Southwest Gas rate hike of 7.7 percent OK'd by regulators

Southwest Gas rate hike of 7.7 percent OK'd by regulators

This makes me angry and I don't even have a Gas Bill! THis is crazy. The state regulators of energy decided to allow a raise in the cost of Natural Gas purchased through Southwest Gas of nearly 8%! Why? Oh because of greater use of energy efficient appliances they are not selling as much Natural Gas as they used to! How about they get better at cutting cost and using the resources they have? And why such a large hike? Why can't it just increase yearly with the rate of local or national inflation. Hitting folk with that large of a hike is crazy! When I had Southwest Gas in the old house it was nearly $200 a month an 8% increase adds up, really, really fast. It may not seem like a whole bunch, at 7.7% on a $200.00 month bill is just $15.54. Of course there happen to 12 months in a year, so that is just under $200 extra a year per household for Southwest Gas.

How the day was spent

So. Well. Huh.  I guess those are the words I like best. 


I thought I was gonna do something.  Not sure what, I was gonna do because I did not have a plan.  Though this was not it.  The day started with a terrific headache.  It turns out 2+ glasses of wine are not that good for me.  They make me uckey!  I can't remember the last time I was hung over, and now I hope that I can forget this one and never do it again. Of course everytime we people drink too much we always say I will never do that again.  No I did not throw up.  I just had an awful headach that took hours and several Exedrines to clear up. 

I learned today that Cub Scouts has changed back to Tuesdays.  Which is a good thing.  Those Thursdays were starting to get too stressful due to conflicting demands.  I am a tad bit crazy, I am sure you are nodding your head to that one.  I volunteered for a Chair position with the Grand Canyon Boy Scouts.  I am absolutely certain I am in over my head.  I just don't know how much.  Since that required me to be somewhere else at the same time I was supposed to be supervising my kids while my Bear Cub participated on Thursday nights.  This is really a good thing for me.  I also had our Cub Scout Pack 293 Parent Committee Meetings 1 Thursday a month, also at the same time as the den meeting.  So I think its really good. 

I Spent my day chasing a toddler with a head cold who thought it was a great idea to run in the sprinklers in 50 degree weather while dragging a long haired dog.  Yeah, the dog really enjoyed that, ( totally sarcastic).


Then I finally remembered to take my antidepressant, which I have started to see some improvement from.  Its not gonna change me, its just gonna help kick me out of bed and into the shower a few hours earlier and possibly more than once in a week.  I took that.  I made lunch for the soaked toddler and blow dryed the fluffy and smelly dog.  Wished it was warmer. 

Got the toddler to take a nap, though I fell asleep with him for a while.  Then finally checked the emails I wanted to check hours earlier.  Realized that the Cub Scouts Den meeting had been changed, and that I have a doctors appointment Wednesday morning.  Checked up with my Boy Scout Executive to learn what I needed to do for Thursday night.  Found out I will be speaking publicly about Scout O Rama which happens in April.  Prayed for sanity.  Edited the Scout-O-Rama video so ti would only run 1 minute instead of 4 minutes.  Then made the 8 year old cook hot dogs for dinner so we could go to the Cub Scouts Den Meeting.  Go.  Go. Go. 

Sleep.  No.  Still want to do a thousand things.  If only I could remember what they were so I could plan for tommorow.

sigh

yada, yada, yada. 

Oh how I wish this thing was just connected directly to my brain.  Then it would be updated all the time.  So many things I have wanted to write about and I even had good drafts in my head, but alas, that is how ADHD works. 

What seems so simple and easy for others, like just sitting down and tying a good know for your sneakers is just not simple for us.  As you may have already guessed I am still full of self doubt and pity.  Can't seem to shake the depressed feeling or the constant overwhelming anxiety.  All the time, that constant paranoia feeling you are just doing it wrong.  Absolutely positive everyone hates you for your behavior.  No matter how you try you just can't hide that you underneath all the well meaning "yes, I can".  Somehow you just don't meet the expectations of others, let alone yourself. 

Why is it that today expectations are constantly in flux?  Shouldn't things be predictable?  I know I am not predictable!  But anyway, what is normal?  I know its not what the media reports...  Does everyone feel this way?  Does everyone have trouble remembering where they put the keys?  Or that the water boiling on the stove needs to be attended to?  Don't all parents forget to change a dirty diaper once in a while?  Or forget to feed the pets?

Everyone else seems to have it all together.  That drives me insane!!  I want to know what I want so I can go get it.  I want to remember to take the dog for a walk or do that thing I can't remember I wanted to do. Of course I will remember when I am 10 miles a way, late for what ever it is, when the baby needs to be changed from the stinky diaper and the 5 year old is screaming about how the baby hit him and the 8 year old is busy being the parent, not to mention we are in the car, so I can't possibly write it down.  So I drive repeating to myself that thing I wanted to do, repeatedly and unknowingly cutting other drivers off, screaming, "shut up!  I can't drive with all this noise", and forgetting we were going somewhere specific which we were late to, and parking the car in front of my house because I lost the garage remote again. 

So how

Do you convince a new boss that they are that tiny push over the edge and that it can be changed?  Don't know.  I didn't succeed, so instead I will have to figure out how to change so that is not the thing that pushes me over the edge.

Not sure how one explains something that is all in your head to someone who doesn't have it all in their head....  Huh.  So, new job looks like it is a perfect fit, and I still believe it really is the perfect job.  It is the job I was intended to do, I know, God has been giving me clues for years, but now I am stuck in the mire of generalized anxiety disorder and an obvious dip back into the deep end of the depression pool.  Its hard to explain what you feel when just breathing seems like an overwhelming challenge when the person you want to understand seem just so perfectly capable of handling things the world has dealt.  It does not seem like my boss is the one covered in monkey pooh.  Somehow his monkey is obedient or just has really bad aim.

So I work on my plan.  If you don't have a focus problem creating a plan on the go, that deals with long term forecasting and goal setting is probably something you can handle between phone calls, dirty diapers, parent teacher conferences, and urgent family needs.  But if you have that problem of controlling Your Elephant-read that in a book called Switch, I highly recommend people in charge of others read that, maybe you need to decided what you want the elephant to do before you get on.  So that leads me to a really long drawn out business plan, with numbers, and statements about what strengths I have; at a time when I feel like I have none.  Statements about what the future could look like with a bit of effort, you know the stuff that requires you to get off the couch, maybe answer the phone, check some emails and go out and meet some new people.  Mostly it requires me to know what I want, know what that looks like and know how I will know I have achieved that.  All a tall order, but I believe critical for me to actually do what my boss desires, a smiling productive agent that is not as stressed out as I am right now.

So, I guess this was my break.  I should get back to the process of saying what I want, so I can figure out how to get it and declare when I have succeeded.  

Ahhhhhh!

hello bereft....

would love to contact you and chat a bit on the difficulties of love and all the really important life stuff.

actually been thinking about it awhile, but an old devil called generalized anxiety has been plaguing me of late.  

I noticed that your not listed as a follower or was it registered user..?  Anyway I can't contact you because of one of those reasons.

Everyone else;

Yeah I haven't been keeping this up very well lately.  Yes, I started a new job.  I really like the job.  As I was telling bereft, this old devil I used to know has possessed me.  Things are difficult enough in general, even with out ADHD, but that whole anxiety thing is quite paralyzing.  Actually, looked at all the drugs underneath my sink and couldn't decide which one to try again, or if I should just take some benadryl, or call my family doc, or the clinic that provides the ADHD medication, which then lead me to wonder why I had an extra bottle of Adderall ER and Adderall under there.  Have I been missing the doses that often?  Did I somehow get my script filled twice?  What the hell?  Why was I freaking out 2 months ago because I was running out?  Was it always there?  I know I miss it a couple of times a month, but I take it with the birth control and the little blister pack shows only a few missed ones!?
So then their is trying to explain what an anxiety disorder is to new people, new people I work with, who instead of being helpful actually became so overwhelming that looking at emails, the ringing cell phone, that beeping text message, just made me hide; not want to hide, actually hide.  How do you explain it when their is no logic?  And then you go and screw other things up like a friendship, because your trying to express how envious you are of their situation, which they think just sucks, and make them all mad.  Dude, don't think she liked me very much or even accepted that I tried to apologize, or understood I wasn't being mean, just trying to say how very lucky she really was, because if she had experienced what I had she wouldn't think I was being condescending, or whatever she thought.  Gees, this sucks.  How do you explain that to people?  How do you apologize for something that you don't actually have control over?  How do you explain that even if you could take a pill to make it all go away, you would need to wait until the next available appointment at the clinic--which is a very long, long, time from now.  Sure, you can try and tell me just say your sorry, but reality is ADHD makes things difficult for co-workers and anxiety just makes you seem like a non-caring ass-hole because you can't answer the phone.  Never mind, that you haven't slept or eaten anything of substance for weeks, and just now figured that out, or that you literally threw up when they called and you ignored the quacking ring that was just too cute a few weeks ago.  Yes, I already know I just can't do anything right.  I get it.  My marriage sucks, I can't manage working, I can't manage housework, I can't afford to feed the family now that food stamps were taken away.  That was something I wanted, I wanted to stand on my own two feed and be rid of the State Welfare system.  Yeah, but now I am freaking out!  How do you feed a family, when you don't actually have a steady paycheck, you owe possibly thousands to a babysitter, but are so stressed by just knowing you owe money that you can't add it up to find out how bad it really is?!!  You say yeah just take a Valium and sleep on it.  I so would if I had them or the courage to just take a little magic pill.  Oh, and I read a book, one given to me by Parent Partners, who help people manage the social worker and education system so that things they need are taken care of, like an IEP for a kid, or speech therapy.  The book was the Jenny McCarthy book,  Louder than Words, which really made me feel even more guilty about what I missed along the way, things that you know would have or should have made me say hey this is what is wrong and why I think my kid needs some help before its too late!  Yeah, I felt very guilty, angry, though I eagerly read the whole book in a few hours.  I didn't feel joy, I picked up on all the bad things parents with children who aren't quite normal go through, like the avoiding friends-until they aren't friends anymore, not going to play groups, being terrified of regular preschool because you know kids are not politically correct, their blunt, they just come out and say it.  Oh, I don't know if this helps anyone understand what a paralyzing thing anxiety can become in your life.  And you don't know how bad it is until you are negatively impacting everyone around you.  

New blogger app on phone

Like the blogger on the phone. Loving ios 5 updates. Love shinny and new. Its like steve jobs sent us a gift from heaven.

A fustration

Hello World!  Again.

As always my life is crazy.  Too busy to remember if I brushed my teeth before I left the house and too tired at the end of the day to care.

Yes I am a Mom.  I have three little boys of wonder that break or outgrow everything.  Three little boys that make life wonderful and difficult to focus on at the same time.  They keep me busy, they make so much laundry, they eat so much food, and require so much time and energy.  That is the job of kids, afterall!

Yes I took on a new business.  Call me crazy, but when you can't find a job, you make one.  That is how this capitalist society works.  If you want something you find a way to get it.  I am glad I did.  I have an old friend that used to constantly tell me, "Just be like a duck, and let it all bead off your feathers."  Thanks, Nathan, I am now a Duck, an AFLAC duck. My new job is fun and full of adventure, most important it is never the same twice.

Yes I am a Wife.  I have a husband of nearly 9 years.  I am very much unhappy and have been for a good long while.  I need what every spouse needs, a little bit of conversation.  Every marriage needs communication, honest, free flowing, open and productive.  This has not been the case in my marriage for a long time.  If you think a lack of communication is not important than you have never lived your life without it.

What I have in my marriage today is a man that grunts like a caveman, the word "fine" and lots of silence in between those two sounds.  If you are a man and you are reading this learn this:  sexually satisfied with your wife, does not mean your marriage is in good shape.  It simply means your wife is avoiding another sore spot in her life.

What I also have in my marriage today is a great imbalance.  I have a man who not only doesn't talk with me, doesn't even look at me, he just sits and stares at his computer/iPhone/laptop, he doesn't speak positively with his boys because he simply screams about how their room is such a mess.  I have a man that doesn't even think their is a problem in our marriage.  I have all the duties of the house, the cooking, cleaning, laundry, the taxing of children, the homework duties with kids, the bath time routine, the paying the bills, the trips to the doctors offices, urgent care, the notifying the Super that the apartment needs maintance, the taking of the garbage out, the grocery shopping, the price comparisons, the couponing, the budgeting, the dreaming and planning, the religion and faith building of three little boys, the potty training, the sick kid duties, and the list could go on for days...  This is my imbalance.

This brought me to the question:  "What exactly do you (my husband) bring to this equation?"  A paycheck?  Who cares money is not love, compassion, commitment.  What Sex?  In case you forgot, I am a young woman capable of saying hey I am ready to any man on the street; and chances are very good that more than one would be available when I called.  So really what are you bringing?  What do you do that makes my life worth living with you?

Realistically, I am already doing 98% of the daily needs in the house, so you not living in the same house would not drastically change anything except who reads the bedtime story to the kids.  Would asking your wife how her day was and looking her in the eyes really be so difficult that you couldn't do it?  Or is it frightening that if you talk with her, you might actually carry some of the daily Needs load, which would lead to a less exhausted wife, who then might feel like being that dirty housewife when the kids are asleep...