Happy Birthday.... Should you call the cops?!!

Well I am starting to think my birthday is just a bad day.  Last year my car had been broken into.  That should be one of the earliest post on this blog.  It sucked.  I spent the day calling banks, notifying all kinds of people and dealing with the Police.  This year also sucked, only much worse!

Instead of having a birthday party, which no one offered to throw for me.  I spent the day caring for two sick kids.  Yeah, I know it sucks to spend the day at home with a pukey kid, let alone two.  Both kids started the day with fevers, and christening me in their vomit.  I changed my clothes 4 times due to the festivities and bathed twice.  I did 4 loads of bedding covered in bright red vomit.  My fault, I gave my kids red Kool Aid.  Still quite gross. 

So that was bad.  And any normal person would be like that sucks!  Can I please have a do over?!  But the day got much worse.

As I write this posting I am quite confused.  I would say BEFUDDLED if the word didn't seem to be so light-hearted, but alas, I sit before you confused, flaberghasted, appalled and baffled, and befuddled. 

Sick kids is bad.  I started to feel a little sick myself this afternoon, also bad.  But it was a Tuesday, and in my house that means Cub Scouts from 6:30-8:00pm at the local church.  Today was slightly different than our usual, take the kids and supervise them as they learn Boy Things like tying knots, it was a parent meeting.  So that sounds really boring.  And I supposed if I was not an active Committee Member it would be.  I took on the role of Lake Pleasant District Council Scout-O-Rama Chair and Pack 293 Scout-O-Rama Chair, so tonight I had a lot to talk about.  Its big. Its fun.  Its a thing worth doing.  Unfortunately, I'd spent the day caring for sick kids and had forgotten all about the flyers I wanted to make, so in typical ADHD fashion I started making the flyer at 5:45pm when we need to be in the car by 6:10 and on our way.  5:45 is usually when I start getting kids and shoes paired together with anything else like jackets and dues. 

So I made my flyers.  I spoke, parents were not fans of the Assumptive Sales Plans or that volunteering for 4 hour shifts would be a bit different this year.  We talked about the goal of getting 75% of the Scouts to participate in the fundraiser and what participation qualified as.  So, I talked alot and so did some of the other parents that have been the Scout-O-Rama Chair in the past.  Before this started I had texted my husband that I wanted Carolina's for dinner.  No I never sent a message stating what dish I wanted.  The meeting had started and I was not in a position to look down and read text, as I was a presenter. 

I called when the meeting finally finished and asked if he had gotten food.  He said yes, so I went home with 2 sick kids and a very excited Cub Scout who had just learned he would be going to Camp Digalus.  I gathered my things and pushed the kids inside with the expectation of delicious mexican food for me.  Only there was no food for me.  I put my phone down on the dock station in my bedroom, as I do by a forced habit.  (I've lost my phone many times!)  I came out of the room and asked the question any other hungry birthday girl would ask, "Where's my food?"  Was I smiling? No, I was confused and famished.  Was there an air of attitude?  Possibly, but not enough to trigger what happened....

There was an explosion of rage in my house.  Not the first time this has happened, as I have told you in the past my husband has a way of simply exploding with little warning.  Having just walked in the door and still feeling a tad feverish, my eyes got huge like an animal who sees the on comming headlights of a distant car.   He screamed at me, I am sure the neighbors heard.  I yelled back, "What did I do?!!!"  He screamed more about how I didn't respond to his text message!  And how was he supposed to know I didn't eat?!! I attempted to explain what I did at the Cub Scouts Parent Meeting and how I didn't know he sent me a text because I was leading a group.  Then he ranted about how he can't respond to text messages and my phone calls at work!  (Bewildered and hungry I reached for my purse and grabbed my keys)  I said if you needed me to tell you, you should have called.  I started walking outside as He screamed more, and stammered to his food wadded it up and throw uneatten, perfectly good food in to the garbage can as if he was celebrating a game winning touch down.  Floored by the tempertantrum I continued walking out to go get myself my birthday dinner.  He Screamed wildly about how he would go get it for me.  I declined, and Said, "No, I will get my food. "

I made it to the car.  I didn't run.  But perhaps I should have.  I started the car began closing the door, when he swung it back open.  With the engine running, I buckled my seat belt and told him to leave so I could close the door.  Some very unwitty banter happened.  Then he reached across me and yanked the keys out of the ignition.  He ran.  Ran back into the house and locked the door! 

Can you believe that?  I was locked out of my own home, with my kids trapped inside.  I banged on the door, shouted about my cell phone being inside.  He briefly returned to the door to scold me like a child and slam the door again!  Left out in the cold, crying.  Unable to understand what had just happened, cold hungry.  I pleaded to let me in, but nothing.  Just the sound of my sick two year old crying. 

I went to the car, the door still unlocked, looked for a coat.  I stood there, baffled.  Angry, I left.  I began the 1 mile walk to my mothers house.  I didn't have a phone so I could not call anyone for advice.  As I approached the Circle K on the corner I considered asking them to call the Police.  Upset, I continued walking towards my mothers house.  I was one block from her house when she drove up. 

2 hours later, I am still wondering should I call the cops?  Should I go take the kids? What would you do? How do you explain this to 3 frightened kids?

conundrum

first I should say I ate some bad ravioli this morning and threw it up. Gross. I called Chef Boyardee and told them I thought that it made me sick. They apologized.

I found a job yesterday. Not the traditional here is your paycheck type of job. Insurance sales. Actually sounds a lot like my dream job. Don't stay in the office, get to go out and see customers, potential to make lots of cash. Advancement opportunity. the option to grow into additional products to increase money earned. Flexible hours. But the rest is all hard work. You must rely on yourself, there is no guaranteed paycheck from the company, just commissions for business closed.

This morning I received a call back from quicken loans, but I was too sick to answer the call. It sounded potentially good. Possibility that I may weigh two jobs and have a choice about how much risk I want to take to earn some income for my household.

Also kinda stressed, as this is the last week my husband will have a paycheck. So what little money we have left in our savings account will go to pay rent and buy some gas for the car. What will we do when it runs out? No idea. My Mom is out of town as of today so if we need serious amounts of cash to keep the gas tank full or the car dies, I haven't a clue as to how we will fill that need. Scary.

So do I study for the license I need to sell insurance or do I wait for Pamela Smith from Quicken Loans to call me back again. We all know how much fun phone tag is, so maybe I will send her a quick email. Perhaps she is busy, and maybe she has good news that will create the conundrum all job seekers want: having to tell someone no, I took another offer.

tired.

Hi.

You might remember me from a few weeks ago.  I was very stressed out about surgery, my husband returning to school and what it would mean for his current job and our only income at the moment.  I was also stressed about getting my son seen and evaluated for ADHD.  I vaguely remember other things like wanting an iPad 2, which I still don't have.

Today I am very tired.  It has already been 2 weeks since surgery, which seems to have gone well.  My husband took off some days from work, which we can't actually afford, but was really needed.  I am able to move again, play with my kids and off pain medication.  That is not why I am tired.  I am tired, I am wondering what my relationship is with my family, should I have more of a relationship with them or is what I got far too much?

I know everyone has family issues.  Everyone has people with issues, both mental mostly medical and those that are from bad choices or behavior.  It seems lately my family is troubled.  If you are my family and your reading this then you know about recent arrests, general association with the wrong crowds, bad relationships and I mean violent in every way, bad health, preventable deaths, financial troubles, mostly all the bad things.

So why so tired?  A personal crisis and a set of family crisis.  Monday was a rather bad day.  But it all started last week.  Last week an older, but still young man in my family past away and was buried on Saturday.  Saturday night a pair of my cousins went for a ride in a stolen car.  One hangs on for life the other is expected to live, recover fully, I don't know.  It is hard being alienated from my family because I found out about the crisis with my cousins Monday evening about 5pm.  That alone was rough, be ware of family messages posted on Facebook, they may bring awful news.  So the personal cries also happened just before 5pm.  My husbands work van broke down.  He is the owner of the vehicle and no the person he works for does not care that the van does not work, he is not going to help us fix it or provide a temporary work vehicle, so now my husband can't work.

I stayed at the hospital a while Monday night, not knowing what was happening or what my role should be I sat in the ICU waiting room.  It was reported that I was the calmest person there.  Not certain that was true.  I think I might have been the most distracted there, possibly that was confused for calmness.  I returned home late last night and for the fourth night in a row had trouble going to sleep.  My eyes are puffy, dry, heavy, dull, lifeless.  My reaction time is no existent.  I remembered to take my baby to his wellness doctors appointment this morning, though we were late and the doc was annoyed.  I stopped by the hospital since I was kinda close after the doc appointment, and found that small children are not welcome in ICU.  I waited around awhile, but I did not find any cousins or aunts in the waiting room this time so I did not see my cousins though I want too.  I hear Star is doing better, but has not been told her brother is in bad shape.  And he was when I saw him late last night.  He seemed too young to be so gravely injured, yet strangely did not seem to have more then a mere scratch on his arm.

I tried to sleep this afternoon when I returned.  My husband is rather upset and stressed about the work vehicle issue.  I can't get more then a few harsh words out of him today.  I tried a few minutes ago to start a spaghetti dinner and was told he did not want spaghetti.  I asked about some drumsticks, which I was told to never buy again because he can't tell if they are cooked all the way.  So I stopped making the dinner and asked what he wanted but never got an answer.  I started writing this.  This made him angry.  He started making the spaghetti dinner I was going to make after slamming around the dirty dishes.

So I am tired.  Wonder if I will sleep finally.  Wonder if I should be closer to my family, should they have my telephone number?  Do I belong in an ICU waiting room or far away in my usually isolation? Just tired.  My eyes are burning.

high anxiety

I apologize for not updating this blog for the last couple of weeks.  It has been rather busy around here.  At least I have been more productive the last few weeks.  I have the garden planted and remembered to water it.  I have restocked the pantry and I am quite happy about that.  I still think there is nothing to eat around here though, so I have spent too many meals in the drive thru.

I have not been calm in days.  I am really nervous.  There is so much happening, lots of things need to change.  It seems that in order for my hubby to go back to school he will either need a new job or I will need to go to work myself.  Both are scary.  I don't know what to do.

I finally got my tax return.  Glad and overwhelming. what do I do with the money?  Everyone is out of iPad 2.  The van still works, so we don't have an immediate need to get a new truck for hubby to work, but he might go to school so, it starts to get complicated.  If we wait too long to get a new truck and he keeps working, he won't be able to work because the Van will need to be fixed, likely costly.

So I was productive the last couple of weeks, I got doctors appointments made and I arrived on time.  I got my cough under control, though I still find it startling that it was an Acid Reflux problem.  I had an appointment with a surgeon about my hernia and will have it fixed next week.  Finally finished skimming a book about ADHD.  THe surgery is kinda scary, not sure if it is scarier then me going to work or my husband finding a new job and going to school.  I also got by 4 year old in to see a counselor after his parent teacher conference showed mixed results.  It seems it is likely my ADHD is inherited and that my early trouble learning to read and just learn may be a problem he also has.  Unfortunately the school tells me that they don't screen for ADHD and most learning disabilities will not be screened for until mid Kindergarten.  That is just too long to wait for help.

My tummy has been bothering me.  Gassy and constipated, or is it anxiety?  Could be the combo.  Been thinking about how to pay the kids allowance, but not really had a conversation with my hubby about what he wants or thinks about allowance.  I hate making these decisions on my own.  What are the rules on paying kids allowance?  Should I pay him for just chores or should he get some cash just because?  If you have an answer please share your impute. Generally I feel very bloated.

Pretty sure my hubby is stressed out right now but I need him here!  I don't know where he went.  We saw the school counselor at DeVry today.  It is a program he is interested in, but the whole change job thing is just too stressful for me too.  Also still have not figured out who is taking me to hospital on Tuesday, who is taking the kids to school and who is watching the baby....  I'm I supposed to take a cab to the hospital? Not sure.  I don't think he will be able to get the day off from work, no he can't go in late, because his employer is stupid and will not schedule him any route if he is not there at 7 am.  No he does not get sick days or anything as generous as that, so what to do?  My stepmom is off on Tuesdays.  My mom works, her friend is usually available but she is not a morning person at all.

If that made you stressed out just reading it, sorry.  Can't think clearly right now, I am very tense and considering taking the anxiety medication that I have left over somewhere in the house.  At least I think I still have it.  I should go fold some laundry.  grrr

Soap Box on Individual Responsibility

So I am sitting on my couch.  The TV is on and there is another commercial for an injury lawyer; then the news returns and there another story of someones stupidity, of some preventable injury or death.  Everyday. While I have not traveled the world, I am certain theses things are not only American happenings.  What I am about to say is going to be offensive to many people and someday I might wish I never wrote my opinion about how people have a duty to do the right thing, not that is not just a Scouting message.  Yes, my kids do participate in Cub Scouts and I was briefly a Girl Scout, even selling yummy cookie.


Today I read an update to the death of a little boy due to tainted alcohol wipes.  My heart hurts for the loss of these parents, they should not have had to go through the terrible heartache or the agonizing misery of filing a lawsuit against Triad Products.  Their loss was enough.  The terrible fact of how their son contracted a deadly bacterial infection would have been crushing enough for me, but they are doing the right thing by standing up and letting us know what terrible things this company has done.  They are right to hold the company accountable in both the court of public opinion and the court of law.

The update to the story states that FDA inspectors knew about the issues this company had with sanitation, sterilization, orderly records, and maintenance of manufacturing equipment as far back as 2009.  That looks really, really bad to say the least.  Worse is that the government did not issue "official letters" or file paperwork to stop production of products.  Yes, FDA has the authority to write you a formal letter saying you need to correct some issues for the safety and health of all mankind, but they did not.  The government regulator at the FDA noted that the company promised to correct the known issues.

Of course the company did not correct the issues.  If they did I would not have anything to  write about right now.  What happen?  Corporate greed.  At least that is my opinion that is what happened.  Should we be surprised?  If you say no we should not be surprised, I think you are wrong!  Do you remember the corporate greed scandals of Enron, Arthur Anderson, Halliburton, Firestone Tires, World Com, or AIG; did we learn anything about individual responsibility during any of them?  Certainly, in each case there was at least one person who knew about the atrocities and did absolutely nothing to stop it because it would look bad on a balance sheet.  These people who wanted more money for themselves and their "investors" did not do the moral thing and it cost people lives, financial security and the trust of future generations.

Lets face it, if you go to Business School, management in particular, you are taught to maximize the bottom line and that if you fail to do it, there are 10 others waiting outside to take your job.  Yes, Business Schools teach that.  They teach us that business is ruthless, cut throat and full of gold and pretty spouses if we rise to the task.  Of course your pretty spouse will leave you if you stop bring in the gold.  At least that is what you are told will happen in business school.  As a result of all this bad philosophy taught in Business School, managers do really bad things, immoral things, things not just Christianity says are wrong, but all religions I have ever learned about.  Greed and Envy and Pride can be really terrible things if you let them.

So back to Triad Products....  Yes, the managers had a moral obligation to do the right thing.  They had the responsibility to make certain its products were "sterile" and safe.  After all that is why people and hospitals buy alcohol wipes labeled sterile.  So the manager failed to do the moral thing, many times because he was concerned about the bottom line, the gold he takes home and the trouble of loosing a pretty spouse.  Here's the thing he would not have lost all the gold or the wife if he had done the right thing.

Why did I label this a Soap Box on Individual responsibility?  Because the manager is not the only person with the responsibility to do the right thing!  After all, manufacturing plants still have lots of humans running around.  Machines do lots of the work, absolutely!  People are there to clean the facility, fix the machines when the break, the radiologist in charge of nuking the products to kill germs, the worker in charge of quality control and shipping manager who gets the final product out to you the consumer.  That means that there were no less than 5 separate people who knew about problems with their products.  The person in charge of sanitation should have know proper and safe methods for ensuring the products produced by Triad would not become contaminated with terrible things.  The maintenance worker had the responsibility to stop manufacturing if the products were not sealed correctly or being labeled correctly by the machine.  The radiologist in charge of nuking the products to kill the germs that could be on the product had the responsibility to know when they were using enough to kill germs and when they were using too much.  Nuking products is actually common, most of the fruits and veggies we eat are nuked before they get to the stores to prevent deadly contamination.  What responsibility did quality control have?  Well a whole ton!  They had the responsibility to make certain all the previous jobs were done using the best practices available 100% of the time!  If they walked into the manufacturing plant and people were having a buffet on manufacturing floor, then they needed to stop it and sanitize it!  If they walked into the manufacturing plant and noticed a machine was not operating properly, they had the responsibility to get it fixed and check the products to see if quality was affected by it.  If they sampled their products and found issues with bacterias or viruses they had the responsibility to have the product trashed and they had to have the Radiologist make adjustments.  Finally, the shipping manager had the responsibility to trash bad product and recover bad product that had already shipped.  Each individual had the responsibility to say this in not right, let me do the right thing.  And guess what?!  If they had blown the proverbial whistle, they could not be fired or demoted or otherwise punished or intimidated, because we know lots of lawyers would like to take their case so they could cash in on punitive damages.

Now I must ask, knowing all those other people also had the responsibility as an individual to do the right thing; Is it the governments job to do the right thing for us?  I say no.  Yes, I think the government should have done more, but it is not their job to do the right thing.  The government work is there for when we, as individuals repeatedly fail to do the moral thing, the right thing, to stop terrible preventable things from happening.  We don't need more government regulations or regulators, we need more people doing the right thing.

I need a break....and a pitcher of Margarita

Help I need a break.  Badly.  Imagine this... You hear yourself screaming at your kids, literally about everything, anything and probably somethings you just imagined happened.  You have had too many days of sick, needy, whiney kids and not enough sex or rest.  Your kids keep interrupting you every 2-3 minutes.  Your tired, frustrated, down right PMSing and you can't seem to get a hold of your temper.    I wish the kids would drink some Nyquil or Benadryl and go to sleep; no story, no "Mommy I need a drink!"  No, none of that.  Right now I wish my husband would get home early for work so I could just leave him with the kids, and not say a word about the terrible day and deadly short fuse I have. I would come back around 10:30pm that way the kids would definitely be asleep and I could have already had a pitcher of margarita, danced on the bar, taken a cab home, woken up in bed and not remember where the car is!  That is what I want.  I don't want to remember where I went to drink the night away or have anything but some random person with a cell phone picture of me being pulled off the bar by the bar-keep on a Monday night.  Oh, and all the things still on the To-Do list that I never remember to write would be mysteriously done.

Kids Sick again.

What is it with this years cold and flu season?  Is is me or are your kids getting sick again and again?  It seems like it at my house.  3 kids and 2 are definitely sick.  One a mild flu?  The other stomach flu or is it turning into Strep Throat?  The school sent home another letter warning us that a kid has contracted strep.

Nicky and Danny cuddle while sick

Disappointed that I just deep cleaned the kids bedroom carpet.  I think Nicky is destined to throw up on the carpet and not in the bathroom.  Hey, he is 4.  Also disappointed about cleaning the couch.  I go weeks without having anything spilled on the couch and decide to have it steamed, 24 hours later, kids yogurt hits the seat.    

On the brighter side I finally finished catching up the checkbook.  I now know how much money I can't spend because it is not there.  Disappointing.  Now I  can do all the paper chores, like paying for the Cooking Club subscription and I am not sure, shredding stuff?  Still waiting for husbands third W-2 so we can file.