individuals repeatedly fail to do the moral thing, the right thing, to stop terrible preventable things from happening. We don't need more government regulations or regulators, we need more people doing the right thing.
Monday, February 21, 2011
I need a break....and a pitcher of Margarita
Help I need a break. Badly. Imagine this... You hear yourself screaming at your kids, literally about everything, anything and probably somethings you just imagined happened. You have had too many days of sick, needy, whiney kids and not enough sex or rest. Your kids keep interrupting you every 2-3 minutes. Your tired, frustrated, down right PMSing and you can't seem to get a hold of your temper. I wish the kids would drink some Nyquil or Benadryl and go to sleep; no story, no "Mommy I need a drink!" No, none of that. Right now I wish my husband would get home early for work so I could just leave him with the kids, and not say a word about the terrible day and deadly short fuse I have. I would come back around 10:30pm that way the kids would definitely be asleep and I could have already had a pitcher of margarita, danced on the bar, taken a cab home, woken up in bed and not remember where the car is! That is what I want. I don't want to remember where I went to drink the night away or have anything but some random person with a cell phone picture of me being pulled off the bar by the bar-keep on a Monday night. Oh, and all the things still on the To-Do list that I never remember to write would be mysteriously done.
Controlling the urge to get some wood
Sigh.... WOke up this morning with an incredible urge to get some wood. It is not something I can explain real well, but I have this overwhelming desire to buy wood scraps and some more dog ear fence boards. I woke to this idea that I could build a small writing desk from 2 Dog Ear cedar fence boards for the table top, 1 2x2 pine board for the legs, (maybe 2 so the legs will be nice and stable), a 1 1x3 pine board for the desk skirt. I think that if you count the cost of screws $5.00, paint $5-10, clear poly for the cedar $10, and the wood I can build it for about $35-$45. Huh, in my head I thought I could build it for $20. I know if I take the time to draw it I will just have a stronger desire to go and get the pieces.
Baby is up. Now I will need to type one handed. He is upset. He has been grumpy upon waking for the last few days. His older brother, nicky is sick. The doctor last night said that he has strep and that it is highly contagious, which instantly made me feel like I had a sore throat and that I should go hide.
Baby is up. Now I will need to type one handed. He is upset. He has been grumpy upon waking for the last few days. His older brother, nicky is sick. The doctor last night said that he has strep and that it is highly contagious, which instantly made me feel like I had a sore throat and that I should go hide.