She said what?!!!

I really thought that was some myth. I mean a social worker would not suggest such a thing, ever! It goes against some code of conduct right?!

So I visited a Social Worker today. She was nice, very rushed and obviously overworked. She also is underpaid according to what she claims to make per month. She tried to help. I think she is sincere. She did not have any suggestions on what resources one can use in my situation, so she called on a colleague that said something that is just pain WTF! After listening to the predicament I face about being on State Assistance and my problem with how I must find a Full Time Job with benefits that pays well enough to make up the deficit I will face and pay for child care she said I should tell DES that my husband and I split up.

Now don't get me wrong, there are days when he is grumpy and I am grumpy and that sounds like a great idea. The reality is even though I don't agree with him, and I often wish he did more, made more, participated more or what have you; I can't actually tell you what more of any it he could realistically do that would somehow make life so much less stressful and make all of us that much happier. I don't know what it is that could change it. No I am not stuck in some bad relationship, I am in a real world adult relationship, and the part that matters is just dandy with me. I don't think the part that matters can somehow be so much better, if I did then I suppose that crazy suggestion might make sense.

What the social worker thought telling DES we split would do is: first we would continue to get food stamps and health care when he went to school full time, we would then be eligible for cash assistance to pay for necessities like electricity, we would become eligible for section 8 housing assistance-though she said the wait was really long, we would also become eligible for child care subsidy so I could go to school or work or both, and that I would then possibly be eligible for some single mom to work programs. While many of these things sound great and I really would like to receive child care assistance so I could work and he can go to school, lying...

Really? That is the best option in here opinion. And I am not sure why either. Doing that does not actually improve our situation. In fact it just prolongs how long we stay in abject poverty and dependent on tax payers. Though the system is not exactly set up to get you on your feet and into the black, either. FYI; doing what she suggested just means that the State would then try to pursue my husband for the cash assistance when he does find another job while he attends school or even after he graduated. So it really does prolong how long you stay poor.

I just wonder why their is not some sorta gap filler so you can actually get off the system permanently. I know that finding a job is a great idea; but if I can't afford to feed my family or pay for child care so I can work, that I will just end up falling right back into the system and instead of grudgingly accepting medical insurance for the good of my children, I will end up demanding so much more because we will literally be forced onto the streets to meet the requirements and still be a whole family. If I can't find a job that pays enough for us to eat, have shelter, have electricity for heating and cooling, cover children's daycare expenses, the cost of getting to work by car, the cost of insuring the car, cover medical expenses and maybe a little extra for some fun, we will end up broke, on the street (living in our car), needing immediate emergency family housing, emergency food assistance, emergency cash assistance and possibly forcing the state to pay Foster Care expenses so our children can be in a safe place and not sleeping in the car. All of that is much more expensive then helping us fill in a gap or finding a resource that can help us manage.

And all the neigh sayers will say things like find cheaper housing, get rid of the car, the car insurance, don't heat or cool your home, and leave my children in a dangerous environment because I can't afford to higher someone who can keep them safe while we are away. Right, Lets see them leave their child in a meth house so they can go to work, because it is all they can afford. Let me see them find SAFE, CLEAN, housing that is close to a school that is actually teaching children to succeed. Okay right, when I can find a Cheap, Safe, Clean home that has a school I can trust that also happens to be on a bus line, with everything in walking distance I will give up the car. Unfortunately, I have not found a place that exists. Nor have I found a job near that imaginary place. So until then I will need a car to get the kids to school, daycare and myself to work and my husband can take the bus to school. Not that him taking the city bus to school would make a significant dent in family finances since it would still cost about $50.00 a month for the pass and significantly increase the amount of time the children need to be in childcare, thus increasing that expense more than the savings in gas and insurance. Maybe if the car he had needed a major overhaul....but it doesn't so, financially it doesn't add up to get rid of his vehicle as it doesn't save time or money.

That is what this all comes down to. Time. And Money. It takes time for a family to land safely on its feet after suffering a few financial set backs. And it takes money to afford the things that keep them from falling back again.

So the nice social worker felt awful because she could not provide any assistance that would help us up and out of the conundrum we face, and she was right to feel that way. I feel that way. What am I supposed to do? How can we as a family stay together? How can we stay afloat until we have finished our educations that barely hold any promise of a better paying job? I don't have an answer. I just know I will find a job, I will find health care benefits and I will find child care, I just don't know if I can afford going to work for less than 35K. Could you feed and shelter a family of 5 for that? Could you do it for less and still have the safe feeling in your belly when you leave for work each day?

If you have ideas on how to manage this problem, please share. Not only could it help me, and I am asking for it, it could help others that read this some day. :)