Did I really sleep last night?D

I have been wondering around for days in a fog.  Today I am wondering if I am actually sleeping.  Did I sleep last night?  I can't say for sure.  I know I laid down in bed.  I know I stared at the clock many times last night.  I know that I every time I seem to get to sleep I am startled awake.

Take a nap, fall asleep, husband opens door to bedroom to get socks.  Scared the begibize out of me.  I could not go back to sleep.

Baby wakes up.  Not really fair to call him a baby since he is nearly two, but he started sleeping in his room, but he still wakes up in the middle of the night.  I got up and brought him to my bed, it was already 5:45 am.

Finally back asleep...  Husband enters room frantically searching for his truck keys!  Where did I put them he asked.  Like I misplaced them.  And yes I often misplace things I pick up, like his keys, but I swore I put them back on the hook.  I got out of bed, checked the hamper, searched every pocket, could not remember what clothes I wore last! He suddenly leaves the apartment, but did not tell me if he found the keys.  I look out the window, he is not in the truck.

Where the hell did he go?  For a walk, he went to look for the keys in the grassy area near the kids bus stop.  Oh, great I did not misplace the keys, he did.  And now I can't go back to sleep.

high anxiety

I apologize for not updating this blog for the last couple of weeks.  It has been rather busy around here.  At least I have been more productive the last few weeks.  I have the garden planted and remembered to water it.  I have restocked the pantry and I am quite happy about that.  I still think there is nothing to eat around here though, so I have spent too many meals in the drive thru.

I have not been calm in days.  I am really nervous.  There is so much happening, lots of things need to change.  It seems that in order for my hubby to go back to school he will either need a new job or I will need to go to work myself.  Both are scary.  I don't know what to do.

I finally got my tax return.  Glad and overwhelming. what do I do with the money?  Everyone is out of iPad 2.  The van still works, so we don't have an immediate need to get a new truck for hubby to work, but he might go to school so, it starts to get complicated.  If we wait too long to get a new truck and he keeps working, he won't be able to work because the Van will need to be fixed, likely costly.

So I was productive the last couple of weeks, I got doctors appointments made and I arrived on time.  I got my cough under control, though I still find it startling that it was an Acid Reflux problem.  I had an appointment with a surgeon about my hernia and will have it fixed next week.  Finally finished skimming a book about ADHD.  THe surgery is kinda scary, not sure if it is scarier then me going to work or my husband finding a new job and going to school.  I also got by 4 year old in to see a counselor after his parent teacher conference showed mixed results.  It seems it is likely my ADHD is inherited and that my early trouble learning to read and just learn may be a problem he also has.  Unfortunately the school tells me that they don't screen for ADHD and most learning disabilities will not be screened for until mid Kindergarten.  That is just too long to wait for help.

My tummy has been bothering me.  Gassy and constipated, or is it anxiety?  Could be the combo.  Been thinking about how to pay the kids allowance, but not really had a conversation with my hubby about what he wants or thinks about allowance.  I hate making these decisions on my own.  What are the rules on paying kids allowance?  Should I pay him for just chores or should he get some cash just because?  If you have an answer please share your impute. Generally I feel very bloated.

Pretty sure my hubby is stressed out right now but I need him here!  I don't know where he went.  We saw the school counselor at DeVry today.  It is a program he is interested in, but the whole change job thing is just too stressful for me too.  Also still have not figured out who is taking me to hospital on Tuesday, who is taking the kids to school and who is watching the baby....  I'm I supposed to take a cab to the hospital? Not sure.  I don't think he will be able to get the day off from work, no he can't go in late, because his employer is stupid and will not schedule him any route if he is not there at 7 am.  No he does not get sick days or anything as generous as that, so what to do?  My stepmom is off on Tuesdays.  My mom works, her friend is usually available but she is not a morning person at all.

If that made you stressed out just reading it, sorry.  Can't think clearly right now, I am very tense and considering taking the anxiety medication that I have left over somewhere in the house.  At least I think I still have it.  I should go fold some laundry.  grrr

Is it working?!

Is the new dose of Adderall working?  I think so.  At first I did not think the new dose had any affect on me.  I mean, I was a whole bunch calmer, but that could simply be that PMS has left this nest for the next 3-4 weeks.

I actually made it on time to all scheduled events on Saturday, even a bit early.

 I managed not to throw a fit when all the pigs took all the food at the Cub Scouts Blue and Gold Banquet Saturday night leaving my family with a single piece of chicken, a few crumbs from a bag of chips and some diet Rosmary Sweet Potatoes.  That is big, I watched the first 2 rows of tables, each with about 50 people take heaping scoops of Mac and Cheese, Green Beans, Salad, Bread, Scalloped potatoes and other yummy comfort foods.  Not nice.  I mean did these people not see all the people and the lack of food because they did not bring in food, even though they were required to bring a dish? Pigs, rude fat pigs!

Sunday was a leap on the task list.  Still not organized in any way.  Still not prioritizing correctly the things that need to be done, bought, cleaned or tossed.  But I made a leap.  I rearranged my closet.  We have been using it to store extra toilet paper and toiletries from my coupon hoarding days in January.  I fixed the pile that had happened on the shelfs.  I also cleaned the tool box, organized it, and then tackled the fasteners box.  Did you know that was insane?  Who organizes their fasteners?  I don't but I felt compelled to put them all in their place once I started.

No, I am not SuperMom.  I failed to cook dinner.  I fed the kids left over pizza from their Sunday afternoon playmate.  I fed their Dad, left over chicken fajita stuff with some microwave rice. Can't remember what I ate, other then it did not taste good.

What is for dinner today?  Not sure, I know I need eggs, something else, and to pay the electric bill.  I know that there are other things I should be remembering but all I can remember is the eggs.  Eggs.

Overwhelmed, again...

So, I know it has been nearly three weeks since I posted any thoughts on anything.  I must tell you it has been a rather overwhelming three weeks.  

My list of anxiety causing events:

Cub Scouts poor communication

Laundry

Stinky Dog Ears

Rising cost of Meat and Fresh Produce

Freezing temperatures

Actually loosing weight

Husband goes to dentist for the first time in 8 years

Astroid to hit earth 2029, 2036

Potty Training

Treasure hunting

Coupons!

Grocery Sales

Health Care and fear of loosing it in June

Dishes, dishes, dishes

Balancing the checkbook

finding a desk to put my things on

Increasing amount of email

iTouch 2.0 or iPhone

growth spurts of children

no ice cream in the house

Okay it really could go on for another 10,000 items, but these are the things that are on my mind right this second.  If you can't fathom all that on the mind at once then you are not a Mom or ADD!  The mind of Pamela O is always this busy and random. 

Cub Scouts, while a potential way to help my son get a college scholarship and great for building basic organization and self confidence skills is very bad with communication.  Perhaps it is not lack of communication but over communication.  I personally can not handle 10-15 emails in a week about 3 or 15 different events and important things we should know.  I think maybe they should simply send out an email on Wednesday or Thursday right after our weekly meeting.  If it was important simply send out one email of all the things that came from the Weekly meetings and all the announcements that come from the all the sports venders that want our dollars.  I really can't handle all the emails!

On Laundry...  This never ending chore is my nemesis!  What is it about boys and them making several pairs of dirty clothes each day.  Why do they need to throw clean clothes in the dirty basket.  Aye, digress.

Stinky Dog Ears!  Oh how I wish I could pay for a visit to the Vet!  This poor dog has stinky ears, and really for the last few years!  Why can't what ever causes the smell in the ear just die!  The problem with being poor and managing money badly....

Then there is this: rising cost of meat!  Why does it now cost $20.00 for 2 t-bone steaks?  Maybe it cost that before.  I've never actually bought such a lavish item.  It sounded so sexy.  Dinner for two, T-bone steaks, rice, salad, beer and margaritas.  After buying it, it is just ridiculously expensive.  So the cost of hamburger, something I regularly buy, is now 3.99 to 5.99 a pound.  I really want a sale, but if one doesn't come on Wednesday I will take my Safeway raincheck for 1.99 extra lean ground meat.  Why does meat cost more?  Can't say.  I know why fruits and veggies cost more.  It is cold so it all comes from Argentina and Chile which cost something ridiculous to ship to AZ.  I really do like strawberries, just don't want to pay 4.99 a pound.

It has been cold in Phoenix, AZ.  Okay so it is not Michigan cold, there is not snow, at least not in my yard, but it has been below freezing an afoul lot lately.  It is normally wonderful in Phoenix this time of year, about 50 in the evenings and 65+ in the day.  This year it has been below freezing at least 15 days in my neighborhood, and close to that many more days.  That means a higher electric bill.  I have a pre-paid electric box, that means when the weather man says it will be 22 degrees on Wednesday, I need to go add money to keep the house warm.  The difference between fabulous Phoenix winter days and wholly shit it's cold is $6.00+ a day.  A regular day, $3.50.  A freezing day, $10.00. 

So loosing weight is great! Until your pants starts falling off your hips, and your T-shirts turn into moo-moos!  Did you know that there is not any alteration shops around me?  You remember supply and demand?  Wow, I think I am going to do my alterations after this, $130.00 for 5 pair of pants and 4 shirts.  Okay they are jeans and knit shirts, but still it is expensive, and I should probably add most of the pants were way too long and I just ignored it because I would need to take them in for alterations, which is expensive.

So my husband finally went to the dentist.  The last time he went to the dentist he was in the Marine Corps, 2002.  You bet he had cavities.  Why did he finally go, even though we have no money to pay the dentist?  It hurt.  

Astroid to come near earth, Friday, April 15th, 2029.  I am sure it will be Thirteen Hundred Hours when it happens too.  Nasa and Russia claim this astroid will come so close that it will actually fly under our satellites.  Worse still, we do not have any Space Ships to go out into outer space and try to stop it!  Why is this so important, I mean, really, it is just near Earth.  Well, glad you asked!  It is predicted to return to Earth in 2036 and scientist are not certain if Earth's own gravity will cause it to collide into Earth or push it off into space.  Now I bet you see why the government should spend Money on NASA, and why we should be teaching math and science in our schools.  God gave us means to do it, so lets do it.  I would like to be  older than 55 when I die.  Of course this is all null and void if the world ends in 2012.

So now I must stop this typing and go fold the laundry and do all the other things I still have not vented about.